Getting closure with old T

****warning a long long ramble***

Hi I am the one for those of you that have supported/remember my threads with the T that keeps ignoring me and don´t want to fill out important paperwork.

( Still no response and yes I do contact her regulary, last time yesterday) GP can only write in the papers that she has the details from me ( about my former treatment ) and that she does not know me well enough to fill them out ( unemployment benefit stuff) THIS IS NOT A NEW POST ON THIS ISSUE also I think when I write about this on this forum I am not looking for "logical" advice anymore I am just venting because I am so drained at this point.

I have been dxéd with mixed personality disorder with compulsive and a dominant of avoidant traits for those of you who wonder... Whats up with this person Can´t she just deal with this. Well... nope....not so far.

This is basically a nightmare and I might loose any income, my appartment and have not even had single a job interview yet after hundreds of applications.

I have a good degree. Was able to perform well at my job ( can´t do it any more do to ptsd and the pd) used to be high functioning with out any days of work ( even though I struggled on a daily basis). Well now I have been on a sickleave/ unemployed becauce I had a serious crash and burn for almost a year and a half. ( This does not do any good for my obsessive compulsive mind- I have always been able to work long hours and it is part of my identity)

-------------------------For those of you that have maid it the far in the post--------
I have been seeing a PDOC ( number 1)for seven years who gave me another dx than my ex t and knows my pattern but did not think I had a PD but depressions moodswings and so on ( but avoidant too yep). I never really talked to her about my issues at work as she supported me through school and early on when work was sort of okey..and at that point I did not really talk in therapy).............Then she refered me to another PDOC ( number 2) Who did more talk therapy..........we talked about work but as I did not get better ....she refered me to yet another PDOC ( number 3)....so if PDOC number 3 is ignoring me, PDOC number 1 gave up, PDOC number 2 excuse for refering me to a long ( two years) intensive treatment was that she had to go for vacation for a couple of weeks...Were does that leave me when I need a doctor to fill in some paperwork?

If you have made it to the end of this post you deserve a gold medal I am looking for feedback ( good and "bad" ) so just bring it on I can handle it if my post even made sense. And again it is about paperwork but there is so much emotional stuff going on in my head that I am not able to think yet again or take action or decide anything

So both PDOC3 and T are ignoring you? Have you considered finding a new PDOC and T?

Thanks pbutton. No Maybe I did not make that clear. They are PDOC´s doing therapy ( and meds if needed)

Maybe I should also add as there is alot of talking about transference on this forum:

number 1 I had a " I am going to make you proud and thank you for all you did for me. I am fine now () and did not want to disclose to many details because I wanted her to like me and me not being mentally ill. That kept me going for a long long time )

number 2 ..I never really understood her and we were not a good match but I liked her anyway. She did hurt me so much when she refered me and said what we had been talking about ( goals etc.) were not realistic, I was on my way out of the door after paying her the last time I saw her. It broke my heart as she had supported this ealier on and I felt like a failure. ( My old boss also wanted to pay for that further degree I wanted so I was confused big time)

number 3 really helped me and I have positive transference going on like h...That is why I am hurting and are not able to deal with this stuff.

lonely, if you really need the paperwork filled out, can Pdoc 2 do it? You may HAVE to get an appointment with a pdoc 4 to get the paperwork done. Also, you can notify pdoc 3 that you will be reporting her to the licensing agency since her negligence is going to cause you actual harm: loss of income, etc.

Thanks MKAC. Thats what I am wondering. Can Pdoc 2 do it. These are all Pdocs who know each other (proffessional and privately) very well so I feel like I am splitting them into pieces. I have some issuses with pdoc 2 as I stated and I feel like : if one parent won´t let me I will go to the other one to get what I wan´t.

I am not going to report Pdoc 3. I am an adult () and I was the one who chose to terminate ( and her promising to fill in the papers, but still) I should be able to handle this as a normal adult. I simply just don´t know how. I am stuck. I probably will end up seeing a Pdoc 4 on this one. I will hate every minute of it but maybe that`s the way to go afterall

Lonely, I totally understand being completely paralyzed by a decision that feels like it should be straightforward.

These two statements together make me really worried:

Is there anyone -- a very close friend, or family member -- who can help you with this? It worries me that the stakes are SO high yet you still feel like you can't cope with your emotions enough to make decisions. Might it help to have someone to push you a little bit every day?

I'm going to say something that I am hoping you will take in one way and not another, which is this: when it comes to getting this done, it doesn't matter how you feel. Yes, of course it matters to ME and to people on this board and to the people who care about you how you feel. But when it comes to getting things done, sometimes you have to find a way to set aside how badly you feel about it, if it's urgent enough. I understand you're mostly just venting here and not necessarily looking for solutions, but this is pretty serious!

