Maybe a trigger: Ever been dumped by a T

Please don´t read this if you are triggered due to abandoment issues and easily think your therapist could do this too. I am sure that therapist rarely dump clients so please don´t let this be a concern if you are in a good therapy relationship or just in therapy.

I just can´t stop thinking why I have not heard from my T. It´s been two and a half months now and T have not returned my calls or texts.

I am doing okey, but I could use someone who had the same experience of suddenly being ignored after weekly therapy. ( I am sure there must be some fairly good explanation) just seems so weird.

So... any stories of being dumped or ignored? How did you cope and did ever get an explanation? As I said I am doing okey just a bit confused still

Hugs

Is there anyone else you can call at your T's office to get an explanation of what is going on??

Nope no one. It a one person buisness....oh I forgot to mention ...I have been of meds for a month now. She used to fill in the prescriptions and orderd the medication! So what to think.. maybe I don´t need a refill. Feel kind of abandond here ( Shes a pdoc and therapist) But doing fine without meds..if I leave out the daily crying spells but then again that could be the whole situation I am in.

sorry this happened to you lost, your ex T is not very professional. At this point have you thought about finding someone else?

were were kicked to the curb by our ex-counselor but in a much much different way than not returning calls for an extended period of time. we wont share how but we hope this is something that can be resolved for you

Was there an ending to your sessions or were you going weekly and then she just didnt show up for anymore sessions? This seems very odd.

If there was an ending and she is now not responding to contact it would probably be because she doesnt think its appropriate but From the way you describe it, it sounds like one minute you were seeing her weekly and then it stopped abruptly and there has been no contact in over 2 months...is that right?

If so this is highly unprofessional, neglectful and unethical. Is she registered to a theraputic body? Like in the UK there is the BACP (British association of counselling and psychotherapy). Please go to see your Doctor or 'a' doctor to talk about your meds, you shouldn't be stopping abruptly.

Someone needs to be notified of what she has done.

I am sorry you are having to deal with this, it is very wrong.

lonelybychoice, I remember your posts - you STILL haven't heard? That's so strange. I do recall though that you'd only text and called a couple of times? Did you try again since? Write a letter? Go by the place or stop in? Are you sure your therapist dumped you and that something didn't happen to your therapist? An accident or... Maybe she just lost her phone and had to get a new number? Idk... It just seems odd that she would just ignore you rather than bring therapy to some kind of closure.

I know you said you didn't want to be a 'stalker' - and I know it's probably a scary thing for you to do - but I would definitely go to her practice if I were you. It's been 2 and a half months. Be assertive, ring that doorbell, and - hopefully - get an answer.

Gosh Lonely, that really sounds weird.

I can't imagine a therapist doing that without an explanation - or saying something, especially if they also prescribe your meds.

Can you contact your therapist's licensing board? If your therapist is hospitalized and in a coma, or in some other way indisposed, the licensing board should be able to track it down for you so you can figure out what to do.

It sounds like something may have happened on her end which is disrupting her practice in some way. Can you just go to her office? I certainly would!

I'm so sorry you haven't heard from it. I understand how hard that is. Yes, I was dumped by a T once, and also ignored by her often. It sounds like maybe something happened to your T? I wonder if you can Google her name and try to see if anything comes up? You really deserve some answers about this...I truly hope everything works out ok.

Thanks all! Maybe I should try calling one more time. Have absolutely no clue what to said if there is an voicemail at this point
. Any ideas appreciated

i am sorry too. hope everything works out. i apologize for not having anything useful to add.

You could say something like "Hi, this is lonelybychoice, and I'm calling because I haven't heard from my therapist XYZ in 2 1/2 months. I'm not sure why this has happened, and I'd really appreciate it if someone could offer me an explanation." And then leave your call back number. If that doesn't work, I'd suggest just going to your T's office. I'm so sorry this is happening to you!! I'd be heartbroken if it were me. Best of luck! And keep us updated!

Wait. Are you saying that you did not leave voicemails before? Was there no voicemail option available? Confused.

I would try again, just say "this is lonelybychoice, it is really important to me that you return my call."

