inappropriate

I have a great connection with my therapist but sometimes i wonder if things are too friendly. i'm a lesbian and he's a gay man so i don't mean anything romantic but we're the same age and we have a lot in common.

but he was recently on holiday and when i went back to my next session i said "how was your holiday, did you go anywhere" and he said he was supposed to but his grandmother became seriously ill so he stayed home to help out with that.

my initial reaction was simply concern, that's a sad thing to happen of course but later at home i started wondering if it was maybe inappropriate for him to tell me that?

i'm not sure where the lines of disclosure should be drawn but it's obvious he didn't have to tell me that, he chose to. is that weird? i'm not even saying he's a bad therapist or he's unprofessional or anything. I suppose i'm just curious as to whether that is usual therapist behaviour?

I think it is up to your thearpist really.. I mean as long as he isn't coming into your session and unloading his life worries onto you than I think it is fine. I guess the question is.. What are you comfortable with? Last appointment I had with T we spent a good amount of time talking about the instruments I plan and the common interest we have in some bands. I think it helps to build some sort of connection and trust.

My T shares about his life, usually in the context of my therapy - or if we are just making general chit-chat. As long as he is not making my session about supporting him, I don't see anything unusual or unethical about it.

I would not consider that to be inappropriate disclosure. If he went on and on and told you his troubles over it, then it would be inappropriate in my opinion. If I felt it was too much or burdened me in some say, I would tell him.

My T told me when his brother in law became very ill over memorial day weekend. He was supposed to call me but he couldn't because he was watching his sisters kids because he was taken to the hospital. He also told me what procedure he was having done as asked me what I knew about it, because I'm a EMT. I just think its my T being human. I am happy he shared what was going on. Otherwise my mind would have ran wild with why he didn't call me. It's all up to you how comfortable you are with your T sharing personal things. If your not okay with it be sure to mention it. In the very beginning of my therapy I didn't want to know ANY thing about his life. And every single time he told me something I was triggered, he was aware of it and pushed me. I needed it.

That would be a pretty normal/typical interaction with my T. There is a line between just communicating information with someone and burdening someone with your problems. My T's have always shared information about their lives and interests, etc., but they have never tried to burden me with their problems. I'm curious why you thought that piece of information might have been inappropriate though. Did it make you uncomfortable? Some T's disclose absolutely nothing about themselves (which would drive me up the wall), but that works well for some people.

My T usually tells me general chit chat things as well. She did share once that she had a similar trauma issue and startles too, but didn't get any more detailed. I think it's okay to have T share; I think it made her a little more 'human' for me (i tend to have her on this pedestal)
But I agree, if it does bother you that he shares with you, just let him know; since it seems like you have a good rapport, it sounds like he would understand

Thanks, you've made me feel a lot better. It didn't really bother me that he told me but I'm in a treatment group and i know that the other therapists are very strict about self disclosure with their patients so i thought it was odd. But you're all right, as long as it's not interfering it must be fine. I'm over analysing as usual!!

If one asks a question, it is usually answered one way or another by the person we ask and in this case I think if he had just said "no" and left it at that you might have felt a bit rebuffed?

Think about the questions and if they might be a little more than one feels one "should" ask? Sometimes I know I ask questions that are just "Hi, how ya doing" sorts of questions to me but another could take more personally and actually think you want to know how they're doing? I think T's jobs are to interact so they're going to take things a bit more in detail and actually answer, aren't thinking our throw offs are just throw offs :-)

It's a great question, questioning what might be inappropriate; I'd discuss it with your T

hmm thought i replied to this but it didn't show. anyway the gist was that all your replies were really helpful. i'm in a treatment group and the other members' therapists are much more strict about self disclosure so i thought it was odd but other than that it didn't bother me. so basically i'm happy now.

No, I do not think your T's comment was at all inappropriate. You asked him a question and he answered it honestly. Totally normal.

My T and I always chit-chat a bit at the beginning of a session, which includes her sharing bits of personal information. And, during session, when I bring something up about my life and ask her questions like "have you had this experience?" or "what do you do when this happens to you?" she will happily share a personal anecodote. For me, I need to have that kind of a back-and-forth with my T. It helps me develop a bond with her and makes me feel safe/comfortable sharing things with her. Different Ts work differently and not all Ts share personal anecdotes-- however, doing so (within reason) is well within the bounds of "appropriate" T behavior.