The Therapeutic Relationship

In therapy today I told T I thought about her and my old T while on vacation. I told her I almost purchased something for her and old T as I saw something I think they both would have liked. My T smiled and said "thank you for thinking of me and nice to think of your old T but I'm glad you didn't because I can't accept gifts". I told her I didn't get anything because I felt a little silly about it and realized it wasn't my adult self wanting to do that. She then asked me if it felt like the 6yr old girl and I told her yes and she thought it was sweet and thanked me again.

She then asked me if I thought I put a lot of importance on therapists in my life. I told her no I don't think so?

Anyone else have this question asked of them?

No as T is aware that she will mean a lot to me because of the work we do.

No. My answer would be I never have before...but with the current T (not ready to call him exT) I guess a lot of importance, I just didn't realize it until now.

Unfortunately my Ts don't have to ask. They know how much importance I put on them.

That one I have seen has asked if I missed her after a long break that included her vacation and my cancelling a few appointments. I had not. She has announced that I am attached but she has not asked about importance.

I am definitely attached to new T on some level (not as much as I was with old T). But I guess on some level I do place a high level of importance? But what is wrong in that? Perhaps it's just to make sure I have others IRL I suppose.. she did mention something about me talking to others outside of therapy.

i have told exT how important she was to me (which ended up in abrupt termination )... my new T also knows what she means to me and that i'm attached to her. she says its okay and that she won't leave me over it now i just got to trust her that she really isn't going to terminate me like exT

My T knows how attached I am to him and how important he is to me. It's actually a pretty big part of our work, since most of my stuff relates to not trusting people and not letting them in my life.

He's never specifically asked about it, but we have discussed it. I've brought it up because it too me a while to get comfortable with my level of attachment. Actually, I wouldn't say I'm 100% there still, but I'm learning to relax into it.

There is nothing wrong with it if it is working dor you.

How do you know if being attached isn't working?

If it is hurting you in some way.

no, sometimes therapeutic love hurts and is healing at the same time.

This is what I am wondering about. I know therapy isnt easy, if you do it right. My T is so dang blunt. She used that word at our first session to describe herself. At the time I thought that will prolly be a good thing. But now, well now I just dont know...

@SeaSalt 'course there is the possibility that you could have a ****** T! (well, or at least one that's not a good fit for you).

But yeah... how do you know for sure? I swear my ex-T was really good for me, but every one close to me says he wasn't really. Do i trust their opinions or my own? I think they blame him for the SA but it wasn't his fault! It's complicated.

As I've stated prolly 400 times this morning I have a tendency to run. I really need to at least see her for a few more visits before deciding. One minute I wanna run, the next I wanna camp out in her office. I just remember having a gut feeling our first visit that she doesnt have a lot of experience with gay clients. She is trying to help me but isnt really being realistic IMO. I would love to run off to various cities meeting new women since we have no gay scene in my town. But that costs money. I am unmotivated and tired of the internet dating thing but long for a girlfriend.

I meant causing damage.

@stopdog but how do you define damage?