Therapist a predator?

I am so sorry Lana. I can tell you that your advice has been the most compelling of all and got me so close to ending therapy. I am feeling so lost at the thought of losing him. I can't explain it : ( I think my hope, once I lost my strength, was to get it back through more advice such as yours. I have no trust in my judgment - something that came from living in a very passive aggressive relationship for 20 years and other stuff. I am close, though I have 'fantasies' of telling him why I'm leaving and him confessing his true love. God - I feel like such a loser : (

BarbSue...I had T a few minutes ago and I asked him about your situation and he agreed , unethical questions and to run ( he did say if the comments were as you say )... Thought I'd ask, but in my experience the people on the boards are pretty good at sniffing out bad apples, you can't argue with the groups experience. Wishing you well.

And I should add - not only your advice but your horrific experience. My heart bleeds for you and I promise you that because of your advice/story I will not let this get out of hand.

Thanks so much - this is what I need to hear : )

Fellow PC'er told me to run from XT and they were right, new T is way way better then that crazy bat was.....lol

I think I posted to the whole group. "Thanks so much, this is what I needed to hear, was in response to this.

I should be paying a part of your therapy costs? No?

You are so kind to share

yeah, when we do group therapy, we do GROUP! my T thought the boob remark was a little crude. he agreed with me that the T was not necessarily bad, just not a good fit, but then we couldn't think of anybody who WOULD be a good fit - or maybe he didn't want to say! I think he backs himself into a corner sometimes with me

yeah, wanting him to succumb (i think that's my word for the day) - not pathetic, just repetition compulsion, and kudos to you for being so honest about it!!! really brave. THAT'S how you do therapy, girl! Could be that's how he does therapy. Back to the treating you as a peer thing. If you are able to see this for what it is, and land on your feet - you're still working, etc - maybe you can see a lady psychiatrist for meds and some gentler girl talk, or do some DBT for skills training for the self-esteem. Sorry to be waffling, I am very wishy-washy, I can't make a decision to save my life. no, wait, ONLY to save my life - everything else, forget it, no.

My new T is awesome and he knows about the boards and the characters on here... I trust him and he likes helping people.

Sorry BarbSue - missed the "antithesis" word. Was your husband charming with good qualities when you met him yrs ago? Abusers are often very charming. Therapists are usually people friendly and able to get along with all types of people, so don't be fooled by his charm. Keep in mind why you're seeing a therapist and if his vibe isn't healing or helpful, then change therapists. When you're in the position for male attention, you can find a man someday - you don't need a charming, complimenting nosey therapist distracting you from why you're really there for. Is he married? Best of luck.

That is my thinking, but partly because that would leave an opening for him to confess his 'love' for me. I know I need to get away from that and leave no opening. That's the hardest part : (

What if you gave him an opening and he didn't take it?

Is there any possibility that you could be misinterpreting his words as more sexualized than he actually said them? That you have an association between men saying nice things to you and wanting to be sexual with you? That you couldn't believe that someone could think you're great without wanting to sleep with you?

I am a big fan of calling T's on their stuff. You should tell him how you feel and watch his reaction. I think there is something to be learned there. If he is a predator and actually comes on to you, you can handle that by leaving the room.

I think that is an unlikely scenario. More likely is that he can explain to you what he was really trying to communicate and why. It's completely possible he's incompetent and just bungled something terribly that had a good intention, but I think it might be important to you to know for sure. I think running away just allows your imagination to refuel in perpetuity.

The fact that someone asks this question might be evidence that their own soul is prompting them. At one time I was married to a psychotherapist, respected in the community, as an expert, he lead a double life. It took 15 years for the sexual abuse of clients to finally catch up with him. He'd gotten out of jail free for years by claiming his accusers were borderlines manipulating or delusional. My secret life was his physical, emotional and mental abuse. I was so destroyed by his predatory sociopathic ways that my sanity was also questioned. Our relationship started out with boundary violations as I was a collateral of one of his clients.

In time I came to believe his accusers the preponderance of evidence eventually cost him his license. I am no longer innocent that the therapy world isn't a fabulous place to hide sociopaths. And, the counseling center is an excellent place to find vulnerable women and exploit them. No witnesses, done in the name of counseling and excused by claiming a personality disorder in the victim. I am positive it happens more than people know and that there is much cover up about this.

I recently found out my own trusted religious therapist was sleeping with a client for years (no wonder she wasn't helpful with some guilt issues I had) She lost her license as well, and I think I'm done now with the therapy world. I have a sister that is clearly borderline that works as a therapist while remaining unhealed and untreated.

Katieshope,

You have been through quite an ordeal. I'm sorry.

I have always viewed the family of the therapist/abuser as victims, too.

I wish I knew what to do to stop predatory therapists. Do you think they need more scrutiny from their colleagues? More training/inservice? Requirements for their own therapy to continue? More supervision? Or do you think nothing will stop them?

Barb,
I went through the same scenario at the beginning...I needed to get a divorce (which was true, and I did, but his conclusion came after only a couple of sessions), soon after the grooming - flattering comments, frequent phone calls, longing glances, etc, etc.
I was obviously vulnerable, but not at all desperate to regain my identity as a woman.
At our second session, I told him about an experience that I had had with a therapist decades ago - it was grossly inappropriate and he wound up stalking me - and I really had no issues besides young-adult angst, my mother forced me to see him as part of a family thing and he convinced her I was nuts. Anyway, I wasn't scarred because I never developed any kind of relationship with him where I was vulnerable. But I wanted to warn the new T that I was cynical. His response- "so, you are telling me not to **** with you", mine - "exactly".
The next years were emotional/psychological craziness - initiated by him. Yeah, I fell in love. It was an intense emotional affair (2 kisses, initiated by him, no actual sex, as decided by me - I knew that he had the power to destroy me).
At the moment I will spare you the rest, but suffice it to say that we first met on July 3 2000. I finalized the end at the beginning of 2016, though I have in moments of weakness contacted him a couple of times. I have NO intention or desire to see him. And he has shown no signs of accountability, which is all I ultimately wanted.
You are not in for much at this point. Though I know the seductive siren-call and I understand why you would feel conflicted. But I did not have this forum to turn to. Please stick around, no matter what you decide.