[autotelica]

I'm hesitant to share for some reason. I know it doesn't make sense, but I'm still scared to be completely *open* here. So forgive me for being so obtuse.

A couple of weeks ago, I saw a very nice neuropsychiatrist because I have an unexplained movement disorder and I would like for someone to explain it to me and help it go away, if possible. I left with a potential diagnosis, but nothing solid. I shared it with my therapist--thinking she would voice some skepticism--but she was all, "He's right. Let's look it up, shall we?" Then she whipped out her trusty copy of the DSM and went over the criteria with me, telling me which ones were me "all over".

Part of me feels...strange. I don't know what emotion I feel, so maybe someone can help me. It's apparent to me that she knew all along. For four years, I've been going from doctor to doctor, pushed along by her to find answers, and only getting really bad news (like, I may have a neurodegenerative disorder). Lots of tears have been shed and money spent. And all the while, my therapist--the only person who inhabits my day-to-day life--had a strong suspicion about what could be going on. She told me she didn't want to say anything because most people are diagnosed in childhood and she doesn't work with kids, so she wasn't 100% sure. But still, she knew and she didn't tell me or anyone else. Not even my shrink, who maybe doesn't know me well enough to make that judgment.

But I can't be mad because I don't even agree with the diagnosis! I know I'm an eccentric person--which is why accepting my personality disorder diagnosis wasn't difficult to do. But while the diagnosis makes perfect sense and I don't blame anyone for drawing this conclusion, I am having a hard time accepting it. My mind keeps arguing with itself and the things I'd imagine she'd say.

So I'm very confused, and it hasn't helped that I haven't seen her in two weeks. I sent her some desperate emails and she gave me some suggestions for how to handle my distress, with promises about everything working out in my life. But I don't know if I should believe her. If it's not a big deal, why wouldn't she tell me? I'm also scared that this is it. She's about to fire me. That will bring much pain and sadness.

[Indie'sOK]

My ex-therapist and pdoc diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder. I can see how some things might point to this, but overall it just felt wrong. There's always been a reason for my anxiety.

[Sunne]

I've been misdiagnosed (depression, clinical depression, and bipolar) since I was 18. I'm 33 now. I'm in the process of assessment with my T, and so far everything seems spot on (complex trauma).

[lostmyway21]

My T diagnosed me bipolar and I fought him for mothes and thought he was completly insane. Well fast forward nine months later anddd he was right. I saw a pdoc for two years and T was the first person to pick up on it. Sometimes it's hard to accept but I think T's have a good read on us.

[unaluna]

I figured out I had epilepsy after it stopped on meds (ten years ago). I had this little shiver-seizure thing right in front of my psychiatrist one time, and HE asked ME what it was! wtf? shouldn't he be telling me? I think everybody ie my family knew about it, they just NEVER said anything about it. people suck. from what i've read, there's nothing to do about it, so I really can't complain, but the family dishonesty does irk me. if you can't trust your family, who can you trust?

I just wonder why your t never said anything to you. I hope you will be able to work thru this.

[Nightlight]

I hope you're able to go back and talk to your therapist about all of the things that are bothering you about this. My therapist is unable to give me an official diagnosis, but she did mention hunches that she had when I first started seeing her. She left the diagnosis to someone who is qualified to diagnose, so it came from a GP. Although my T probably knows a lot more about what diagnosis I fit into than my GP does, she was careful to discuss the way I was behaving, which fitted into certain categories, without officially diagnosing me.

If it was just a hunch your therapists had, perhaps she didn't think it was her place to suggest something that she was unsure about. She may have thought that other things needed to be ruled out first too. It sounds like you're imaging all of the worst case scenarios. I do that too and at the time all of the worst possibilities don't feel like they are silly things to worry about, but what could very likely happen. I still worry now, but I can tell you, every time I've worried about the sorts of things you're thinking now, it's been a whole lot of stress over nothing. If your therapist is good, and you have a solid relationship, she's not going to leave you. She was trying to help you with the replies she gave you too. That doesn't sound to me like the type of person who is planning to go anywhere just yet. I know it can be hard when it's been a gap of two weeks though. It's easy for negative thoughts to take over in that time. Hang in there!

Not knowing what diagnosis you are talking about makes it a bit hard to know how to reply. If the diagnosis is not one in a therapist's normal realm of expertise, then she was probably right to leave the diagnosis to the experts in that particular area. Otherwise it is a bit like arm-chair quarterbacking. Sounds like it had crossed her mind but without having the expertise to make that kind of diagnosis she left it between you and your specialists to figure out. (Again, just a guess.)

Personally, I prefer it that people who really don't have any definite expertise in something keep things to themselves. My husband has a rare neurological pain disorder and when people start making suggestions, etc. based on absolutely no real knowledge of his condition but only on their gut and their arm-chair quarterbacking, it is annoying. The information they give is almost always incorrect. In fact, our T is really bad about doing that to him concerning his condition and it really causes a great deal of fall-out at home when my husband is unable to remember that T really hasn't the foggiest idea what he is talking about in terms of my husband's medical condition. (Note to self to remember to chew T out about this very thing next time I see him.)

