Mother's Day--issues

CROSS-POSTING: also in Addictions

Well, how was your Mother's Day? Did anyone cook for you, give you presents or gifts? Did you receive hugs and kisses? Well.....if you are a mother.....you should have received all this and more!

Mother's Day has unique beginnings from early Egyptian and Roman Goddesses. England celebrated a "Mothering Day" that the English Settlers chose not to celebrate, most likely because everyday was just a struggle in survival.

For many of us, every day is still a struggle, of a different sort. Some of these involve "mother" ...
--having a mother
--being a mother

As the movie title said, It's Complicated.

--having a mother:
My mom was so sad & I've long ago forgiven all the little shortcomings by saying that she did the best she could always. Her mom came from a family that seems to have been full of untreated depression, alcoholism, dementia ... A host of woes.
In the past few weeks, events have brought some focus to this general and casually-dispensed "forgiveness." It came about during my seminal AA 12-step program 30 years ago. I am beginning to realize that there was much then that I was unable to deal with--much that was part of what my drinking was about, what the drinking was to avoid having to acknowledge and accept.
Much of which comes down to this: My mother did not do the best she could. My mother did serious harm to me. Now, at age 66, I am experiencing a Mother's Day not knowing how I feel about my own mom. I am very sad today about this. I used to think I was blessed with unconditional love, and now I'm wondering whether I was abused.

--being a mother
My husband and I had a daughter just over 40 yrs ago. I found her in the early hours one morning, when she ought to have been fussy and hungry ... instead she was cold, dead, gone forever from me ... my sweet Rachel.
They called it "crib death" which translated as "not a clue" but implied back in the 1970s inadequate mothering. My soldier-husband was MIA in Vietnam & she had arrived three wks early after he went missing, so I blamed him for her death.

It's complicated.

I'm a mother, and it's left an incredibly aching void that some Mother's Days have the magic to deepen. That this is one of those years is no doubt because of the whole uncertainty now with my own mother.

Irony: a state of affairs that seems deliberately contrary. My daughter and mother died on the same date. I hatehatehate that date. Every year on that day, if I am not in a good way, I am seized by the urge to drink myself into oblivion.

With this newest wrinkle in the therapeutic canvas, the deep down fear grows proportionally that I will.

Much And A Big ... !!!

My heart goes out to you, Roadie

i know the pain of loosing a child.

Roadie, I lost two children to miscarriage. I know it's not the same. But I still always wonder about the lives that could have been. Lots of hugs to you

oh roadie. i'm so sorry.

Sending you lots of soothing hugs and an abundance of love my dear friend. For what it's worth, I've always looked up to you, carried your advice and guidance close to my heart, coz I think of you as my PC mom, so I know that Rachel was blessed to have you, even if only for a short while. Roadie, wish I could say or do something to comfort you and diminish your pain, I'd carry it for you if I could Will be keeping you in prayer

My heart goes out to you, Roadie.
Bluemountains

((((Roadie))))) I am sorry

Awe Roadie, I'm sorry for your struggles. I've always found you very helpful and kind.

Here are all the you need today. I am very sorry for your loss, that must have been so hard.

Thank you, everyone. My T has found more time for us to work on this today, after a marathon session yesterday. We're spreading the contents of the Pandora's box that exploded opened all around and examining them ... painful & ugly but necessary.

Life goes on, & I have to believe that doing this will make it better down the road.

A friend walking along the path with me, even at a distance, really helps ...

I'll gladly take that path with you, in any capacity you'll have me