tears and the t (trigger just in case)

I remember a while ago t commented that it seems like I'm very uncomfortable with emotions and especially crying. My version of crying is essentially sitting completely still with water falling. My eyes don't scrunch I just hold very still. She asked me that time what I needed from her, I had no idea (still don't). I think that made my feel more hopeless because here's someone who wants to help but in baffled by the idea that something SHE did (or would have done) could help. I couldn't understand why she even asked the question because it seemed so unrelated to my being upset.

So today I left and I dropped some tears during session and I got thinking, how doors she just sit there watching someone cry. And I don't mean that in an angry way or as if I now know what I want her to do (still don't). I guess I was wondering how she doesn't become uncomfortable. When I'm with someone who's crying I try to fix it for them. T doesn't, she sits.

And I know many people struggle with being able to cry at all in t so I feel bad for whining about whatever it is I'm whining about.

My reason for posting this? I don't know. Maybe it's just the result of being on the internet to quickly after t that I feel the need to brain bard.

Good question! I've often wondered the same thing. I cry pretty regularly, lately, and T just sits there patiently waiting for me. Sometimes she'll say something to try and bring me back after I've been crying for a while, but usually, she just waits. I don't know how she can look at me, or anyone, after and during crying spells - I look like a hot mess!

I'm so glad T can contain his emotion when I cry. I'm a sympathetic crier - if I see anyone cry, I do too. If I saw T cry because I was crying, I think I'd probably lose it completely. It's bad enough that he looks sad when I cry.

Yes, I wonder this, too! Any Ts on here - would love to hear from you. I'm one of those who really can't cry in session about sad things or things in my past, but today I angry cried about something that happened a couple of hours before w/ my family. It was more like you described, silent - just tears coming out of my eyes, no sniffling or noises. I looked over and my T's eyes were watering up. She didn't cry, but seeing this (never seen her cry, though have seen her eyes well up) made me cry more (sympathetic crier thing) than all of a sudden stop and go back to my default of "I shouldn't cry" that's been hammered into me... But I'm glad that T hasn't actually cried in front of me -- don't know how she does it -- because I would then worry about her. I think she knows this, too...

I don't cry in T that much, but I did today. I always feel better after crying in T. Usually when I cry in T I am similar to what you described, quiet and I keep real still. That's what happened today. Only maybe once have I been completely bawling in T. Today I tried to discreetly wipe a tear away, and my T said "it's ok, you can cry." Just having her acknowledge the emotions I was experiencing really touched me.

I used to not cry in sessions, but I do now and I hate it really. I tend to really fight it, and T always tells me to stop fighting it and let the tears come. He asks me to tell him what I am thinking while I am crying which I find very difficult because of all the resistance I put into the crying itself (which I think is why he tries to get me to process while it is going on; it's hard to talk about it and hold back the tears at the same time). Personally, I just hate the tears and abundance of snot. Can't be a pretty sight

I can imagine how someone can sit there while someone cries without being uncomfortable, because I'm able to do that. I wasn't able to once, it made me really uncomfortable and I didn't know how to respond, but then I worked in a job where people I'd only just met would cry sometimes, and it was really easy to listen to them and really hear them. The tears were just an extra expression, when they were experiencing a really strong emotion, just like laughing can be. So, nothing to be uncomfortable about, however I did empathise. I don't think I ever tried to fix things, because I couldn't do much more than empathise. I remember telling someone once that it was okay to be as sad as she needed to be.

I can't take my own medicine though. At least, my version of crying in T is: if the tears are still in my eyes, and I don't wipe my eyes, then it's not crying. To the point of not being able to see very well and really struggling to blink the tears away. Yep, still not crying.

I felt very much the same. But if you can watch T's face while you're crying, you may find that she is "with" you more than you realise. Maybe.

You all have me worried how awkward it'll be when I eventually cry in therapy.

This is one thing I can't do, that is cry in T, sometimes I really really feel like crying, but I can't, my T picks up on it and says I know you are really upset, I can hear sadness in her voice and she does tend to talk quietly when I am like this, I can't look at my T when I am like this.

When I leave T session, I can't cry either,

I think I have issues with crying.

T sometimes says "allow yourself to cry" when I am telling something difficult. I have once or twice, but barely. I don't know how they can listen to sob stories all day and not feel down about it.

T thinks i should cry. I just dont see how it would help. When some of the younget alters have cried our T is very supportive.

I've had to struggle to let myself cry, finally sort of did my next to last session, and the worst part was not when I was letting myself cry, and the fact that it was something pretty lightweight compared to what I should be crying over, but when I looked at him, i just had to stop because the only thing worse than crying is seeing him staring at me while I'm doing it. I mean, when we had silence one time to let me feel sadness I glanced at him and he looked genuinely feeling it with me, but when I was crying he just had his normal everything's ok look. are you frickin kidding me? This is big for me! show some empathy, or support, or something.

Is crying necessarily a good thing? Why is it? (I'm genuinely curious.)

