[2or3things]

Just wondering if anyone ever has the experience of feeling sad once T's been away and comes back. If so, do you know why that happens?

I often get anxious before T leaves for a vacation. I'm actually a tiny bit of a mess and pick fights with my partner, etc. I probably do that to create some distance because I have feelings about T leaving and don't quite understand them or know what to do with them. Maybe it's feeling abandoned, or maybe not...I'm not sure.

Anyway, even though I get anxious, I'm usually OK by the time she actually leaves town, and I'm generally OK the whole time she's away. I mean, it's hard sometimes, but I can usually distract myself well enough.

Lately, however, I've noticed that once T comes home and I've seen her for the first time, I get really sad. I have no idea why, and it feels like it doesn't make any sense. So I'm just trying to understand. Does that happen to any of you? If so, do you know why? And does anything change or help it?

Thanks for any insight you can share.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by 2or3things

Just wondering if anyone ever has the experience of feeling sad once T's been away and comes back. If so, do you know why that happens?

I often get anxious before T leaves for a vacation. I'm actually a tiny bit of a mess and pick fights with my partner, etc. I probably do that to create some distance because I have feelings about T leaving and don't quite understand them or know what to do with them. Maybe it's feeling abandoned, or maybe not...I'm not sure.

Anyway, even though I get anxious, I'm usually OK by the time she actually leaves town, and I'm generally OK the whole time she's away. I mean, it's hard sometimes, but I can usually distract myself well enough.

Lately, however, I've noticed that once T comes home and I've seen her for the first time, I get really sad. I have no idea why, and it feels like it doesn't make any sense. So I'm just trying to understand. Does that happen to any of you? If so, do you know why? And does anything change or help it?

Thanks for any insight you can share.

Maybe you want to hear your T say she missed you?

Is there something you imagined would happen upon her return that didn't? Did you build up the "reunion" in your mind in some way before she returned?

[struggling2]

to me it feels kinda like starting over. almost like it takes 2-3 sessions to get back in the swing of things. i dont know why. almost like "ya you had this big nice happy break while my life still sucked the whole time you were gone"...almost like im subconsciously making T regain my trust as punishment for leaving?

[2or3things]

Thanks for your insights, guys. This really helps give me something to think about. It's weird, though, because I just feel like I can't put any words to the sadness.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Maybe you want to hear your T say she missed you?

I can't deny that that would be nice. But I definitely would never expect it. And I have a policy of never letting myself want anything I can't have. (I know...probably not the healthiest way to be. But for now it beats the alternative.)

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Is there something you imagined would happen upon her return that didn't? Did you build up the "reunion" in your mind in some way before she returned?

Nope, that's not it either...at least I don't think so. After my initial anxiety, I mostly just forget about her till she comes back. I mean, I was glad she was back, because having someone to talk to just eases the pressure sometimes. And I do like her. (Well, really, it's more than that. I'm in T mostly for issues related to my mom, and I know there's all sorts of transference I'm trying to avoid.) But I feel worn down enough by T's lack of maternal-ness that I don't expect anything special. Again, I'd definitely like it. But I never expect it.

Originally Posted by struggling2

to me it feels kinda like starting over. almost like it takes 2-3 sessions to get back in the swing of things. i dont know why. almost like "ya you had this big nice happy break while my life still sucked the whole time you were gone"...almost like im subconsciously making T regain my trust as punishment for leaving?

I do get this. I don't feel abandoned by her, per se, and I can recognize the importance of her taking breaks. And it's not even like I feel like/focus on my life still sucking while she's away. But there's some sort of discomfort I feel about starting back up again. I always have trouble being vulnerable with her, but definitely moreso when she's been away.

I guess what puzzles me is why it doesn't happen until she's back. I mean, I can see feeling sad while she's not around, but if it's not that the reunion wasn't what I wanted, why would I feel sad?

I dunno. But I really appreciate you all trying to help me figure it out. Thanks!

[kirk]

Did you talk to your T about this issue?