So, what do I do now?

******Trigger warning for SI*******





It has been a rough week so far. I was feeling anxious all last weekend, was doing okay handling it on my own though. Doing everything that I was supposed to do except for listening to my relxation CD that T gave me.. because I lost it. Knowing that my next appointment with T is not for another two weeks and feeling anxious I called T's office on Monday and just a message seeing if I could get another copy of before my next appointment. Not an urgent message... I know he is not the greatest at returning phone calls and I knew it would be awhile before he got back to me on this one b/c it was no urgent. Fine...

Well, Monday evening I got some news that totally triggered me into anxiety and a depressed mood.. Yesterday, I woke up hoping that I could get through the day, but it just got worst. At the height of it, I SI for the for time in months.. It was so stupid. I called T after that, in tears asking for a call back. I was pretty upset when I called and don't remember if I said if it was an urgent matter or not. T had not called me back by 4ish (I called at 10am) and so I thought I would call before his last appointment and leave another reminder. Well, I didn't realize that if I call at 4 it goes to their answering service, so I left a messaged with them, the lady asked if it was an emergency.. I didn't know what to say.. So, I just said no. T, never called me back yesterday.

I am still feeling very low today, knowing that I do not have an appointment this week with T is killing me. I just want to talk to T about what happened. Do I leave another message this morning? Do, I wait and see if he calls until this afternoon and at the end of the day call before the answering service kicks in? Or, do I not call at all and just hope that he calls back at some point this week. I should say, that the news that I got on Monday evening has to do with an even on Saturday that I have to face and I have no clue what to do and that is one of the reasons that I want to talk to T.. What do I do?

Call again this morning- tell him you know you left a message Monday regarding the cd, but that you received some news that has triggered you into si-ing and that you really need to speak to him today.

Is there anyway you can speak to T's receptionist?

Hope everything works out for you. I'm sorry you're in such a bad place.

Thanks for the reply.. I only ever get to leave a message with his receptionist so I don't leave any messages on voice mail or anything. I just feel like what if it is not urgent enough for me to warrant so many calls to him?

Maybe wait until noonish? Does he have a usual time that he does call backs? It is quite possible he's been booked solid...I mean he couldn't even squeeze you in for an apt, maybe he is flat out. I don't think it's horrible if you place another call. You sometimes really have to push to have your needs met.

I called and asked his receptionist if he had gotten my message yesterday.. She said that it was written down and still sitting in his box so there was a good chance he hadnt seen it yet. He was in with a patient when I called so she said that she would leave another message and make sure he sees it.. Hopefully, I get a call back today. I know that he was pretty busy this week so I guess he may be having trouble finding time to call in between sessions, but hoping this second message will get through to him.

First decide what you want. Do you want to talk to T? Then you have to call T and leave a message that it is urgent that you talk to him!

What will T be able to do for you on the phone? Is some of your pressure because you are not seeing T this week? That is hard to cope with as are the other events in your life but you do have to learn to. SIing did not help and you "lost" your CD. . . and now there's an event on Saturday "that I have to face".

Pick one of those four problems and do something positive about it; waiting and worrying is not helping you much in this case:

Calling T and leaving a message you want a call back
Your SI experience
Losing the CD
Saturday's event

I would pick the CD as it seems to have helped start all this and I would find, make, buy, etc. another CD I like that I feel would help me. Or, I would figure out where I "lost" it and turn everywhere I've been upside down and find it.

Doing something positive will help turn around the panic and give you back a bit of self confidence.