[Aston]

Hi everyone,

I've read numerous posts on how it's essential to find a therapist (psychologist) that is a good match for you. Having no experience with therapy before, I found one online which on paper seemed really good but going in I really didn't know what to expect.

I came in overwhelmed with problems, possible depression, previous issues with anxiety attacks, relationship problems, life problems and just general feeling unwell. I figured I could use some profesional help that everyone says it's so great. Since I don't have insurance that covers psychologists I have to pay to the tune of $250 for 1hr session out of my own pocket and treatments are to be once weekly to start so it's not cheap.

Well I have done two sessions already and can honestly say I feel very dissapointmed and I'm not sure if I'm just not giving it the right chance or if the therapist is not right for me. I'm hoping someone with more experience can give me some insight.

Here are my issues with this psychologist:

1. She was late 20 mins for my first appointment and 10 mins for my next. She said we would make up the time but given that I'm paying quarter of a thousand dollars for 50 mins of her time at least she could be on time not to make me late for work. I was her first appointment of the day.

2. She never seems prepared for our session, she uses our 50mins of time to scroll through my file and says things like "let me read through your file to make sure I know what I'm doing". If she needs to give me a printout of something to read she never has it with her she has to go to filing cabinet and find it and come back a few minutes later to give it to me and let me read it in the 50mins of paid time we have together.

3. I told her how I'm feeling and all that I'm going through ex. possible depression, relationship problems, feeling very down and cloudy, have hard time dealing with emotions and that I have experienced panic attacks before but they are better now. So out of all these things she picked up on panic attacks and said we should do CBT for that for the next 6 weeks. I reiterated that I havent had a panic attack in months and that it's a secondary issue now and she said lets tackle that first. I feel this is not a priority but I don't know if to turst her or just insit on treating the other things bothering me.

4. Overall in two sessions (some $500 later) nothing has been done expept she has learned some very basic things about me, showed me a chart on how panic attacks work (a chart which I later found online), and sent me off with homework for me to tabulate when I have physical sensations and emotional sensations and what goes through my head at the time as I get anxious so she can use that info for our CBT. This has been hard to do because I haven't really been experiencing panic or severe anxiety to the point where I have physical sensations. I feel that we are trying to tackle a secondary issue here.

So overall guys, I'm just not sure if I'm not being patient enough and expecting too much from two sessions or if it's time to find another therapist. On one hand I want to give this one a chance since I've already invested time and money into her but on the other hand it just doesn't feel like I'm getting my moneys worth and talking to her is not the easiest for me (not sure if its just opening up in general or her in particular).

Any suggestions folks?
Much appreciated,
Aston

[Fixated]

Being late and using your therapy time to root through files seems inexcusable to me, especially at the beginning of therapy with a client.

I think you should give her one more session, but in that session, you should tell her exactly what you've said in this post. Let her know you're feeling cheated etc. See how she responds. She might just be having an off time. If she responds to your concerns in a way you can accept, maybe give her another appointment or two to prove she can make changes. If you don't like what she has to say, terminate.

Also, $250 seems like A LOT of money for a psychologist. Is there no one cheaper?

[mcl6136]

You've strike me as a thoughtful person who is trying to give this a chance but it seems quite expensive and you're not getting much relief or insight, right?

Searching is hard, but this doesn't seem like a great match

That is a really high fee for therapy. I think my T would have to walk on water before I'd shell out that kind of money; it seems not at all in line with customary charges.

Going to the file, eh, if she didn't know ahead of time she was going to give it to you, no big deal. Lateness, as first patient of the morning, could be an issue. 10 minutes wouldn't bother me, but 20 minutes with a really good excuse would be a red flag. Focusing on something that you have clearly told her is not a problem would be my biggest problem. I don't get that at all. Just doesn't feel very confident or something; not sure what it is. Think I'd probably move on, particularly at that price she doesn't sound like she's giving you your money's worth at all.

[WikidPissah]

That is kind of pricey....there was a thread about costs: HERE
(just to give you an idea)

I can see hitting the anxiety first, because as you delve into other things your anxiety is probably going to escalate. so why not teach you some control techniques ahead of time.

