[LoneWolfie]

I am getting very frustrated and overwhelmed as I am tired of telling my Pdoc that I feel empty and numb inside. I was on an anti depressant for 15 years, it worked for 14.5 years.

This was the start of the down hill slide, I was depressed and suicidal and ended up hospitalized for almost 6 weeks. Before I was hospitalized I was diagnosed as borderline. I have since gotten two more of the same diagnosis from other Pdocs.

Anyway I was on a whack of meds in the hospital and my anti depressant was whiched to Cymbalta which I found made my anger even worse.

So my Pdoc who I see weekly weaned me off and told me I would be put on a new anti depressant and mood stablizer because my mood swings from anger/irritablity and being sad change like a switch being flicked.

Well I was put on Abilify 2mg a day and that is it. I have spent the last 7 soon to be 8 weeks saying personality and in my weekly writing to her that I am constantly crying and that I don't feel a thing inside.

I am at my wits end at this point. Even the seroquel that I use for sleeping at night isn't working like it used too. I am waking up in the middle of the night and end up online.

I feel like I am dying inside and no one is hearing me. Now I understand why people self medicate with booze or illegal drugs.

Is she now thinking I don't have a chemical imbalance and the depression won't be helped with meds? Well I was perfectly fine for 14 years between major depressive episodes.

One Pdoc told me borderlines suffer from cronic depression, so was she also saying there nothing that can be done?

At my wits end and just tired of not being heard.

LW

There are lots of meds out there and you are an expert on you... If they aren't working they aren't working. I changed pdocs til I found one who realize I know my own body. Stick in there try something else, Prozac and Xanax work of me.... It's trial and error, unfortunately this isn't an exact science as we all react differently. Chin up dear.

I think... think... that while medications can be helpful in raising/stabilising mood, the best treatment for BPD is through therapy... challenging the thought processes... finding the 'true self'... well, there are a bunch of theories. Sometimes it's difficult to pinpoint what exactly is working and why... and what works for one may not be the way for another...

I've felt the way you do, and whilst I'm feeling somewhat better and more stable lately, funnily enough I did tell my T just last session something like 'No wonder people get off their faces on drugs' - I was feeling like everything was futile, and I had the whole Trainspotting theme running through my head, you know? 'Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family, Choose a ****ing big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers...' Sometimes it's hard for me to try and get out of that mindset.

Getting back to the meds, though, I tried a BUNCH of different ones with no success, and in the end my doc got me on one of the older tricyclics, and it made a big difference for me. Apparently they can be more successful for treatment-resistant depression... so, maybe that could be worth discussing?

Like LolaCabanna said above: trial and error, unfortunately! I think that can go for boths meds and therapy.

I don't understand why she didn't put you on another antidepressant when the cymbalta didn't work. There are many, many options to try. You need to be very direct with her and ask to be tried on another antidepressant. I may be wrong, but you mentioned telling you her symptoms of crying, but you didn't exactly say you specifically asked to be placed on another antidepressant. Perhaps you need to be more forceful in the way you ask. 2mg abilify is a really low dose (at least it would be for me), and I didn't find it did much for depression even at 15mg (despite what all the tv commercials advertise).

I think you need to become the proverbial squeaky wheel about this. If you haven't been in for an appointment in 7 or 8 weeks (?), sounds like it's time to get in face to face and ask for her to take some action. You had a successful history with antidepressants, so it would make sense that they would still work even though you probably need a different one after all that time. (I'm impressed if you actually used the same antidepressant successfully for that long; they never work for that long for me.)

Sit down face to face with your pdoc. Ask her the questions you have about your diagnosis and medication treatment. Get a plan of action going. Don't be passive about your treatment. You have to really advocate for your treatment.

Your sleep hygiene sounds like mine. Getting on the computer in the middle of the night becomes a really bad habit that totally screws with your sleep pattern. Try to avoid doing that. Read something really boring. Try some relaxation exercises. Something other than technology; technology is not going to help you sleep. The dose of seroquel can also be adjusted; another thing you need to speak to your pdoc about.

Also, therapy will be hugely important in treating BPD, so if you haven't gotten established with a good therapist, work on getting that started also. Good luck to you.

Not important. Thanks!

[LoneWolfie]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

There are lots of meds out there and you are an expert on you... If they aren't working they aren't working. I changed pdocs til I found one who realize I know my own body. Stick in there try something else, Prozac and Xanax work of me.... It's trial and error, unfortunately this isn't an exact science as we all react differently. Chin up dear.

She seems reluctant to put me on anything. That is what I don't understand. I feel that she is just letting me suffer. As for finding another pdoc, that isn't easy as I am not paying to see her. I can't afford to put money out to see someone. In Canada pdocs are covered but most just write scripts and seeing a therapist or whatever costs money.

My hands are tied at this point and I will just have to keep pushing and hope she relents. Yet she won't even give me the Abilify for more than a week because of an overdose I took 9 months ago.

[LoneWolfie]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

I don't understand why she didn't put you on another antidepressant when the cymbalta didn't work. There are many, many options to try. You need to be very direct with her and ask to be tried on another antidepressant. I may be wrong, but you mentioned telling you her symptoms of crying, but you didn't exactly say you specifically asked to be placed on another antidepressant. Perhaps you need to be more forceful in the way you ask. 2mg abilify is a really low dose (at least it would be for me), and I didn't find it did much for depression even at 15mg (despite what all the tv commercials advertise).

I think you need to become the proverbial squeaky wheel about this. If you haven't been in for an appointment in 7 or 8 weeks (?), sounds like it's time to get in face to face and ask for her to take some action. You had a successful history with antidepressants, so it would make sense that they would still work even though you probably need a different one after all that time. (I'm impressed if you actually used the same antidepressant successfully for that long; they never work for that long for me.)

Sit down face to face with your pdoc. Ask her the questions you have about your diagnosis and medication treatment. Get a plan of action going. Don't be passive about your treatment. You have to really advocate for your treatment.

Your sleep hygiene sounds like mine. Getting on the computer in the middle of the night becomes a really bad habit that totally screws with your sleep pattern. Try to avoid doing that. Read something really boring. Try some relaxation exercises. Something other than technology; technology is not going to help you sleep. The dose of seroquel can also be adjusted; another thing you need to speak to your pdoc about.

Also, therapy will be hugely important in treating BPD, so if you haven't gotten established with a good therapist, work on getting that started also. Good luck to you.

I have spent the last 8 weeks telling her to her face and in my weekly writing that that is atleast 2 times a week that I am crying and not sleeping.

The seroquel is my wife's script because I was on other meds for sleep that didn't work, so I just went back to what I knew worked and was prescribed by another pdoc at the beginning of this, the current pdoc is aware that I am taking it.

I am starting DBT an intensive 15 week program on Sept. 11th.

I know there are alot of meds out there and that it is trail and error, I don't know why my pdoc is refusing to give me something.

My wife and I were just talking awhile ago and she just said "do I have to write something or go with you to the pdoc and tell her what things are like?" I don't see a point in that, yet part of me wants her to write what it is like living with me, maybe than my pdoc would get the picture.

The Abilify at 2mg she told me is for depression although two weeks ago she said she is using it for my anxiety. So I am totally confused.

Your psychiatrist’s reluctance to prescribe medication is most likely due to her not seeing the presence of an Axis I disorder. Many psychiatrists believe medication is not indicated for BPD, since they feel personality traits rather than chemical imbalances are the cause of the symptoms.

[KazzaX]

The bottom line is, pdocs are just doctors with an extra piece of paper. Doctors are not people people, so to speak. All the doctors I have met are in it for the money and the prestige, not the patients. Sucks, but that's life.