I'm a therapist heart breaker!

I thought you were joking about the Doctor Phil thing, since I watched Dr. Phil and it was about Brats yesterday, so I thought you were saying like "O yea, haha I got vibes from a bratty kid yesterday... I so believe you".

That's the way I took it. But if that's not the way you meant it, then I believe you.

I replied too and had you on my mind all day and the way I responded to your thread. I am not going to take it back because it was meant to be neutral and not come across as negative. I feel the energy but was trying to be objective. When we post on PC we look for validation, support and feedback. This is sort of the real world only we sit behind the screens AND do have something we share= the experience of therapy . We are not licenced to or should sound or act like T´s because we are hurting as well and maybe triggered by some posts. It´s real feedback maybe a bit more safe than if we were to let everyone in our personallifes in on the mess of therapy sometimes. I joined this forum as a suppliment and enjoy authentic feedback even if I don´t feel validated or misunderstood sometimes and I hope you will to. It´s a safe place and a learning experience- HUGS!

Is it possible, Lydia, that as a result of trauma you may have suffered early in life, that when therapists behave in ways that you fear is them getting attached, that what`s really happening is they are treating you as if they care.. holding you in positive regard? If you haven`t been treated that way before, I can certainly imagine that it might feel like they like you *too* much. Especially since you don`t feel deserving, I think it is worth considering that you might be misinterpreting their therapeutic good will. Therapists are highly trained to cope with rejection.. so I think it`s important that you give yourself a break and understand that you aren`t going to hurt them if you don`t get attached. I put my own therapist thru the wringer on that one. I gave her lots of reasons to feel rejected.. but she never acted as if she felt hurt.

Just give it some tho`t.

no, it was how that last mom kept saying everything was fine - like she wasn't reading, sensing her kid at all. I feel like I spent my first 3 years with my current T just screaming at him, but he was able to absorb it all and finally calm me down. he also hugs me every session, just like he does all his "other" kid clients, but i'm 60, not 6! but i'm 6 inside, I guess. the dad seemed more attuned to the kid than the mom, I thought.

But the thing is is that most the Ts I have do get hurt by me. And I'm not just thinking that. They end up hurt by me. And caseworkers. And some of them can not get wrapped up in it, like my current psychiatrist. But I don't know maybe I'm just really unlucky in getting therapists that remain professional. I really respect my current psychiatrist and feel "safe" around him, because I feel like I can do whatever and he won't be hurt by it and in that I feel like I have to do nothing. If that makes sense I feel like I don't have to push him away, because if I really really had to I could just snap my fingers and he would let me go.

Others I haven't been as lucky. Other therapists, caseworkers, etc, cling to me and when I snap my fingers they dig their nails in and don't let go. I am really scared of people becoming attached to me, because I can't become attached back. So I have recently been destroying the therapeutic relationship, before it ends up hurting the other party involved even more. If I sense that they're a nail digger, I get rid of them immediately, before I just put them through a wringer that will, in the end hurt them more.

One of the most important things I have learned in therapy is that I don't get to decide how other people feel. Yes, I am very intuitive, but I am not inside their heads. I have to ask for confirmation to actually KNOW if they feel a certain way.

I think you've hit the nail on the head Jaybird57. As a clinician (just a consultant now due to a major depressive episode that I'm fighting) I can attest to our personal feelings getting involved. I remember a long time ago as an intern telling my supervisor that I really felt like crying during one of the group sessions. She told me that would have been just fine... In her opinion, it would have shown the group that I was human. It did not mean, however, that I had poor boundaries...boundary violations are huge. If you get with a therapist that crosses them, tell them to back off...remember, it is your therapy....anyway, i think I'm rambling a bit, and should probably read more of this discussion, but I sincerely want people to know that therapsits can be directed in therapy too...let them know what you need, and don't be afraid to tell them what does and does not work for you.

Yes. This, except I'm not sure how intuitive I am, except with my kids' needs. I really shine there. Or maybe they're just extra willing to let me know their needs.

But if I assume I know how people feel and react accordingly, I'm going to screw up every relationship I have.

Now I'm confused again. I thought you said earlier that you are never the one who ends the relationship - that it's always the therapist. Now you're saying that you're the one who gets rid of them?

By getting rid of them, I do things to sabotage. But the most recent getting rid of was with a caseworker, who I did ask for her to be taken off my case, because she was too involved. But with therapists, I'll do something to sabotage the therapy so they don't feel at fault.

That's a lot of work, managing those around you, isn't it?

Ever think about what function that may have served at one time? And how much of a relief it would be if you no longer had to do that?

Sounds like you've recognised a pattern.

This! This is so perceptive. A huge problem with me. Assuming how people feel is deadly - we have to learn to speak up and get them to clarify their words or actions. THEN we can react, because we're reacting to the truth.

Yeah!

I used to assume I *knew* what people thought.. felt.. what their motives were.. etc. I didn't *have* to ask what they thought or felt, because I could just *tell*.

Then I was lucky, and after screwing up a lot of relationships, I found out that I wasn't reacting to the people I was in relationship with.. I was reacting to what *I* had created.. most often as a result of my own transference or projection.

eegads I'm so glad I grew out of that.