Adult Separation Anxiety Help

I am really looking for some help. I never really discussed this before with anyone, but I have bad separation anxiety. I am almost 27, but I have severe separation anxiety from my parents and siblings.

I went away to college away (600 miles away) for several months, but I ended up dropping out and didn't go to school for 5 years trying to recover from the trauma. Being away literally drove me insane. I kept worrying about what each of my parents or brother or sister was doing at every moment of the day. I called them almost hourly and when they wouldn't pick up, I would have severe panic attacks. Finally, I couldn't do it anymore and I left school and moved back home.

It's just become too much now. I worry every time each of them leaves the house and all while they are gone and when they are even a minute late. I can never do anything unless all of them are home. I'm an adult yet I can't move away or do anything that involves leaving home for more than several hours because I need to spend as much time as possible around my family to reassure myself they are OK.

What do I do? I have been to 10+ therapists over the years and NONE of them made a difference at all. SOME EVEN MADE MY ANXIETY WORSE! I know it's really unusual to be at my age and have this problem, but there has to be a solution.

Do I need to see a children's therapist since they are the ones who work with separation anxiety? Or someone with some other specialty?

PLEASE, ANY ADVICE WOULD BE VALUABLE!

It does sound like a really big problem that's controlling your life. I would tend to say that there must be someone out there who you can access for help, who will actually be able to help you. My problems were initially controlling my life in a way that meant I was not able to live life at all. For me seeing a therapist has been the most helpful thing. I think the biggest thing about the process for me is that it does take commitment and hard work...and risks. To let my therapist help me change my life around I've had to be willing to take risks. Though my therapist has helped me every step of the way with those risks.

Have you tried therapy in combination with medication? I was originally against medication but I ended up taking it, for reasons other than obsessive thoughts. It really helped, almost immediately with obsessive thoughts I wasn't even aware I was having. It was like it turned down a deafening negative tape which was playing on a loop, constantly.

I'm not sure I can comment on different types of therapy as I've really only tried one sort myself. I think years of experience helps a lot, and I'd try to look for someone who has a lot of experience helping with the sorts of issues you want help with. If separation anxiety disorder is too specific I can imagine that experience with other types of anxiety or obsessive compulsive disorder could be helpful.

I get the idea that you experience feeling a sense of dread when you're not sure as to the whereabouts of your family, panicking when they don't answer the phone, etc... Have you addressed this with a T? Identified the (specific) fear and tried to work thru it? I ask bcoz it seems to me that this dread is what is exasperating your anxiety... Might be worth looking into.

I know that DBT (therapy method) is wonderful for teaching skills to deal with emotional regulation, distress tolerance, & interpersonal relations & it teaches one how to combine the emotional thinking with the logical thinking in the mind to come up with the wise thinking for problem solutions.

It definitely sounds like you have some obcessive compulsive thinking & actions going on in your life. Was there some traumatic thing that happened in your life where you almost lost your parents, or even one of your parents.....like a major accident or did you observe an accident where you thought about what would it be like if it were your parents involved in it (even though they weren't).

If you can chain your thinking back to a point that caused you to start feeling that way.

One of my eskies (Leo) has terrible separation anxiety with me. There was never anything that caused him to have that other than the fact that he has never been away from me since the day he was born. He gets so bad that he will tear my house apart trying to get to me if I leave him alone inside the house even if I'm just outside in the yard. I take him in the care with me everywhere I go & if he gets afraid (like if a storm comes up) he actually jumped out of my truck & ran around the parking lot & was trying to get into the grocery store to find me. I'm sure if he could use a cell phone when left home alone he would be calling every hour also.

Since you have already tried so many T's, I would definitely look for one who specializes in the issues you are dealing with. If you can think back to a trauma that might have happened, then it might be part of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) or if there's nothing you can point to, I would look into a T who works with obsessive compulsive disorders.....which can manifest itself into looking like separation anxiety.

there is always an answer....sometimes it takes a lot of searching for that help

Adult Separation Anxiety Disorder is not that uncommon; it can often be a dynamic in marriages. I would call around and find someone familiar with it, specifically. Have you tried anti-anxiety medicine while working with therapists?

http://anxietypanichealth.com/refere...isorder-adult/

For situations like these I'm with Perna. This sounds almost like an OCD type thing and I do think anti-anxiety meds would be a good first step to symptom control.

Sometimes, just interrupting the anxiety cycle quickly can be of significant benefit. You may have even forgotten what it feels like NOT to be anxious. Good lord, are you exhausted?

So... I would likely seek out the help of psychiatrist first with concomitant talk therapy. Anxiety/OCD can be a very complicated issue. I do think, in the long run, it can be managed with talk therapy. There is an immediate issue of relief. There a good options out there for it.

I am so sorry you are experiencing this much anxiety. There is nothing worse then anxiety. It is completely disabling at times. I hope you will continue to reach out to therapists for help and not be afraid to try new meds or treatment. Sometimes thing do work. I hate to see you living in such fear. I wish the best for you so don't stop trying to get better!

All good advice, I agree medication may help to take the edge off. But therapy would also be part of that healing...I have OCD traits that tend to manifest when i'm compensating for something I have no control over. Love my meds.....at least I can sleep now.

I have tried tons of different meds and there was little difference. I am currently on Lexapro and it's not making a difference, but I don't want to go through withdrawal AGAIN so I am staying on it.

I am scared to see a therapist again because the very first one I ever saw did a lot of damage. She pushed me to break all contact with everyone in my family and move away. She kept telling me I would never be normal until I cut all ties with my family. Looking back, it was sort of an abusive relationship. She told me that she was the only one who can help and that I needed to trust her. She kept reiterating that I needed a job so I could see her 2-3 times a week. When I tried to cut down to once a week, she threatened to terminate therapy. She also told me that I was very immature for my age and needed to keep my family out of the loop since I must make my own decisions and be independent. This is why this went on for so long. Finally, I broke down and told them and they helped me leave this awful therapist.

It took me years to be able to see another therapist again, but I have a hard time trusting. Plus, none of them were able to detect my OCD even when I told them about my obsessions. I found out recently that I have OCD because I accidentally happened upon a questionnaire online and realized that I have almost all the symptoms. I never thought the separation anxiety could be part of the OCD, though.

Also, does anyone have advice about how to find a therapist who specializes in OCD? What kind of questions to ask, etc?

Can you interest some of your family in family therapy maybe? They could better help support you that way and also learn how not to undermine any individuation work on your part.