My therapist told my caseworker yesterday that I would be one of their success stories. I asked her if she told all her clients that. She said "absolutely not".

But everybody else always says that I'd be sick forever... and there was no hope for me. They wanted to put me in a state psychiatric ward and just leave me there

[WikidPissah]

that's awesome Lydia.

awesome news♥♥♥ how did that feel? must have been wonderful♥

[anilam]

Great to hear- so happy for you (and a bit jealous)
Cause I would so want to hear that from my T but he doesn't lie to me...

[pbutton]

I think you're handling it better than I did. My t called me his success story on Monday. I got mad and threw paper.

Originally Posted by TrinityDancer

awesome news♥♥♥ how did that feel? must have been wonderful♥

It was so weird. It was just a matter of a missed diagnosis. Nobody caught on that I was DID and as soon as they did and they started treating it I started turning into a human. People always said things like I just wasn't trying hard enough, I wasn't "working the program". But I am one of the hardest workers out there and I give myself credit for that. I never gave up on the stupid mental health system that told me I had schizophrenia. I just kept looking for answers. I knew I didn't have schizophrenia.

I just kept telling myself "you got over an entire eating disorder with minimal help, this is not a lack of effort on your part."

I would spend long, long hours just looking for answers. Lyme disease, seizures, narcolepsy, their was something they were missing. Since I got the diagnosis, I no longer do that. I feel a little more "whole". Which is ironic.

I just feel like somebody finally actually sees that part of me, and I know that my old therapist saw that part of me, but it was different with him, I didn't believe him. I thought he was just saying that. Because I had so many other people at the same time telling me differently. And his colleagues treated me like I was a freak of nature.

I don't know why I would believe people who barely even know me.

Originally Posted by pbutton

I think you're handling it better than I did. My t called me his success story on Monday. I got mad and threw paper.

Why this response?

[SpiritRunner]

I'm glad you found the right answers and people who believe you can be a success story! Because why not believe it ... when you believe it, then you can BE it.

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by LydiaB

Why this response?

He was saying it because we're being forced to terminate because I'm being booted from community mental health. He can't act like we're ending because I am better.

I do feel like an idiot for flinging the paper though.

Are you excited that they said that to you? I get tired of people telling me how strong I am. I already know that. It's actually part of my problem.

[notablackbarbie]

(((Lydia)))
(((pbutton)))
...everyone else...
Hope you are still getting a lot of great support as you move on to the next step...

That is awesome, Lydia. I wish my therapist would say that to me.

Originally Posted by notablackbarbie

(((Lydia)))
(((pbutton)))
...everyone else...
Hope you are still getting a lot of great support as you move on to the next step...

You said next step and then I suddenly realized that I was moving onto a next step. Which is scary, but then it makes me want to cry because I was tired of being on that step, whatever step that was, I didn't like it at all. I spent 7 long years on THAT step. I missed my entire young adult life on THAT step. Now I'm nearly 25 and I get to be off THAT step.

She said in three or four years I'd be writing my first book. She said I was insightful and wrote good. I used to hate it when people said nice things about me. But now it feels weird. Like it feels like I believe her.

[notablackbarbie]

Originally Posted by LydiaB

You said next step and then I suddenly realized that I was moving onto a next step. Which is scary, but then it makes me want to cry because I was tired of being on that step, whatever step that was, I didn't like it at all. I spent 7 long years on THAT step. I missed my entire young adult life on THAT step. Now I'm nearly 25 and I get to be off THAT step.

That IS scary and overwhelming. Especially because no matter the number of bad moments (what/how ever they are) that step was at least familiar. We're used to just "things being that way". And then in T we hear about "being stuck" and "comfort zone" and "need courage to confront challenge; dont just wallow in hopelessness and have the past (people/places/particulars) control you"... Maybe our T's are on the same wavelength of "you're more than the sum of parts and labels and any diagnosis' that could be put on you. You DO have a lot of potential". Still, thats just - WOAH and ...... Sorry if im projecting, and thinking about how i got similar feedback today, and am just numb & confused & terrified, and could be hijacking your thread and making a big mess, but....i can relate to the fear and uncertainty about positive feedback too. Like "Aanndd..." or "what am i supposed to do with what youve said" or "Now what "
....Yea that was a lot....so ima provide some of these - - take the rest of my junk and **** i have strewn around cluttering up this space and go..... Again im sorry for the mess and do hope you still get a lot of great support as you progress...

Originally Posted by LydiaB

It was so weird. It was just a matter of a missed diagnosis. Nobody caught on that I was DID and as soon as they did and they started treating it I started turning into a human. People always said things like I just wasn't trying hard enough, I wasn't "working the program". But I am one of the hardest workers out there and I give myself credit for that. I never gave up on the stupid mental health system that told me I had schizophrenia. I just kept looking for answers. I knew I didn't have schizophrenia.

I just kept telling myself "you got over an entire eating disorder with minimal help, this is not a lack of effort on your part."

I would spend long, long hours just looking for answers. Lyme disease, seizures, narcolepsy, their was something they were missing. Since I got the diagnosis, I no longer do that. I feel a little more "whole". Which is ironic.

I just feel like somebody finally actually sees that part of me, and I know that my old therapist saw that part of me, but it was different with him, I didn't believe him. I thought he was just saying that. Because I had so many other people at the same time telling me differently. And his colleagues treated me like I was a freak of nature.

I don't know why I would believe people who barely even know me.