Well I have in the past, been polite, callled to get a med refill and one time almost crying and asking if she could please return my calls. Absolutely no response even when I had a crisis and at times no meds. ( Twice she forgot to call the pharmacy!)So I did not leave a message no. Think I was kind of "traumatized" and know from experience that she does not get back to me.
We text and usually it works fine, well most of the time. She was supposed to email some important papers to me after our last session, wich she of course did not do. So what are the odds of my email suddenly not working along with me sending text messages. And what are the odds of a therapist not forlowing up after a hectic session with a weekly client.

Maybe she wants me to speak up for my needs or get angry at her or trigger abandoment issues and be like a vunurable child again, but never been able to get a true picture of whats going on and she is very very proffesional in sessions.

I truely don´t think it would have made a difference to leave a message. This is her way of doing therapy I think, but it still leaves me confused and makes me feel dumped bigtime all over again, wich makes me dread leaving a voicemail only for her not to respond again if that makes sence

My biggest fear is being abandoned by my therapist, she was gone for an unspecified about of time a few months ago, knew she was having some sort of surgery and wasn't sure when she would be back. Knew she would be out for at least a week (just my guess) and I was going on a trip the next week, so I told her not to bother to try to contact me until I got back. She said she would contact me as soon as she could, that freaked me out made it sound like she would be gone more than the 2 weeks I was worried about. Started to check the obituaries every day, could have just googled her name but that seemed like crossing a boundary into her private life. So I was stressed out for nearly a month until I got a call from her office to set up an appointment.

Does your therapist have an office you could call and ask about when your T will be back?

Well I have checked the obituaries too And sort of googled her too with no luck ( only proffessional stuff). It´s only her in the practice so I can´t call anyone but her. I am glad you finally got a call from your T´s office though. Thats what I am maybe a bit clulessly waiting for even after over two and a half months. I know she is not gonna call but I would love it so I won´t have to deal with me calling and her not responding. I know I have to for closure but my heart and head at this point would be a bit broken so working on my confidence before doing so.

maybe after 10 weeks-yikes!-you could just take a trip to her office and see if shes there?

lonely... If I were you I would make that call, and leave a very thorough message. Add in the part about the meds...you know, I am out of meds, and you aren't calling me back...etc...

Then I would compose an honest letter about how painful this has been and you really needed closure. Get mad. Express everything. I would send that snail mail if you don't receive a response from your voicemail within 24 hours. Then start calling new T's and/or pdocs.
It sux. She was wrong, not you.

I have been dumped by about 6 or 7 therapists (not sure the exact number) so I know the drill well, haha! Any decent therapist will realise that they are obligated to refer you to another more appropriate therapist, if they feel that they do not have the skills to treat you. So ring him up and request that referral ASAP! That way you come out of it with a positive - maybe the new T will be decent.

That "closure" stuff is BS. It is just an opportunity for them to get the last word in, really. Don't worry about that. Just remind him that you are entitled to a referral and everybody's happy.

I remember your other posts too. This does sound like an odd situation and unprofessional handling of it, too. I'd agree with those who have mentioned leaving a very detailed voice message saying that you really do need to know what has happened with her/your therapy. Perhaps you could do as others have mentioned too and go to her office to see if she's even still in business there! This really does sound weird to me.
I did get terminated by a T and it was a painful thing but she at least conducted it in a more professional/ethical manner than what this sounds like.

I have been dumped by a T too and while he did go several days without answering some emails he never did anything to this extent. I think they have to be pretty clear at saying "this relationship is over" and offer you some referrals.

I agree with the others, it sounds like something has happened to them. I hope you are okay. I wish I had some comforting words for you! hang in there?

heck, get a friend to call. I have any number of people who would happily do that, the only caution is to get them not to say too much.

This may sound like a frivilous suggestion but it isn't . they can just call as Mr or Miss X, and inquire as a potential new client or whatever; no harm no foul.

Good idea. My 22 yr old has phone anxiety so I make calls pretending I am her sometimes. Not everytime, but once in a while. She is slowly getting better at it. Now I just need to find someone to make my calls!