How you accomplish setting the feelings aside is going to be different for everybody... you sound extremely overwhelmed, and I wish I could tell you something that would help. For me, it helps to plan things in teeny tiny steps and just not think about how unattainable and/or painful the big picture is.

Can you think of one small thing, every day, that you can do that will take you one step closer to a resolution? I do agree with MKAC... it may be best to get another a pdoc 4, as absurd as that is (honestly, I don't know what's wrong with these people). So for instance, can you make one small goal to be to contact either GP or pdoc 1 or someone who will definitely respond to you, to ask for a list of referrals? Then the next day, contact one of the referrals? Then the next day, contact another referral? I'm just throwing suggestions out here.

Hey Lonely. Of course your emotions are wild about this, mine would be too. This last T left you high and dry, and that really sux. What matters most right now is getting those papers filled out, so please set up an appointment with someone who can do that. Have whomever fill them out while you are present so that you can be sure to have them.

I am so sorry you've had to go thru this, you haven't been treated fairly at all.

Thank you for your replies. I do have a good support system ( apart from my pdoc) It was nice of you even to think about that ( Sally Brown). I ask them on a regular basis about this issue and they support me with the same advice as you do.The reason that I use this forum is that I don´t know anyone with mental issues or anyone who know what it is like to have transference issues in therapy, irl. I come here in hope of a slightly different perspective because we on this forum have something in common, no one really can understand unless they have been through therapy.

I know that I am not dealing with this in the right way. And my social situation could turn out for the worse because of this. I have been adviced to keep contacting my pdoc, I have done more " intensely". This does clearly not work. I have been advice to contact my gp, who can´t really help me and wonders why my main treatment provider can´t do this

I think it all boils down to the fact that whom ever I see tells me oh I can help you, then refers me, says you are welcome back, then refers me, promise to fill out stuff then does not, promise to me be there if I NEED help then ignores me. In an extreme way for the past five months. I don´t know what to do or think anymore. This has been going on for so long I am literally a mess. I don´t understand why my pdoc ( number 3) can look at me with " loving eyes" give me a hug, give me a promise over an over again just to then ignore me when I am in a crisis and need some kind of support. ( And paperwork done)

I know I should not be emotional but I am more screwed up in some ways that when I first started there.

Also I fear being rejected by another PDOC if I call one. It´s important that
the papers gets fill out correctly ( long story, this is not the issue here)... But who can take me seriously if I tell my story of PDOC´s to yet another one. Because clearly there must be something really wrong with me if the PDOC I have been seeing won´t sign her name to a piece of paper. And may I add the paperwork and why I needed it, was her suggestion, so this makes me even more confused.

I will deal with this one way or the other. I just don´t understand it anymore.

Thanks for your advice and letting me ramble a yet again.

Lonely, this is NOT your fault . I think it might be a lot easier for you to handle this once you really start believing that, deep down. Your T's behavior disgusts me, to be totally honest. I wouldn't find it immature in any way to report her. If she ends up being the cause of serious misfortune for you, there ought to be consequences. I find it shocking that someone would put another person in that position in the first place, and even MORE shocking that it is a THERAPIST putting a patient in that position.

In fact, I'd almost call it the adult thing to do. Allowing someone to abuse their power like that is something kids do with their parents, because kids don't know how to defend themselves, and tend to think that they (the kid) must be wrong and their parents must be right. (I'm not saying you're a kid, I'm just noting the parallel. I do the same thing sometimes.) Is that a dynamic you had with your parents?

You entrusted -- as you should have -- this paperwork with your T. She took an oath to do no harm, and she is violating that oath by breaking this contract of trust with you. It is in no way surprising to me that you feel worse than you did when you started seeing her. It's awful, though.

As for your other pdocs, this is kinda why I asked about people who can help you IRL (I also asked because when I am paralyzed in a situation, I do stuff like ask my H to bug me every day until I do it, which he doesn't mind doing). It's hard to know what the situation is without knowing more background, but it really doesn't seem like your getting kind of passed from one to the other has anything to do with something being wrong with you. It seems like the referrals from 1 and 2 were specifically to help you, and not because you refused to cooperate, and not because they didn't want to help, but because it seemed you ought to try someone new. That's not you -- that's normal! You've only had 3 T's... do you want me to list all the T's I've seen for one reason or another?? It's more than 3!

There's nothing wrong with you for seeing more than one pdoc, and there's nothing you've done to make pdoc3 such irresponsible scum. Her irresponsibility is 100% her and 0% you. It sounds like you've been continuing to contact her, which is good, might as well try -- but you shouldn't have to do that. It's not just her job, it's the oath she took. You are not asking too much to get this paperwork done. I think it might help a lot to reinforce your self-confidence, as in it might make the path seem clearer when you decide you know what you want, and you deserve it, and you have no time to deal with people who treat you badly.

