[Butterflies Are Free]

My T is on vacation this week and I am down the shore with a friend. I feel fine about not having my sessions with T and am happy about that. My question is this: When my T was away on a break two weeks ago, I really struggled because I was not having my sessions. However, I was also in a mild to moderate depressive swing with my Bipolar Disorder. So I am wondering if anyone on this site has a harder time with stuff like that when they are struggling with their mood. I was fortunate enough to be able to use several different strategies to help myself but the difference between how I felt about T's vacation 2 weeks ago and how I feel now is huge - I guess I get frustrated because I do not want my mood to affect my emotions/thinking. I guess that's just part of having a depressive disorder!!! Anyway, any thoughts or insights on this would be appreciated. I will be going kayaking later so I will try to check in after that. Very grateful to be feeling stable...

I think this is true for many. Bipolar or not.

[Perna]

I think the change of scene has a lot to do with it. Think about when you quit a job versus when a coworker you enjoy leaves? When you moved as a kid and left friends versus when a friend moved? Now you are in a place where T has "never been" in your head and heart so it is harder to place her there?

[KazzaX]

I'm always down, never average or up (in terms of mood) but I have noticed even with a bit of a reduction of the "down", the world looks completely different. So I would say the same goes for thoughts about your T appointment.

[AngelWolf3]

That's a good way to look at it, I think. I never made the connection that mood would affect it, but I agree that it does! I notice when my kids are around on my weekends, I am upbeat and happy and don't have my depressive thoughts, and when they are not, I am sad and lonely and that's when it's harder not to give in.

I am excited for you that you are getting to kayak and get out and have some fun!!!!!!! YAY!

[ListenMoreTalkLess]

The title of your post is a great question, an interesting one to consider.

I think that for me, these two things, the way I think about an event that is more or less upsetting to me and my mood, seem to mutually influence the other.

A while back I started noticing how "even" I felt all the time. I told my T, maybe it's a delightful apathy. But I'm not an apathetic person in any way and I don't think anyone would characterize me or the way I am in the world as that.

Instead, I think it was just that I'd become less attached to my moods, less concerned about whether they were up or down or sideways or whatever. And I noticed that the things that happened that were not joyful or pleasant were just not that big a deal at all. And as I started to think more that the bumps in the road with my wife or children or friends were just not that big a deal, my mood stayed pleasantly unflustered. And then people in general just seemed less hostile and more kind. Maybe emotions and cognitions are a vicious circle when things go bad and an uplifting spiral when they are going well. Maybe they emphasize the negativity of each other, but they can also promote their collective positivity.

[autotelica]

It makes sense to me to want help when you are feeling at your worst. I hate the holidays not only because that's when I am emotionally stressed, but also because I don't have my therapist to lean on.

Going to therapy is the best thing of my week. Take that away and I don't have anything to look forward to. Replace it with something else, though, and it's not so bad.