A box?

It is interesting to hear that sort of thing can work for people. It has never done much for me.

I have a safe that stays in T's office. It sits underneath a table next to him and has done for about 18 months. Only I know the combination, so T can't take anything out of there unless I unlock it.

It is only imaginary, but for me I can see the benefits. It reminds me that there is "big" stuff that needs looking at someday and it has enabled me to be as open as I could at the point we put it in the safe - so we both know it is there.

I can't really remember how we decided on the safe, or how I decided on what should go there. In my mind they are simply words written on bits of paper.

Once or twice we have "opened" the safe and just looked at the naming of the things without going into any detail. I think T wants us to just take it really slowly, bit by bit, monitoring my emotions so I do not get overwhelmed which I guess then has the potential for being traumatic. We have also once given the things a label in terms of how relatively easy / difficult each one would be to look at in a little more detail.

Unfortunately I have had a lot of real time stuff going on so we have not looked in the safe for a long time, T does still give gentle reminders of it being there from time to time though.

For me it has been so helpful

Have you tried it stopdog?

Thanks soupdragon, hope you're ok. I really like the idea of an imaginary safe that only you know the combination to my T has offered to keep things I write in my file at the office but I don't trust my T enough to know they or someone else might read it

I never would have even thought of it without my T making the suggestion and guiding me into it. So no, you probably wouldn't have thought on something like that on your own. And I know it wasn't something T did early on. He knew I was at a point where I would be receptive and capable of giving it a try. It wouldn't have worked earlier on in my therapy.

Yes. It feels like a trick to me. I have suggested this sort of thing to students who have managed to use it with some success. I am always happy but surprised when they report back that it helped.

My T suggested something similar once, and I asked about it on here. He never brought it up again, so I just kind of forgot about it. He has done that several times: brought something up once and then mentioned it again. I wonder if I'm supposed to bring it up again, or if he just mentions it and forgets we talked about it. I suspect he forgets.

you're T seems to know you very well

Thanks Stopdog, I guess I don't know until I try, but I'm a bit apprehensive. It's good you can use this technique with students

Thanks for the reply mkac my T is similar to that, suggests things and they never get mentioned again or we try things once and never do them again and I wonder if I've failed at it or that we will discuss something in more detail next time only for it to never be mentioned again

This reminds me of a period of time when I was in a LOT of pain, and my therapist did a symbolic "put it in the box" thing. I was seeing my therapist at least twice a week, 1.5hrs each session. I had PTSD, and had been deeply re-traumatized by a single complex situation from my recent past. I had exited a very toxic therapeutic relationship that had lasted four years, and had caused me to disintegrate. Once it started coming out about three months into therapy with my new therapist, I cried buckets of tears every single session. Seemed like it went on forever. I was not only in debilitating pain, but I felt so much shame about my pain. She seemed to think I was 'stuck' and made it clear that she was worried that I would never get out of my obsession on this pain if I didn't shift my focus to other things. So she tried to put limits on the time I spent on that subject in therapy. I tried.. but I continued to struggle with my obsession on this pain - and it was causing me trouble in my outside-of-therapy life, like at work.

So... I went to therapy and tried to talk about lots of other things, but when I left therapy, the unresolved pain would overwhelm my ability to cope.. I was never free from it.. and I became more and more isolated. Then one day.. quite suddenly.. my therapist shocked me. I relayed something that I guess caused her to realize how much I was isolating myself outside of therapy obsessing on this pain, and she said: "Crescent - here's what I want you to do. Every time you are here, you can talk the entire session about that painful situation. But when you leave here, as best as you can, don't let yourself think about it. This is your place to talk about it - to feel the pain. I want it in here, and in here only. If intrusive memories pop up outside of here - set them aside for a few days till our next session. Or, if you need to, write it out in an email and send it to me. Just don't let it take over your life outside of session. For as long as you need to, you can do it in here." omg.. that was like a miracle for me. I felt so much self-imposed shame about the pain I felt. To have her give me permission - to hear her welcome my pain.. to have her give me a safe place to put it.. somehow it set me free. My pain had been so all-consuming for such a long period of time, we both thought I might never resolve it. But her giving me permission to dump it in therapy with her - twice a week for 1.5 hrs each time - somehow that was such a huge relief.

I was able to do it. When memories intruded outside of therapy, I was able to put it in a corner of my mind and heart - to save for therapy. Then I'd get to therapy and she would let me just dump. Her previous appearance of "aren't we done with that yet?" vanished, and she, in a very heartfelt way, really encouraged me to talk about and feel that pain while I was with her. I got lots of validation.. she expressed her own righteous indignation at the source of my re-traumatization.. she displayed very spontaneous reactions that made me feel like she, if she could, would personally fight the source of my pain. That was such a healing experience.. and it was amazing how after a few months of doing that, what we both thought would never be resolved, resolved on its own. I hadn't even realized it until one day she said "Crescent.. do you realize that in the last several sessions that you've barely mentioned that painful experience? You've spent maybe 10 minutes in each session talking about it, and it's been just in passing - not at all a focus." Because she encouraged me to restrict myself to only feeling that pain in therapy, I had learned to not let it invade my life outside of therapy.. but I hadn't realized I wasn't focusing on it in therapy until she pointed it out. It felt incredible to realize I was no longer being strangled by it.

So "boxes" can be good

and a good T!