Sally Brown.. thank you so much for taken the time to post again.--You know what -- this is so strange and good and the same time. I have always defended my PDOC 3 because she IS great in sessions and people can´t understand that I feel this way She on the other hand could not figure out why I kept defending my some what " neglecting parent" .She wanted me to see/ admit that I had a difficult childhood. I could not because I don´t really want to admit it/ thought it was " semi" okey. BUT when I read your response ( Sally Brown) It was like hearing my PDOC 3 ( the one who is ignoring me and pushing my buttons at this moment) trying to tell me in sessions that my parent did screw up by not being avalible, that it was not my fault,that it is the parent who is responsible, and that I did not get my needs met by my parent and I should not have to deal with people who treat me badly. Hmm... Am I putting too much into this or is she really trying to tell me something still?? She knows I have a hard time talking to tons of health proffessionels and that I would rather close up ( read I get in the state where I am now, stucked, childish, closed up an confused, and seek my " unhealthy parent for support" ...I have had tons of people in my childhood do to my absent single parent) AND display avoidant behaviour irl. Hmm ....Am I close to something??

You are absolutely on to something here! You've probably noticed that it's a common theme on this board that no matter how badly our respective parents treated us, we tend to excuse it as "not that bad". And comparatively, my parents really weren't that bad! They weren't physically abusive, and I wouldn't even call them emotionally abusive. They did always think they were doing the right thing. But they made mistakes, and some of them were pretty egregious. That doesn't mean I don't see the good things they did. There's not just one box for good parents, and one box for bad parents.

Same with T. If you say she was a brilliant T in session, then I don't doubt it. But like your parents, ultimately, she's just another messed up person with her own messed up parents trying to hack it in this world every day. We all know people who are brilliant at one thing, but shockingly irresponsible about other things. She's probably in some level of denial about how much she's hurting you, and is ignoring you in order to stay in her protective cocoon where she doesn't have to face the difficulty (difficulty coming from her, not you) of just dealing with you directly. I don't know for sure, since I'm not in her head, but it seems that way. They are HER problems interfering with your interaction, not yours.

When you say she is trying to tell you something... honey, NO. She isn't. You need to let go of that idea. It honestly doesn't make any sense at all. Even if it were true -- which it isn't -- it would mean she's willing to let you wind up homeless in order to prove a point... in which case, that makes her an even worse person (in my opinion) than if she were just avoiding you but at least with a guilty conscience.

She is being irresponsible, and reprehensibly so. This doesn't mean she wasn't good to you while you were right in front of her. It doesn't undo the good aspects of your therapy. Good and bad can coexist. But this particular type of "bad" is dangerous to you and your future, and you can't go on excusing it, or taking the blame for it. There is no explanation that would make what she is doing the right thing to do -- it's just wrong. You really need to accept that and move forward. You have done the wrong thing before with people who love you, yes? And the thing to do is admit you were wrong and move on. The fact that they love you doesn't make everything you do no longer wrong. Just like the fact that you love your T doesn't make this not wrong. It is wrong.

What does your RL support system have to say about her behavior? Are you the only one making excuses for her, or are there others?

Thanks again, Sally Brown!

I know that I come across as " going around in circles in my head " which is true... But just to let you know it means alot to me and I do process the responeses I get.

You are right about me having to let go of the question: What does she wan´t from me, what does she want me to see or realisize AND this is were I am stuck.

My support system RL are clever people just like you and others who have posted to this thread

They think she is a "loony" and I need to just deal with the papers and let go of the fact that she is not doing me any good when doing this over and over again. So I know I am the only one trying to defend her

I must say that you pointed it out if a some what different and " blunt way".The honey part worked for meI think it is sinking in now, that this is not a "therapeutic trick" but she really is leaving me to sort out this out on my own and are willing to let me end up homeless I know I need to take action in another direction and not let myself get in a paralyzed over this trying different methods. I will call my gp on monday and say that I am being ignored again and again, since I saw my gp to get the papers filled out, that I am a mess and let her refer me to someone else or what ever she suggest. I really do feel like a little child now trying to get a need met, that my " parent" won´t provide and I fear that like my gp said... go speak to your PDOC= " parent" (again) everyone else will say whats up and why don´t your parent do this what is wrong try contacting her again. I also know that I might have to report her if I do loose the economic support while unemployed ( thanks MKAC) and I have done my best to take action and seek every help possible. I absolutely hate this! I will try to go in a "I have to save myself mode and not worry about her"...I simply simply just don´t get it and never will understand it. On the other hand. If I do succeed on this one I think some of my issues will diminish because I have never been so triggered before so maybe some good will come out of it in the long run that I can learn from Thank you again. It means alot to me.