[Thornsandroses]

My T's father passed away over the weekend. I only saw her for about half of session last week because she had to leave work due to his sudden illness.

I was called this morning by the MH center to inform me that she would be out the rest of the week.

When she returns next week I would like to tell or show her my sympathy for her, without crossing any boundries of coarse. I'm just not sure how to go about that.

I can tell already that I will find it hard to talk about my life which is also in termoil right now, (a close family member of mine is also ill, but expected to make a full recovery.) without feeing sorry for her loss and not wanting to burden her more then she is already.

I think a card would be nice, and not crossing any boundaries.

If they are not up to the job, they are supposed to reschedule the appointments. Do you know her well enough to know whether you can trust that she's up to it, if she returns?

[Thornsandroses]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I think a card would be nice, and not crossing any boundaries.

If they are not up to the job, they are supposed to reschedule the appointments. Do you know her well enough to know whether you can trust that she's up to it, if she returns?

MKAC, I don't know if she would show how much pain she is in. I do remember her saying at one point, that her dad and her were very very close. She has been out for almost 3 weeks, because her daughter has been hospitalized also, and she emailed me during that time, saying how sorry she was for being out so long. I have a feeling she will come back, whether she is completely ready or not.

[stopdog]

I would probably just say I was sorry to hear of the therapist's loss and move on. I once read a book by one of these guys whose wife died and he said the best thing anyone could do for him was to just let him to his job.

I agree. I think if T is back in the office T is trying to get back to normal. T will know how to take care of herself, hopefully. She should be fairly good about being able to decide if she's up to it or not. I certainly think acknowledging it is helpful, it takes a bit of awkwardness out of the air immediately. Like, we touched on it, it's in the room, and let's move on. I think you can certainly talk about your feelings, of how it made you struggling with your own turmoil, etc, and I'm assuming she will talk about how she can take care of her needs and is there to help you with yours during this hour.

Being out 3 weeks, obviously things have been tough. Being able to accept she may NOT be 100% firing on all cylinders. It does take a bit of time to get back in your groove. But you by no means have to "protect" your T from her own job.

Don't overdo it. A simple acknowledgment of her loss is all that is needed. When my T's dad passed away last year, he did share a bit with me about the last few hours with his dad, but that was purely unsolicited on my part. I know coming back to work after my sister died, I really didn't want to get into discussions about it because I needed to stay composed for work and it was very emotional to talk about to everyone. Let your T deal with her grief with her own family and friends; let her be your T in session. If she wants to provide any details or discuss she will, but she knows what she needs to do to deal with her grief. You don't have to protect her or make her feel better. You can't, actually. If she's not ready to work, she'll take more time.

[Perna]

When you both are sitting down, ready to start the session, I would just look at her and say something like, "I was sorry to hear about your father's passing."

[Butterflies Are Free]

When my T's mom died a few years ago, I got her a card. She thanked me for the card, said that she knew she would really miss her mom, and then moved right into the session with me.

[Thornsandroses]

Just wanted to thank everyone for your very helpful responses. I feel so much more at ease after being reminded that, she knows her own needs, and that I don't have to be careful what I talk about in session.

I probably still won't go into anything really deep like my childhood trauma that we were working on before her life was turned upside down.

I think I'll just stick to the day to day junk I am dealing with, for a bit....

But knowing T the way I do, I can just hear her saying.....I noticed you haven't been talking about your childhood for the last few sessions. What's that all about......