Wow. This is one of the most touching posts I have read on PC. You are a success story and a hard worker.
I am happy that you did not end up in some state psychiatric hospital.

Did you discover you had DID on your own?

I went through a similar ordeal. The doctors had no clue what my problem was. Many different diagnoses were given, but none of them fit. (Psychotic Disorder NOS, schizophrenia, psychotic depression, bipolar II, cyclothymia, dysthymia, anxiety disorder, and borderline personality disorder) It was very frustrating, because I knew, I did not have any of these disorders, except for the dysthymia and anxiety. I read all I could and even questioned everything about me. My extensive research confirmed that I was right. It kept me going. I knew someday, I would find "the answer."

Once, I received the correct diagnosis, Asperger Syndrome, everything changed. It was the first label that fit me 100% and it explained all my life long challenges, and feelings. (So many doctors back then thought I was autistic but were blinded by the the need to explain my problems with an Axis 1 disorder.) Suddenly, people started listening to me and looking at me differently. I was no longer considered lazy, unmotivated and so forth. It has been the greatest relief I have ever felt.

This experience has taught me to never let anyone tell me who I am and to question everything.

Patients/clients do know a lot. Doctors need to listen to what we are really saying. We know ourselves best.

Originally Posted by pbutton

He was saying it because we're being forced to terminate because I'm being booted from community mental health. He can't act like we're ending because I am better.

I do feel like an idiot for flinging the paper though.

Are you excited that they said that to you? I get tired of people telling me how strong I am. I already know that. It's actually part of my problem.

O so it was a forced "you're strong, so you'll be okay". Type of deal. Yea I'd fling paper too. I'm a paper flinger too... don't worry.

I've always had people sort of baby me, nobody ever calls me strong unless they want to make me feel good. Like nobody expects me to be strong, even when I am. I have a really "sad story" behind me. So every body always gives me that dying kitten look and I needed someone, anyone to tell me I was a survivor, other then myself. I hate it when people look at me like they want to cry or something. My therapist now, she doesn't do that. I love her for that. There's being told your "strong". And then there's being told you're a survivor. No pity, No shame, No silence.

Originally Posted by notablackbarbie

That IS scary and overwhelming. Especially because no matter the number of bad moments (what/how ever they are) that step was at least familiar. We're used to just "things being that way". And then in T we hear about "being stuck" and "comfort zone" and "need courage to confront challenge; dont just wallow in hopelessness and have the past (people/places/particulars) control you"... Maybe our T's are on the same wavelength of "you're more than the sum of parts and labels and any diagnosis' that could be put on you. You DO have a lot of potential". Still, thats just - WOAH and ...... Sorry if im projecting, and thinking about how i got similar feedback today, and am just numb & confused & terrified, and could be hijacking your thread and making a big mess, but....i can relate to the fear and uncertainty about positive feedback too. Like "Aanndd..." or "what am i supposed to do with what youve said" or "Now what "
....Yea that was a lot....so ima provide some of these - - take the rest of my junk and **** i have strewn around cluttering up this space and go..... Again im sorry for the mess and do hope you still get a lot of great support as you progress...

Don't worry about hijacking my thread. I don't get offended if people can get stuff out of my thread too. I know some people do get a little weird about that, so I understand you not stepping on people's toes, but I'm not one of those people.

And I totally understand. I am freaking out too. Like people have told me this stuff before. If people actually got to know me, like past therapists, but I never believed them. I thought I was just trash. Destined for life in a hospital eventually. It feels really really freaky actually letting it touch my soul.

Like when you were a kid did you ever say that "I'm rubber and your glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you". Yep that's exactly what happened about positive feedback before. It bounced off me and I'm not exactly sure where it stuck, but it wasn't near me at all.

Originally Posted by Didgee Eeyou

Wow. This is one of the most touching posts I have read on PC. You are a success story and a hard worker.
I am happy that you did not end up in some state psychiatric hospital.

Did you discover you had DID on your own?

I went through a similar ordeal. The doctors had no clue what my problem was. Many different diagnoses were given, but none of them fit. (Psychotic Disorder NOS, schizophrenia, psychotic depression, bipolar II, cyclothymia, dysthymia, anxiety disorder, and borderline personality disorder) It was very frustrating, because I knew, I did not have any of these disorders, except for the dysthymia and anxiety. I read all I could and even questioned everything about me. My extensive research confirmed that I was right. It kept me going. I knew someday, I would find "the answer."

Once, I received the correct diagnosis, Asperger Syndrome, everything changed. It was the first label that fit me 100% and it explained all my life long challenges, and feelings. (So many doctors back then thought I was autistic but were blinded by the the need to explain my problems with an Axis 1 disorder.) Suddenly, people started listening to me and looking at me differently. I was no longer considered lazy, unmotivated and so forth. It has been the greatest relief I have ever felt.

This experience has taught me to never let anyone tell me who I am and to question everything.

Patients/clients do know a lot. Doctors need to listen to what we are really saying. We know ourselves best.

Uhmm I sort of already knew. But I just sort of kept my mouth shut the whole way until the end about it, because I didn't think anyone would believe me and I didn't want to mess up the results. I already had PTSD and it was really bad, like flashbacks and stuff, so I ended up getting sent to a trauma unit, where they had a doctor who specializes in DID. They did an extensive history on me and apparently I was diagnosed with it years prior and nobody ever knew about it. As soon as that was caught and it was treated I stopped being the girl who appeared to be possessed by demons.

I'm glad you figured out your aspergers... they always tend to lean towards an axis 1 diagnosis.