The lateness is an issue I have struggled with myself (ETA: my t is always late). It probably won't go away. People who are always late are...well...always late. Not a heck of a lot gets them to be on time. So if it's not tolerable for you, then you may want to cut and run. Late people are also usually unorganized.

I would definitely tell her your concerns before making a decision. See what she has to say.

[harvest moon]

I totally agree that you should give her one more session tops, she seems rather unprofessional to me. Plus her fee is really high, especially for a psychologist! I'd probably look for somebody else... Let us know how it goes.

[Sr564231]

i personally, would not give her another chance. You seem like a person who really wants to change and work on yourself and she is being rude. I would never stand for that-her being late etc. One time, maybe but twice you can see a pattern. its called being unorganized>and that means she will not be on top of things to help you. My therapist has two pages written out of what he wants to work on with me just in case i dont have anything to talk about that is urgent. move on.....

[unaluna]

Those are psychiatrist rates. You could have had 4 or 5 sessions with a "regular" psychologist for the same amount of money. Being 20 minutes late for a new patient - idk. What reason did she give? idk, I just can't get around that fee. it's like having a rolls royce for your first car, or learning to cook on a really expensive cut of meat. ya know? or paying for salmon then finding out it's carp.

[ListenMoreTalkLess]

I think the advice to go back and confront her with these issues you have, particularly how you feel she's not responding well to you and the lateness, is really good advice. I usually give it but I find myself not wanting to go that way-- which is probably my own issue.

I think that over the years and various bouts of therapy, I've been really irritated by a couple of things I have seen in T's who I have interviewed, but not seen for any length of time (usually just 1 session, maybe a couple for others). One thing is T's who just have a hammer for every problem. Depression? Let's do CBT. Anxiety? Let's do CBT. Child abuse? Let's do CBT. Don't get me wrong, CBT is a perfectly valid and proven therapy for some kinds of problems. But what it sounds like to me is that this T just uses something she's comfortable with, CBT, and just does it no matter what.

The second thing is that I do not like disorganized people who "help" me. I've got several disorganized and late friends, don't have issues with that. The rifling around in the files and the lateness suggest a pattern of disorganization that I find problematic in a professional who charges roughly twice the going rate for therapists. Is she an MD? Are you in some particular swanky part of Canada where these rates are normal? If not, then her behavior just seems really unprofessional. T's who charge that much ought to be flawless in their professional behavior. They also ought to have a pastry chef on site who can whip up your favorite treat while you're there for you. (just kidding about the last thing)

[kirk]

You are far too patient. I wouldn't give her one more chance, not even after the first session.

I think if I were in your shoes I'd find another T. She doesn't sound particularly professional, and that would grind my gears - especially given the rate she's charging...

Also.. CBT? Might not be my place to suggest the type of therapy you go for.. but.. some of what you said makes me think it's not going to be what you're looking for? I just don't think you're going to be satisfied with homework and charts and box checking - even if the T turned up on time It sounds like you really need to talk and be heard, work on deeper stuff... I'd suggest maybe looking for a T with a more humanistic/person centred approach? Just my 2 cents

I agree that it's terribly expensive, and it's making you really sensitive to how the time is spent. That's about $5 per minute, so even a quick trip to the filing cabinet is costing you a lot of dough. Plus it's out of pocket, so I understand your concerns about getting value for your money.

Plus, she sounds very focused on specific actions hence the CBT, but it sounds like you would like to talk more and have her LISTEN to you ... you know, to be heard. My feeling is that a good psychologist at a more reasonable rate would probably be more beneficial to you. When you're not counting how much every minute is costing you, you get more into "talk therapy" where you can express yourself and vent and have someone who actually listens to you.

nothing new to add, but maybe if you choose to see another T you can find one with a sliding scale or discount for cash....also make it known that tardiness is not acceptable in advance.

[kiki86]

she sounds rubbish. and way over priced.