Your T may have been very much doing the professional thing to keep her opinions out of it if she felt she really didn't know enough to make that kind of a diagnosis. Trust me. Be thankful for small favors.

[autotelica]

What you say is true, farmergirl (and everyone else who responded too). It's a neuropsychiatric rather than psychological disorder, which is probably why she kept pushing me to look for answers. And it's also a rather controversial thing, which is why I think I'm reluctant to claim it and even talk about it. If the experts can't even agree that it exists, why should I?

I think when I see her later this week, I'll have made my peace with it.

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by hankster

I figured out I had epilepsy after it stopped on meds (ten years ago). I had this little shiver-seizure thing right in front of my psychiatrist one time, and HE asked ME what it was! wtf? shouldn't he be telling me? I think everybody ie my family knew about it, they just NEVER said anything about it. people suck. from what i've read, there's nothing to do about it, so I really can't complain, but the family dishonesty does irk me. if you can't trust your family, who can you trust?

I just wonder why your t never said anything to you. I hope you will be able to work thru this.

Hi Hankster..

I work in the field of neurophysiology, specifically with seizure disorders. Psychiatrists don't really have training in the field of epilepsy, so it doesn't surprise me that he didn't know what your symptoms might mean. Epilepsy is diagnosed and treated by neurologists, and more specifically by a sub-specialty of neurologists called "epileptologists." Epilepsy and other seizure disorders aren't easily diagnosed, and usually require testing with electroencephalograms (EEG's). That said, medications often used for bipolar and unipolar depression are our standard anti-epileptic medications - for example Lamictal, Trileptal, Zonegran, Keppra, Depakote. So it is certainly a possibility that someone with untreated epilepsy could find themselves relieved of the symptoms during treatment for bipolar or depression with an AED.

If you do indeed have epilepsy, see a neurologist. The only way to confirm a diagnosis of epilepsy is with an EEG - often with long-term video monitoring (several days to a week). Most cases of epilepsy are well-controlled with medication.

[mommyof2girls]

My t stated a few weeks back that I have Sociopathic Tendencies.... I deff disagree...

[Perna]

That your T suspected what now the NPdoc has pretty much confirmed, it has to feel weird and like you are being left out? It's a bit like walking into a surprise party isn't it? Takes a little bit of time to process what is happening and how all your friends of 25 years were contacted behind your back, etc.?

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Crescent Moon

Hi Hankster..

I work in the field of neurophysiology, specifically with seizure disorders. Psychiatrists don't really have training in the field of epilepsy, so it doesn't surprise me that he didn't know what your symptoms might mean.

Thanks, CM! That is the most anyone has ever explained about it to me. I am taking topamax 200mg, and haven't felt the buzz in more than 5 years. once I sort of figured out what it was, it was scarier. i'm just glad it has stopped. thank you so much for taking the time to explain. if it ever does break thru again, I will know what to do.

[autotelica]

Originally Posted by Perna

That your T suspected what now the NPdoc has pretty much confirmed, it has to feel weird and like you are being left out? It's a bit like walking into a surprise party isn't it? Takes a little bit of time to process what is happening and how all your friends of 25 years were contacted behind your back, etc.?

It feels like I've had a piece of food stuck in my teeth. Most people don't get close enough to see it, or maybe they do but they don't understand what it is. But my therapist has seen it all along and didn't tell me until someone else was brave enough to say something about it first. I thought it was her job to tell me stuff like this. But now I'm realizing she was helping me deal with the discomfort, which is more in her purview.

So I don't feel mad or betrayed. And I'm starting to understand why she's held on to me so long even though I haven't met the criteria for depression in a long time. Maybe it was good that I had two weeks to digest everything on my own.

She emailed me today out of the blue. That cheered me up and made me feel okay.

Many years ago i was misdiagnosed as bipolar. I knew that i wasnt. My current therapist is like, are you kidding me!? Youre as DID as they come! Howd anyone miss that!?

[sunrise]

I think your T could have told you her suspicions along with the caution that she isn't qualified to make a diagnosis and suggest you see a neurologist and given you a referral. When I raised the possibility to my T that I wondered if I had ADHD, he asked some questions, thought there was indeed that possibility, and immediately gave me a referral to someone who could diagnose. If treatment is available, I don't know why they would not make a referral, just in case.

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by hankster

Thanks, CM! That is the most anyone has ever explained about it to me. I am taking topamax 200mg, and haven't felt the buzz in more than 5 years. once I sort of figured out what it was, it was scarier. i'm just glad it has stopped. thank you so much for taking the time to explain. if it ever does break thru again, I will know what to do.

Yes! Topamax! Another one of our great anti-epileptic drugs! It's often a first-line treatment, and treats a wide range of seizure types. And yes.. if you do have epilepsy then it's not uncommon for seizures to evolve over time and break through current treatment, requiring dosage or treatment changes. So you you start experiencing the symptoms again, or if you start experiencing different symptoms that are concerning, then hot-foot it over to a neurologist that treats a lot of epilepsy and ask for an EEG.