How is it different?

Sorry for starting so many posts in succession, but I'm thinking about some things I want feedback on.

This post is related to my therapeutic relationship with my T. It has had its ups and downs. Overall, it has been very beneficial to me because I am making positive (and seemingly) permanent changes in my life. However, I know it's vastly different than my two previous therapeutic relationships.

A few people on here have commented that my relationship with T is "different" and "non-traditional". What do you guys see about the relationship that makes it different than most?

I can't remember the specifics of your relationship with your T. Can you remind me what they are so I can see if I think it is non-traditional?

I think it's great that because of therapy you are making positive and permanent changes in your life. Must be some good things you have going with your therapy!

I think everyone on PC has a different type of relationship with their T. I am always interested at how these many different relationships play out. I don't remember thinking yours was any more different then anyone else's.

Sunrise...I guess the biggest differences I perceive is:
1. The amount of self-disclosure. It is mostly for the purpose of empathy, but sometimes it is just in conversation (unrelated to the therapeutic process).
2. She is very open in telling me she loves me.
3. She seems to struggle with her own boundaries with me (i.e. she allowed me to cling to her physically for a couple of months despite feeling it wasn't helping me because she didn't want to "hurt me").
4. She seemed personally offended by an email I sent her railing against boundaries which she deemed "highly manipulative". The fact that a) that wasn't my intention...I felt like I was expressing my frustration and b) she obviously allowed herself to be manipulated is indicative of personal interest that goes beyond the norm.
5. When I discussed a post-therapy friendship, she waffled; at first saying it was possible, then saying she wouldn't discuss it until the end of therapy, then saying no, but at the same time she said, "If God wants us to be friends, we will; have faith!"

The last two things happened around the first of the year and nothing similar has occurred since, but I thought it worth noting.

If you're truly asking for comparisons:

My T maintains very clear boundaries. We will not be friends. He wants to help me because he is my therapist. He self-discloses when it is related to my life and my therapy. We do not converse about his life, although he will answer questions if I ask. He does not EVER make himself the topic of conversation. When I was sending him angry emails, he responded by saying "You seem angry, let's talk about why you feel that way."

My impression
You two are already friends
That comes through from what you write; you both just try to boundarise it and make it neat which doesn't work because you both either end up hurt or hurting

I am just at the very beginning of therapy. But I couldnt definitely see me trying to do the eroticizing thing with her. I get bored so damn easy and.....well....I hate to say it but that slow seduction is appealing to me. It would occupy my mind but I know its something I shouldnt do.

well comparing to my t your t discloses alot and accepts gifts she hugs you she showed you her real hair when she was wearing a wig ect but its great choppin

Chopin, if your relationship with T works, it works! It's different because your T discloses a lot, tells you she loves you, and has said that she possibly could be friends with you post therapy. Most Ts would say that they can never be friends with a client. That's what all my Ts (5 of them) told me. Disclosures and even expressing love I don't see as crossing boundaries though the line is a little murky. It does seem like she has had trouble keeping the relationship totally professional, more so than other Ts. But again, if it works for you and your T, then it's not a problem. I know you've felt uncomfortable with your T because of her actions at times. Do you think that's all behind you now?

Your description of your appointments sounds quite different from what I experience in therapy, but most descriptions on here do also. I would have said it stems from you wanting/seeking something different from therapy than what I seek from it. If you are satisfied with the general approach you have with the therapist, then it would seem like all is well.

To answer everyone...first...thanks for answering my question!

The reason I ask this question is twofold:
1. It's different than my previous two experiences in therapy.
2. People on here say that it is different.

Overall, it seems to be working for me, either because of or in spite of. I am making progress, although there have been missteps along the way. Sometimes it takes me awhile to learn things. The last two things I wrote to sunrise happened 5 months ago, and I have moved past it (because I don't even know if I could be friends with T because she is a control freak...no one is going to control me). No matter what, it is a non-issue until the end of therapy anyway.

One thing I don't know is...this may be the way she is with everyone. I don't think so; she's said she is very clinical with some (like she was with me at first), and open with others. I've never seen her hug another client...many times we're in her doorway or the hallway when we hug.

I get into little "ruts" with my wants. Right now, I want a mommy figure. I want T to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay because it's going to get hard again. I feel a bit abandoned by the fact I couldn't see her this week, although it is not true. I want her to bend the rules for me. That is not fair to her.

Wouldn't this be some evidence of the therapist adjusting to each client? As an example -The one I see does not come near me. The door is open to her office when I get there (exactly on time or a minute or so after) and she is sitting when I go in. When I leave - she remains sitting. She does this because I do not like her near me - she usually walks with the client in and out of the office. She has said it is hard for her to not get up at me because she thinks it is rude and because it is not the norm for her, but she does try to remember to do it for me. Other clients desire (or so she reports) her being physically near them. So the therapist adjusts for the client.
I like the clinical - others seem to like not seeming clinical. Therapist adjusts.

I never asked for her to change from clinical to open. It seems as if it "just happened". I don't think I ever indicated I wanted it to be different.

I think they are supposed to be able to glean from how you act and what you say what is therapeutic for each client. It does not always have to be a direct request. Sometimes they turn direct requests down, sometimes they offer what a client has not thought to ask for.

Different doesn't mean WRONG! Enjoy it, it is rare.

I've been thinking about this since I saw you had written it. If I remember correctly, T told me that she decided to take a risk (she opened up to me first about her frustrations with cancer, which made my heart soften toward her, then I opened up) and it worked. She disclosed much more about herself to get me to continue to open up. She mentioned one time that it was always risky for a T to open up to a client because the client could use the info against the T. I remember asking a couple of months ago why she did it and she said, "Because you are worth more than the risk."

I know...I was never saying that it was/is wrong. When it comes right down to it, I love it. I just wondered what people thought was different about it compared to their own therapy experiences.

Plus I'm still in a really weird mood.

Good I am glad you didn't see it that way!

I think your T is pretty much standard, perhaps better than most.

The interesting, exciting thing about your relationship is YOU.

The misstep is the message.

"Mistakes", so called, are actually the quickest route to your destination.

Hmmm...then I guess the fact that my T hasn't responded to my email (seems like a mistake in my mind, even though it isn't) will actually help me grow!

Hey, I'll take anything right now!

Well, there you go. There's a similarity. My T didn't answer my last email either. Curse them both.

Hay-frickin-men sista! Darn them both to heck. Where's Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light when you need him?

I meant that your mistakes are steps forward, not your T's mistakes!

Oops. Well, it's true that we learn best from our failures. They tend to propel us forward and give us an impetus to rise above.

However, it has been said that ruptures in the therapeutic relationship also propel us further in therapy. Both ruptures I've endured were caused by T's mistakes. Watching T own up to the mistakes and apologize has been very healing. My best work has followed those ruptures.

Man, I need to go to sleep. It's almost 2 am here!