[Aston]

Everyone! Thank you so much for the extensive feedback. Based on your words of wisdom I have decided to look for another therapist who is a better fit for me and at a more reasonable cost. Thanks so much everyone

[sconnie892]

Her fees sound incredibly high to me.

As for the first two sessions you talked about, that was somewhat how my first two went as well. Session one was "get to know you" and session two was going over a treatment plan for almost 25 minutes. I was annoyed at the time, but the treatment plan has been very helpful in the long run.

My t dealt with the anxiety first and once that was more controlled began to work on other things.

I would give it one more session, but bring up the concerns you outlined above. Remember you are a paying customer. You should feel you are getting results if you are shelling out that kind of money.

[KazzaX]

Sounds like a dud T to me. She sounds unprofessional and lazy. And plus, you can do CBT for FREE in mannnyyyy many places - why pay 250 bucks per session for it??? For that kind of money I would be wanting a much, much better service than this woman is providing you. Dump that zero and get yourself a hero, as they say on Jerry Springer.

[Mom of Jr Sooner]

Obviously she is too busy to focus on patients and their needs (not to mention very expensive). As your GP to refer you to someone. They can usually help you locate a good, new doctor.

[sunrise]

I think what you've experienced so far is enough to know that this is not a good fit for you, especially with the very high hourly rate. Do you want to spend another $250 explaining why things aren't working for you? She sounds quite inexperienced to me, for instance her comment about wanted to read through your file so that she knows what she is doing, sounds like a beginner's insecure comment. And her wanting to focus on an old issue you have surmounted--panic attacks--despite your desire to focus on more pressing problems shows she is not a good listener. A third session might benefit her, as it would let her know why you have found her unsatisfactory, but from what you've written, she doesn't sound with it enough to be able to change quickly. Do you want to spend a lot of money so that she benefits? I think you can find someone who is less expensive and a better listener with better skills. If it turns out part of her issue is inexperience, perhaps try to find someone with more experience next time. Good luck.

[scorpiosis37]

If I were in your shoes, I would start looking for a different T. The biggest red flag is that you've told her that panic attacks aren't a primary issue for you and that you'd prefer to tackle the more pressing issues first-- and she has refused to listen. If 2 sessions in she's already ignoring your input and pushing her agenda on you, that says a lot about her approach as a T. She thinks that SHE knows best and she is uninterested in what YOU think/know/feel about yourself. At this stage, your T should be LISTENING to you and learning about you rather than telling you what to do. It sends the message that she has very little respect for you, your ability to understand yourself, and your insight into your own history, patterns, issues, etc. Personally, I could not work with a T like that-- because it wouldn't be a collaboration. It would feel much more like a dictatorship. Add to that the lateness, the looking for worksheets (which seem impersonal), and the exorbitantly high fee-- and I'd be out of there!

In my experience, the best Ts have been the ones who really seem to be listening to me, remember what I've said from session to session, are interested in my own insight, and see the therapy relationship as a collaboration.

As far as price goes, it seems that "average" is $80-$150 per session, without insurance. However, if a T offers a sliding scale, you could be paying much less. If it were me, I would probably look for a T that is closer to that price range. I see no reason to pay $250/session unless that T has particular expertise in a niche area that you absolutely need or you feel like that T is the ONLY one who can help you.

[Freefall1974]

I was hoping there was a major currency exchange rate between the CAN$ and US$, like 2:1. Sadly. no. I would find someone you are more compatible. The first appointment of the day should be on time, otherwise the donio effect happens. Imagine if you had a 4:00 appointment. Her lack of organization is unacceptible. My T charges half that and is oneof the most prestigous groups in town. Even the most popular Pdoc charges $125. Also, my T never roots thru any filing cabinet for info she wants to give me. She has it printed out before I get there. She also remebers every detail week to week. Please keep looking. You probably can find someone for half the price. Good luck.

[likewater]

Get a better T. I had one like what you are describing and ended up in er before i swtched. She actually made me worse. Beware of the overworked T's that read your files in session and cant remember anything about you and push their own agendas on you. While they are doing all that, they are not listening and they are harmful!