[zooropa]

I haven't been here in a month, and I miss you people. I hope you know how much I appreciate all the support and help I have received here.

Hopefully I'll have time over the summer to be more active here again. For right now, though, I wanted to share a message with you. This is an email that I composed to my ex-T. I haven't sent it, and I don't know if I will. For now it feels like enough to have written it. But I do want to share it here, partly because I think this is probably the only place I could share it and have any hope that at least one person reading it will understand.

So please, if you can relate to this, if it doesn't seem just completely batspit crazy to you, let me know, ok?

I heard that you moved your office to a new location.
Maybe I shouldn't ask because I don't know how the answer will affect me, but I find myself wondering if you have the tapestry that was on the wall in your old office still. Did you move it and hang in your new space?
I left my story in the gazebo in that tapestry, in a box under the bench.

It worries me that she might not have it. I mean, I don't know if I care that she has it or not, but what if someone else does? I just can't shake the feeling that some important part of me is connected to that tapestry, and I wonder...well, I don't know. I just wonder.

[zooropa]

nevermind...

[Crescent Moon]

I think you should send it! It sounds perfectly reasonable.. and I can't imagine why she wouldn't completely understand why you are wondering.

I think you should include in your email the part you said about not being able to shake the feeling that an important part of you is connected to that tapestry. It holds symbolism for you, and any half-way decent therapist understands the symbolic things that are involved in a therapeutic relationship.

[SpiritRunner]

zoo, I haven't much time to say much right now, but I get very much what you said. It makes sense to me. I get why you would feel that way and why you would wonder about it.
(I relate to what I saw in the other post too ... )

[carly011]

I think that is a perfectly logical question. If i was in your position, i think i would be feeling the same way!

I say send it!

[Perna]

I saw my T a couple periods, 9 years each time with 9 years between each period. The second time, we did some talking about how it was the first time and at one point we talked about a particular office; in our early years she changed offices often and I followed her around.

This office I loved was beautiful, elegant with tapestries, etc. It was right on a major City street; I still remember when I'm deep in talking about myself and offhand, I notice gazelles and animals like that wandering by across the street, then idly remember I'm on a major City street and suddenly it hits me that there should not be African animals wandering around across the street? The zoo was across the street, I was so into what we were working on I "forgot".

Anyway, I got to remembering and talking about this office and how much I really liked it and my T laughed and explained how it wasn't her office, she was just borrowing it! I had not thought about that (knew we were borrowing the office we were currently in and knew the therapist we were borrowing it from, etc.) and quizzed her about what offices were hers and which not? She rarely had her own office; I think I saw one eventually and was very disappointed (almost "nothing" in it :-) and was glad when we finally settled in a room next door to that one in a "director's" office; she was a very senior therapist and said she had as much "right" to it as he did and they shared it. But it was good furniture, nice light, etc.

My T spent half her year (winter) in her home country and was often gone for 2, 4, 6 weeks throughout the year, some years sometimes even longer. When I would think about how much I paid her a year, I'd usually multiply her weekly fee by only 40, as in 40 weeks in a year. When we terminated, I gave her a glass, desktop world globe, an artist's sand "sculpture" so I could imagine her looking at it and knowing that wherever she was she was somewhere on the globe thinking of me and I was somewhere on the globe thinking of her :-)

I don't think you're batspit crazy! Are you thinking of seeing this T again or what? Why the investment in that T that you aren't taking back?