The search is on.....

All,

As some of you know, I've not had great T experiences and yes, I'm looking again, in full awareness that there may not be a therapist who can deal with the likes of me......

I'm sick of taking stabs and flying blind on this.

Anyone have any suggestions? I have a few friends in therapy, but I've been told that can be weird to have the same T as your BFF.....!

How can I go about this in an intelligent way? Are there professional associations? Online reviews? (God forbid that I had done an online review of my cold, distant T!)....Should I check review boards or any other such things? Shall I contact my insurance provider (they initially sent me a huge long list that was so bewildering that I threw up my hands and decided on this whole life coach thing).

I'm not completely disenchanted with the life coach approach because some of my remaining problems would perhaps be suited to a "I'm here to check in and set goals" approach.

Any thoughts?

the last good T that I had is on the left coast...miles and miles and now years ago....but the relationship was transformative!

Any hints for locating that great helper in a tiny town?

Has anyone here ever done online or phone work with a T?

Clearly, I'm doing something wrong, and if I'd never had a good therapist, I would just say.....the heck with it...but I do think it is worth another try....

Or do I?

MCL, my first T was a nightmare and i also live in a smaller town. I absolutely love my new T and Ill share with you what I did, maybe it will help. I took all the providers available on my network and immediately goggled them all. Ruling out ones that were "not what I was looking for". IE, they were strictly CBT, too young, bad reviews, didn't like their picture (sad but true) etc. Then I called the few I narrowed it down too. I then narrowed it down again to ones who were willing to phone interview or answer emails prior to a committed session. Then I laid it out for them, what I MUST have (emails and reassurance) and what I cant stand (T's that are too busy or pushy and wont explain things) . One of the phone interviews, taken aback by my forwardness, referred me to my current T and the rest is history. I went into it with an open mind as I never thought I would see a male who was younger, but alas what do I know....I'm just the patient...LOL Good luck dear and let us know how it goes.

lola has near perfect advice.

I just asked my pdoc, he's known me for a long time. He knew my big issues, and he knew about mishaps with prior t's. He did give me a fairly good pic. Do you have a gp, or gyno or pdoc you trust?

Okay....I agree!

I never thought about narrowing search prior to appointments, and unfortunately, I'm the type (can do!) who will TRY to have a T relationship after a first appointment --even if I have some qualms.

I need to avoid this! I need to "interview" if possible by phone. I have felt that some Ts make EVERY effort to get you into the office and then EVERY EFFORT to get you to sign up for the long haul. I need to go slowly! I need to do this in a different way. Thanks, guys for your pointers.

I think Lola's advice, combined with talking with my gp (who I do trust) is a way to go.

All thoughts are welcome.

You mentioned you have friends in therapy. If they like their T's you might ask them to ask their T's if they have any rec's for you. I have done this on behalf of my friends before and my T came up with some great suggestions for them!

EJ

Good point, I have done the same... I explained my friends personality to my T and ask for a referral for her to someone he thought could help her. Cause I'm not sharing my T with anyone I know...LOL

I'd take a really good look at the one T you had where the relationship was "transformative". Try to figure out what worked in that relationship. How did you feel at your very first appt? Did your gut tell you that this was the one, or were they just OK at the beginning and then the relationship deepened. What kind of a personality did they have? What was their therapeutic focus?

I'm just thinking that if you can identify what was so good about that T, maybe it will help you find those traits again in the ones you interview.

And I think googling and interviewing by phone is a great way to whittle down the candidates....good luck!

I found the one I am in constant conflict with on the psychology today site. The one who I have a calm interation with was a referral from the therapist of a person very close to me. She talked to me to find out what I was looking for and then gave me three people to check out.

Thank you people of PC...good footholds for me.

Bunny's suggestion is really sparking some thinking. What I liked about my former t was his eclectic approach..I never thought he got "stuck" in dogma or one way of looking at things. I liked the fact that he was pretty active during our sessions and that helped a lot. I don't do at all well with the BLANK SLATE, and I think I need to factor out Ts who use that approach.

What would that be?

Is there any particular therapeutic "branch" or "speciality" that is known for Ts who say nothing at all?

Is that Freudian or analytical or something? Seems I should avoid that at all costs.

This is feeling really really risky for me.

I like the eclectic approach too, which is what my current T does. It feels less like he's a "technician" following a certain methodology and more like interacting with an actual human being.

I saw a psychiatrist back in the '60's for about 8 months, and he did the blank slate thing. He would never really talk to me. Every time I asked him a direct question, he would not answer but ask ME a question. Frustrated the hell out of me! I think that's psychoanalysis, the Freud thing. It sounds your old T was more psychodynamic so that might be good to aim for.

I have a PsyD and it's phycotherapy , lcsw with CBT was the first train wreck... Sounds like you want phycotherapy

that was the problem with the old guy. He would not even answer a direct question about his approach! I asked him about his outlook and methods and he looked at me and said, It might be.

So the slate was completely blank. Creepily so. I could not take it. Absolutely freaked me out. Others might think it's great; I don't. However, what was really difficult to deal with was his "incitements," like hanging the pictures in his office upside down, calling me on the weekend from his home phone and yet demanding that I return his call at his office number, the list goes on. I won't bore you.

I am now on the hunt again for someone who works in an eclectic way, takes my insurance, and is fairly interactive. I see myself with a woman, but would be open on gender, but not the blank slate.

Wish me luck..I need it!


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Gross. I think the theory behind blank slate is to be what the client needs you to be. I don't think it's supposed to be a license to be creepy and weird.

I'm not sure you can blame your ex-T's issues on the blank slate approach. But I do think it's a great idea to explain what didn't work for you in previous therapies so that you can observe how a potential T reacts to your negative experiences. I find it either interesting, entertaining, or both to criticize their unknown colleagues/and or profession. And I've interviewed quite a few, maybe 2 dozen, potential Ts. The ones I have always ended up working with are not those who blindly defend T itself or former T, and not those who act exaggeratedly horrified, but those who calmly and straightforwardly talk to me about how they do things.

Good luck!