The sound of silence

I have real trouble talking in my sessions. Words just don't come out and I want to hide behind the chair until it is safe to come out.

What do T's think of clients who can't talk? Am I frustrating? Difficult? Annoying?

Lately my T has started putting the radio or mp3 player on when I am in there, is it because T can't stand the silence?

Last appointment I didn't speak AT all, not even hi, bye or anything. My T let out kind of an exasperated sigh and said come on we have 10 mins left, but I still couldn't. I'm worried this behaviour will make my T want to terminate because I'm so difficult and non compliant

I do try to talk and some days I can but not always

Have you tried thinking about what you want to talk about and writing it down? You could either read it in session or give it to the therapist to read. That might help.

My therapist figured out early on that I can take the silence better than she can. I think it's disrespectful for your therapist to turn on music during your session because they can't stand the silence, that is their problem not yours, and your therapy session is about YOU, not THEM.

Have you tried letting your therapist know you have difficulty talking, and ask that maybe if there is too much silence the therapist could ask questions to get the conversation going? You could put that into a note/letter/email however would be best to communicate with your therapist.

Thanks for your response Mike, hope you're ok.
To be fair to my T I am always asked if it's ok to put music on, if I don't say no then it goes on. T hasn't actually said it is to fill silence, that is what I think.
My T does try to engage me in communication but sometimes I cannot speak at all

Is the music on to keep other people from hearing sessions maybe? Like my T has music playing in the waiting room. Maybe this is the reverse of that?

Hi Mkac, thanks for your reply. I don't think so, no one is in the waiting room and the music is a recent thing

I know silent sessions well. I had a T who used to dismiss me after 10 min if I couldn't come up with a topic. ick. In my case I needed a T that would encourage alternate forms of communication, like writing and email. For the first year I would send him an email every week and that's what we would talk about in T (barely). Can you answer direct questions? I did well with a Q&A until I learned to talk. I still need a lot of prompting, and I say maybe 20 words to my T's 100 words...but it's getting better.

what is so scary about talking?

Really? That is terrible Wikid, I am so sorry. Some days I can answer questions but others I just feel unreachable. i am glad your communicating is getting better, slowly but surely

SO much TD, so much

we can completely understand that♥♥♥ but when we find the inner strength to start saying those words,whatever they might be for each person,then those words slowly start to lose their power over us and we start taking back our control. we hope one day you will be able to get to that point. many,many times we just close our eyes or hide behind a pillow and just say it really fast. and then the words just arent so scary anymore♥♥♥

Has your T ever mentioned sandplay therapy? It's something my T offers, and I have done a few times. It's a non-verbal process where you basically create a little world in the 'free and protected' space of the sand and if they are trained in it the T can interpret things that you are thinking/feeling from what you create in the sand world. She has a tray of sand, that is waterproof so I can use the sand either wet or dry, and then she has shelves and shelves full of little characters, stones, mirrors, animals, shapes, crystals, etc etc that you pick and choose from to put in your little world. Whenever I really don't feel like talking in t I end up doing a sand tray.

Oh and I'm not trying to play t here or anything of course! just sharing something my t does that is helpful for me when I don't want to talk. Everyone here always has so much to share that is so helpful I felt like I wanted to contribute to that!

confused...you might want to read some of Granite's posts too. (if you haven't already).

Will your T use other methods when you can't talk? You can communicate through writing back and forth during the session. Or, you can draw or fingerpaint! I did the latter once and it was so relaxing that it made talking much easier. Maybe she thinks the music will relax you and help you to talk? My T and I used to do breathing/meditation for a few minutes in the beginning of the session to calm me down. These are just some ideas. Do you email your T about why you can't talk or about what you can't say?

Do you speak in other situations other than therapy? Why do you think you can't talk? Are you afraid? I would think that a good T could help you with your fears of talking. Her comment and sigh don't sound too helpful at all.

I used to have selective mutism so I know how it feels not to be able to talk. If I had been in therapy back then, I would have wanted a T who would do the things I've mentioned: art or writing. Also playing games because I would "forget" myself and start talking, I think, if I were involved in a game.

I don't think a good T would get frustrated or want to terminate you, but would use different methods to encourage you to talk. She would consult with other Ts more experienced, probably. She would help you, not just sit there and wait, though for short periods I can understand a T waiting while a client is quiet.

I hope that you can resolve this, or maybe try a different T?

Thank you TD, I hope so too. I'm glad you are finding your inner strength

I have done something a bit like that, but not made a little world, think it was more of a grounding exercise. We did it for a while and then tried other things. Something to think about. Thank you Artemis....oh...and your contribution is greatly appreciated and helpful

Thanks, I relate a lot to what Granite says, I always read with interest

Rainbow, thank you - There are a few things unsettling me in T at the moment but I am probably being irrational and too sensitive, my fault, not T's. But the sigh and comment did worry me, I felt the frustration and wondered if my T just wanted to throw in the towel. I don't hold much hope for talking in next session when I feel like this. Please don't get me wrong T is great and does try so very hard with me and tries different things, I just spoil the hard work. I don't really want to change my T, I think if I left I just wouldn't bother rather than go through it all again. But I am worried My T will say enough is enough and throw me out.

I do talk outside of therapy at work etc, but I prefer not to and just listen or I am able to talk more easily if it is not about me.

I am glad your T is so supportive

I posted a while about silence during t (). I'm familiar with it too, and I'm also afraid that T will give up on trying to break through my silent defenses.

I sort of like the idea of T turning on music softly because I would feel less guilty about being the one to break the silence (I feel like I'm not allowed to or someone better should).

This is me too.

I don't think you are ruining anything, it's all just part of the process