I have a sense, based only on my incomplete understanding of how my T ticks, that she would find it uncomfortable if I were to cry in session. Maybe I'm just projecting what I would be feeling, though. Other mental health professionals I've seen have had a box of tissues somewhere around (one %&#€"#€"&& woman even told me two minutes after I sat down the first and only time I went to see her that "there are tissues if you need to cry" which to me felt very much like an intrusion). Current T doesn't have any tissues in her room that I've seen, and I've taken that as a hint that tears aren't welcome. Again, I may be completely wrong in my interpretation.

I guess I would be a little uncomfortable if my T was full out crying with me (though I haven't full out cried yet...just teared up). I have seen my T tear up once but I was straight faced at the time and it was one of my first visits with her that she did this...Later we talked about how I was uncomfortable crying and I didn't know what to do with myself when other people around me cried, so she hasn't even teared up since. Tearing up doesn't bother me so much...I guess she expressed some sadness over what I was telling her during that session. I thought it was weird and uncomfortable at first but after the session, I realized that it really validated my feelings about the situation, whether I was showing that I was sad by tearing up/crying or not. So I think a T crying would be weird, but showing that they are sad with you? I found that validating.

How do you know she's not just hiding them somewhere and would be ready to pull them out if needed? I HIGHLY doubt that any therapist would discourage crying, that seems counter-intuitive to me. Ts are paid so we can express whatever we're feeling whenever we're feeling it without being judged...why wouldn't that include crying? Personally, I find the box of tissues laying around to be intimidating for some reason, like I am expected to cry and the thought of a T staring at me while I cry is anxiety producing for me...so just staring a box of tissues during the session would make me feel sheepish. In my T's office they're sitting on an end table at the other end of the couch, so I am not looking directly at them ever. They have a box in the waiting room though on the coffee table that I can't ignore, I would be mortified if I was ever crying in the waiting room and had to use the tissues there!

That's the last freaking straw. Apteryx you need a new T. He/she has to be English speaking (because you aren't comfortable talking about the hard stuff in your native language). They have to let you talk about what you want to talk about. They have to be encouraging and have depth. And most of all there HAS to be tissues in his/her office.

I wasn't actually referring to Ts crying, but to clients crying during sessions, because so many of the responses talk about crying as if it is obviously a good or even expected thing to do.

You are right - I don't know that she doesn't, and maybe she keeps them hidden away so as not to make people uncomfortable. I definitely shouldn't second-guess her when I don't actually have any idea

[/quote]How do you know she's not just hiding them somewhere and would be ready to pull them out if needed? I HIGHLY doubt that any therapist would discourage crying, that seems counter-intuitive to me. Ts are paid so we can express whatever we're feeling whenever we're feeling it without being judged...why wouldn't that include crying? Personally, I find the box of tissues laying around to be intimidating for some reason, like I am expected to cry and the thought of a T staring at me while I cry is anxiety producing for me...so just staring a box of tissues during the session would make me feel sheepish. In my T's office they're sitting on an end table at the other end of the couch, so I am not looking directly at them ever. They have a box in the waiting room though on the coffee table that I can't ignore, I would be mortified if I was ever crying in the waiting room and had to use the tissues there![/quote]

focus62-

Haha I loved this. It seems like every time I go into my T's office the box of tissues is conveniently placed exactly where I need to sit So I have to move it EVERY time. Does he like place it there before he comes and get me? I know he doesn't see anyone before me...but I always end up having to figure out where to put it....sometimes I'll just put it where I can't reach it, hoping he'll get the message

t cried once very early on, couldn't figure out why, and when i asked him he said "im sad" never knew at the time i was suppose to ask why.

i didnt cry in t for years and years. my car saw tons and tons of tears after a session and when i finally did, t just sat there, don't know what look he had, i hope it wasn't just nothing. that would have hurt. i felt supported afterwards. not stupid; a big thing to me.
havent cried since...that was almost a year ago.
maybe it was just time.

My T has a couple of boxes of tissues available. Trouble is, they're crappy tissues, so I bring my own. He asked my why I brought my own and I told him that his were scratchy. He just laughed. You'd think for what he charges, he could afford the good ones. Triple ply.

I bring a fabric handkerchief every week, just in case. Haven't had to use it...yet. (Of course there are Kleenex on the table, I just really prefer a handkerchief to wipe my eyes with.)

I do, too. Trouble is, there's only so much the poor hankie can be expected to absorb! When I get going, I totally exceed that.

Well, I looked in the mirror when I was crying and I looked really ugly and now I don't ever want anyone to see me cry. And I'm not really a vain person, not much make-up, keep the same hairstyle for years, definitely not a fashionista.
Also, I don't want to waste the precious 50 minutes crying.
OTOH, it feels good afterward if I do cry.

Rambling, sorry.

The last time I cried was about three years ago when a pet died. The therapist once mentioned crying with her there and I went away and do not know what else she said. It did not seem like a good idea for me. IF I ever did cry there, I would not use her kleenex. If it ever seems probable, I shall carry a handkerchief.

I'm too frozen to even reach for a kleenex should I decide I could use one (ack, don't think I could) but I also don't bring a handkerchief so I just keep wiping with my sleeve. Ugh, I hate tears