[jenluv]

I have to give credit where credit is due.

He finally emailed back. Yes, he made a mistake with turning the 2 hours into 1 hour and then scheduling something afterwards. But then he said he had more wiggle room than he thought and he could meet for the 2 hours after all.

So everything's good, right?

Of course not. And this time I'm sure it's all my crap.

In the first email before he had more wiggle room he said, "I do need to keep it to an hour, however. I have something scheduled closely thereafter." That would have meant the appointment going from 9 - 10 instead of 9-11.

But it turned out that the closely scheduled something wasn't actually scheduled until 12:30-2:00.

So this is what I'm reading into it (and I'll admit that I'm probably reading into it).

In the first email when I ask if I can have some of our marriage t as individual t because of the scary trauma work I've been doing with T2 he thinks we may go over an hour. So Mr. Boundaries makes it oh so clear that we stop at 10. Then, when he realizes his mistake in the appointment time he "finds" more time, no longer has a firm boundary of one hour, and because the original plan was 2 hours he can now do 2 hours. Until 11. But if that hadn't been the original plan that he messed up on then he still would have had to stop promptly at 10 -- and would have told me that very clearly and firmly, just like he did -- and would have made no accommodation (as is his pattern) for me because of my extra "need" to process some of the trauma crap with him.

At least he fixed his mistake, right? And I DO feel better.

But the fact remains that he will not make accommodations for me -- at all -- for any of the ebbs and flows of my therapy.

Boy are we going to have a fun conversation this next session. If I can get the flingin' flangin' words out of my mouth.

(and part of me has to laugh -- because how stinking obvious it is why I need therapy! )

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by jenluv

Boy are we going to have a fun conversation this next session. If I can get the flingin' flangin' words out of my mouth.

Hey girl - you fling those flangin' words right at him!

Can you write them down and hand them to him?

[likelife]

Maybe you are reading into it, and maybe you aren't. I'm not sure if I'm following entirely, but I'm not sure why your T wouldn't give you the extra time (assuming you're scheduled and are paying for it) just because you wanted to process stuff from your trauma T vs. focusing just on marriage T stuff.

I'm not saying that your interpretation is wrong; it seems like your T is playing some weird games that don't really add up.

[WePow]

You are doing great by being honest with your T about how this makes you feel. It is good for a T to have boundaries. But the client deserves to know what the boundary looks like.

[jenluv]

likelife -- it's probably that I'm not explaining it well. We were supposed to be scheduled for 2 hours of marriage t. He mistakenly put us down for only 1 hour (as he remembered our discussion of having 2 hours). So with the trauma stuff I emailed to ask if the first hour could be used for individual t and the second hour for marriage t. That's when he said he only had us down for one hour and he needed to stick to it. And I got really frustrated because I had been very, very clear on the two hours (and he to me) and I've been feeling quite vulnerable -- which is why I wanted to have I.T. as well as M.T. this week. (Usually I just have one hour of I. T.)

Did that help? It's a little convoluted.

And yeah -- I can definitely write things down and give it to him. Actually, I would have to send it in an email ahead of time because he prefers that I speak from my head during therapy and not read stuff to him. We got THAT one worked out a few weeks ago when I said, "Look, I don't want to spend all of my t time getting you caught up with all the stuff you want me to journal. So I'll email bits and pieces to you and you don't need to respond. If that works for you?" He said it was fine.

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by jenluv

So this is what I'm reading into it (and I'll admit that I'm probably reading into it).

In the first email when I ask if I can have some of our marriage t as individual t because of the scary trauma work I've been doing with T2 he thinks we may go over an hour. So Mr. Boundaries makes it oh so clear that we stop at 10. Then, when he realizes his mistake in the appointment time he "finds" more time, no longer has a firm boundary of one hour, and because the original plan was 2 hours he can now do 2 hours. Until 11. But if that hadn't been the original plan that he messed up on then he still would have had to stop promptly at 10 -- and would have told me that very clearly and firmly, just like he did -- and would have made no accommodation (as is his pattern) for me because of my extra "need" to process some of the trauma crap with him.

But the fact remains that he will not make accommodations for me -- at all -- for any of the ebbs and flows of my therapy.

I am not sure I get it.. Is it that you want him to be able to have an unlimited time for you? Or that you want him to bump the next client? T's usually have a set ending time. Just confused at what you want.

[jenluv]

Ugh -- I tried to answer you WP but I got all wackadoo in my head. I'll have to come back to this.

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by jenluv

Ugh -- I tried to answer you WP but I got all wackadoo in my head. I'll have to come back to this.

oh gawd...no probs jen...I didn't mean to stress you. I ask too many questions anyways...and I am freaking obsessive about time and schedules the thought of going over makes me panic...lol.

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by jenluv

But the fact remains that he will not make accommodations for me -- at all -- for any of the ebbs and flows of my therapy.

When I went through periods of my therapy where a lot of trauma surfaced, I asked for, and was granted, 1.5hr sessions. It had to be worked out ahead of time, but I'm so glad she was able to accommodate me like that when I really needed the extra time.

Now my therapist is able to do that because I am a private client she sees on weekends or evenings. She also works for a county mental health care agency - but during the day. So it works because I see her during her more flexible hours. If someone sees a therapist that has full days with clients scheduled back to back every 50 minutes, then that may make that kind of flexibility impossible.

[Wren_]

But the fact remains that he will not make accommodations for me -- at all -- for any of the ebbs and flows of my therapy.

I might have confused this, but it sounds like once he worked out his mistake he was making accomodations for you and giving you the longer session? maybe with the next session you can plan more double sessions for awhile to deal with the more indepth stuff

[Chopin99]

I think maybe you're reading into it too much, jenluv. I have a tendency to do the same. He is accommodating you. Even if for some reason (and I don't know what it could be) he didn't want to, it is still a caring gesture to accommodate you, the point being that he doesn't have to do it for you.

When I have a tendency to read into things, my H reminds me of Occam's razor...all other things being equal, a simpler explanation is more likely than a complex one.

It really does sound like he is trying to accommodate you. He realized his error and found a way to work it out for your benefit. You probably don't have all of the details of his schedule or how it may have changed, etc., so I wouldn't read anything sinister into this at all. As far as him needing to stop a session at an hour or whatever goes, that is just professionalism.

[jenluv]

I agree with you guys -- he was accommodating.

When I was trying to reply to WP and then erased the reply I was going to explain that I know his schedule fairly well. It is similar to Crescent Moon's T in that he mostly works with families and children after school. So in the mornings his time is more flexible and he doesn't have clients back to back.

But he also told me a month ago that if I can give him 24-48 hours notice then his schedule is pretty flexible and he can work in scheduling changes.

It just gets confusing. And yeah -- he corrected his mistake in scheduling our two hour session. I'm so grateful for that and it helps me to trust him more.

It's interesting because T2 (trauma T) sees me twice a week, and although I don't have the same attachment for him as I do T1 it helps tremendously to know that I will see him again in a few days and can call him to touch base if I'm panicking. I've actually found myself less likely to call him because of this.

I've gotta run -- kids, school, and the like. But I'll be back to reread and ruminate.