what would you put?

I've never heard of anything like this. Do you have some sort of source or something, some research that indicates that it's good or helpful for T's to act in a "non typical" way, encouraging transference?

I havent done research. But i do know its the most healing relationship ive ever had... By a long shot,& thats good enough for me.

My t probably has research. She has research on everything under the sun and has spoken at conventions and worksops and whatnot.

Not to hand, no.. and I'd prefer not to trawl through all my bookmarks in the state I'm in right now, particularly as it's not even directly related to me. I was just trying to expand on Sarah's situation a little more. I'm sure you could do some research on effective therapies and treatments for people with DID, if you were so inclined though. It's possible there may even be good information on the 'Dissociative Disorders' forum, but I can't say for sure as it's not a forum I've personally visited.

Also, I'm not sure where you plucked 'transference' from? Nowhere in this thread has the word transference been used?! I don't feel that bonding or connecting with someone equates to transference.. otherwise it would be present in all relationships, even parental ones?! In which case it would almost seem to be a redundant, unnecessary term. Unless you're someone who believes that, of course.. but it's not a topic I've ever really looked at myself (just yet).

Iam not sure why someone would want to try to find something odd, weird, creepy, whatever ( pick your negative word) in something thats just GOOD. T and i are kind, loving people, and thats all. Shes like this with many of her clients. Im not all that special. Shes jst a great christian with a huge heart.

I asked my wife who was trained as a clinical psychologist (PhD, she works in research and doesn't practice except as a volunteer a few hours/week) why do therapists have a no gifts rule?

She replied, what rule? She said some clients gave her small gifts and she said a polite thank you and moved on. If someone had given her something valuable, she would have politely refused it because of the ethical rule that therapists are not supposed to be financially enmeshed with their clients. She said that there were a few general principles about gifts: 1) that the client's motivation in giving the gift was not to please the T, it was okay if their purpose in giving the gift was to reflect on the T journey or something like that; 2) that the client did not see the gift as somehow changing the relationship into the "friend" category; and 3) that other clients not know that the T had been given a gift, so generally that might mean not displaying the gift if it obviously seems from a client, such as a piece of artwork that says "My T Journey" from "your client".

She also said that the question was whether the T receiving the gift was in the client's best interest or not, and obviously for some clients it is, some it might not be. The T's reaction to the gift might be grist for the mill or how the client feels might be useful to explore. That might include transference issues, but I don't think gift giving per se means that the therapist is encouraging transference.

My old t would not take anything unless it was something home made.

I like LMTL's wife's explanation of healthy gift giving/acceptance between therapists/clients. Makes sense.

I think the care package sounds lovely; intentions to give seem straight-forward and this seems to be a dynamic between you that works well for both of you. Enjoy your fun.

I have given my therapist so many things over the years, mostly artwork. Everything I've given her, she has kept displayed on a desk or bookshelf. She has pieces at home that she'll remind me I gave her, that I've completely forgotten about.

I honestly don't know how I'd feel if she didn't accept gifts. I know I would understand and wouldn't take offense. But my artwork is how I relate to the world, and she uses it to help me see things about myself. When I tell her that I feel like an evil person, she points at something I've given her and asks me would an evil person make something like that? Or would an evil person give another person a gift, period?

I think initially I gave her gifts because I was afraid of disappearing from her memory between sessions. So at the beginning, every month or so I had something for her. Now, I'm not nearly so insecure.

When she's given me things, she's telling me that accepting gifts is just as much a part of being a kind person as giving gifts is. Maybe this isn't her intention, but that's what I have taken from it.

I think gifts can be a part of the therapeutic process.

I live on the other side of the country from my family so one of my favorite things to do is make care packages for them, and for friends across the country and in other countries. It brings me joy to give people presents. My t knows this. In think she also just likes to get presents
Our birthdays are a couple days apart and we have a birthday party for ourselves, and its so much fun, lots of presents and cake and stuff.its really nice to have a t who lets us express ourselves in ways we like.

I'm not TRYING to find something weird about it. I just think it's weird. I didn't MAKE myself think that. It was my first reaction/question. To me, it seems like the possible negative repercussions outweigh the positives. But I'm not your T.

I wish you luck with your T and your journey, though.

So do you see this as like a goodbye package from the kids, and then you'll start working on her request to find yourself a local T? Cos I'm worried you're ignoring what she said - has she given you an extension or something?

No it isnt a goodbye package at all. Its just for fun. Weve been wanting to send her a box for a while now. Were not getting a new t.

Well i am going to the post office tomorrow to mail her the box... I am sure i will just faint dead away when i see how much the postage is.