[skysblue]

Although I'm looking forward to seeing T and bringing her up to date on all the incredible things I've experienced emotionally since I last saw her almost 3 weeks ago, I do not feel the anguish I had felt months ago when I wasn't able to see her once or twice a week.

I guess what has happened is that I am better able to process and manage my emotions. When I began therapy I had been living with so many suppressed emotions that when they were finally exposed and released I felt like I was going crazy. I didn't understand what was going on and I had a lot of fear associated with all those emotions.

Depending on my therapist was a life saver. Experiencing my need for her, although uncomfortable much of the time, was really a gift that I allowed myself to receive. I made friends with my neediness and my attachment to her and was aware how much I depended on her for a sense of stability while the emotions bounded up from the darkness and threatened to destroy me.

Because I trusted my T and because I knew in my heart she would not abandon me, I was able to explore those alien emotions and work through them and not be so frightened of them.

I learned methods and tools of how to ride the waves. I'm not saying I've learned my lessons perfectly yet, but I know enough now that my T has become more of a backdrop of support instead of my main foundation of stability.

So, now I'm able to stand more on my feet and not feel so weak and unable. Her support these past few months has been the key element in my growing self-awareness.

I offer this 'testimonial' for all of you who still struggle with the discomfort of the feelings of neediness and attachment to your therapist. The fact that you feel needy is a good thing. It really is for your benefit. Trust it and allow yourself to accept it. For me, it offered a true path of healing.

Don't get me wrong. Initially I fought it tooth and nail. I was angry that I felt dependent and attached. I was ashamed of my feelings of neediness. I was embarrassed that I felt so weak. Oh, my, did I struggle with those feelings of helplessness.

But somewhere on my journey I began to 'know' that the support my therapist offered me was an invaluable tool for my growth. I slowly began to detect that there was a treasure hidden within that uncomfortable sensation of need. Could I have enough courage to not only dive into the messiness and murkiness of painful emotions beginning with the shame of neediness, but could I also find sufficient amount of bravery to uncover the treasure hidden there - the treasure that sometimes is not recognized, the treasure of allowing ourselves to be helped?

I do not understand how I was able to take that leap of faith and trust. But believing that it was o.k., really, to feel needy was that first, most important, step.

And look now - many months of extreme neediness on my part has been transformed to a real sense of independence. It works. It really works.

My advice - don't fight the dependence, don't run away from the neediness, don't reject the attachment. In the end, those feelings help more than anything else. They allow us to receive help - in the most real and authentic way possible.

Skysblue,
Thank you for sharing your journey through that awful stage that we all go through- The Neediness, attachment stage, thankfully you came out the other side. You described it beautifully, if only my T woould explain it like you have and not be so afraid of it I think I and a lot more of us here wouldn't be so afraid of it and would in fact embrace these feelings. You are very insightful Skysblue and wise, did you ever consider becoming a T?

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by button30

The Neediness, attachment stage, thankfully you came out the other side.

I have a hunch that anyone who will allow themselves to tolerate those uncomfortable feelings and not fight them so much, will definitely come out the other side.

Once, when my therapist was leaving for vacation, I wrote her a poem entitled, "I Hate You". I read it to her in session and confessed my fear of her being gone.

I asked her if any of her other clients felt this way. She said she was sure they did but that they would not admit it.

I suspect I took that leap of faith because I was suffering so much emotionally and I wanted to get through the pain as quickly as possible. Maybe it's like taking that nasty medicine in order to get well. idk

I just know that by my T allowing me and even encouraging me to express ALL of my emotions, she opened me up in ways I could never have imagined.

Yep, therapy CAN work. I am evidence.

This... is awesome. Thank you, skysblue. And well done. I bet it didn't come easy.

[geez]

I hope you shared this with T! If not I would print this out and read it to her next time you see her!

Originally Posted by skysblue

Once, when my therapist was leaving for vacation, I wrote her a poem entitled, "I Hate You". I read it to her in session and confessed my fear of her being gone.

Would you be willing to share that poem? I would like to hear what you said. I often feel the "I hate you" for my therapist. I read her this post and she thought it was very insightful! Thanks for sharing this with us.