Thinking of dumping my therapist in a callous way..

Last session my therapist came across as rude and disrespectful. For this reason I'm thinking of revenge. My plan is to not turn up at my next appointment without telling her, to ignore her emails and texts and to unexpectedly out of nowhere send her a message that I've found a better therapist who can actually help. I'd feel better about myself for doing this.

revenge will only hurt yourself. It's ok to cut and run, if that's all that you can do, but to send a nasty message afterwards is distasteful. Why prove her right? Act like a grown up and either talk it out or just move on. Vengeance never makes anyone (especially yourself) feel better.

Good Luck.

How long ago was your last session? You may feel better in the short run for doing that but maybe not in the long run? We have the power of choice, though. So if you think that would be what is best for you-then so be it. But is there a option at all to try to get some clarity on why she was rude and disrespectful? If not in person then at least by email?

I would encourage you to not act on your anger, but instead to go to your appointment and talk about everything you posted here.

Sounds like some interesting stuff to share with your T - mine always tells me never to quit in response to a feeling.

Your therapist won't be hurt at all. She will just charge you a fee for the missed appointment and just shrug at the unreturned messages.

My therapist once said that I could never hurt her. You can take this to mean one of two things. Either she likes me so much that I could never do anything to make her stop liking me. Or that I'm just not that important to her--that she saves her hurt feelings for people she actually loves and cares about.

Guess which one I think is the case?

I know. But I'd be happier.

It might feel good for a moment, but the odds are you'll feel worse after you do it. Treating someone else with disrespect (even if we believe it's justified) really never makes us feel better about ourselves in the long run.

If someone was really disrespectful to me, I think I'd feel better telling them off to her face. Or giving them the silent treatment to their face.

Behavior that incurs financial costs to me would make me feel pretty crappy, though.

I can totally understand why you would want to do that, but I really don't think it will make you feel better about yourself. To act on revenge is a step "backwards." It's immature and reactionary; it will not make you look superior or in control. It will send the message to your T that you don't want to do the "hard work" of therapy and would prefer to just run away. She will also probably think that when the going gets tough with your new T, you'll probably run away from that, too. She will think that therapy did not work because of you, not because of her.

The "mature" thing to do would be to tell T that you are upset by X, you are considering terminating with her, and you would like to come in for at least one final session to get closure. It's much more powerful to actually tell T what she has done that upset you, and why it makes you no longer wish to do therapy with her. That actually communicates to her what she has done that you think is wrong; it gives her something to possibly learn from. Maybe she would even acknowledge to you that she made a mistake. And, on the other side, by giving T a chance to respond and listening to what she has to say, you have the opportunity to either (1) confirm your belief that she doesn't "get it" and you don't want to continue with her, and you were right or (2) realize there was a miscommunication, or that you can see where she is coming from, or that she now recognizes her mistake, and that it is something that you might want to work through.

I've found that, in the long run, it usually feels good to be the "bigger person" in these situations.

yeah it's bad karma, man. aka it goes on your permanent record

yes. and permanent record is nothing to sneeze at. T will report it to pdoc, pdoc will write it down and mention it to new T whom you will have to give permission to talk with pdoc. It's a circle. I had a string of hospitalizations that follows me everywhere because my insurance covered it and knows about them.

it could also mean that you're being relieved of the responsibility of having to worry about her emotions. that you cannot make her feel anything and can feel free to say and do what you need to say and do in your therapy, leaving her to be in charge of her emotional states.

just a thought...

Yes, that's also true too.

Being rude and disrespectful will make you feel better about yourself?

(It should be noted that I've often wanted do the same thing. It happens when I am hurt. I strike back and try to get the upper hand so that I can feel "strong" again. It's totally crappy and maladaptive, but I do get where you're coming from.)

Cancel with enough notice or just don't pay the fee. That could make one feel powerful for a bit= that one refused to pay.

I don't believe you owe the therapist an appointment or explanation to quit. If you want to quit, call or text or however you communicate and cancel and go on with your life. But I do think if you quit, then have at it with no attempt at getting back at her. First, I seriously doubt the therapist will care and second because I don't really think it would make you feel better.

I keep thinking, what if the tables were turned, and your post read:

"Last session my patient came across as rude and disrespectful. For this reason I'm thinking of revenge. My plan is to not turn up at my next appointment without telling her, to ignore her emails and texts and to unexpectedly out of nowhere send her a message that I've found a better patient whom I can actually help. I'd feel better about myself for doing this."

I caved and did this one time. Well at the end of the last session I just said to her at the end "well that's it from me, this was my last session, thanks and goodbye" and left before she could say anything, lol. Then I went home and tried to hold myself back for about 3 hours but I couldn't in the end, and sent her an email. It was not a nice email. But in my head at the time I believed that wasting 3 years of my life was not nice either, so it was warrented. This T was only after my money and she got 3 years worth of it!

But yeah! It felt GREAT at the time. She replied and I didn't read it, just deleted it. I felt awesome for a couple of days but then..... THE GUILT SET IN!

Now when I look back I feel pretty dumb about it. I didn't lie in the email, I just told her my opinion (in a point blank kinda way, lol). I get the guilts whenever I think about it, haha. I feel like although she was a fraud, I should have held back on that email. It was not the nicest email. I feel a bit slack about that. But yeah its one of those things thats good at the time but you regret it later.

FRom what I have read on here, there are therapists who have acted in a fashion not that far from this description.

What did she say, BTW?

Good for you, Lycanthrope.

Please keep in mind that your correspondent is not and has no desire to be a big person. I'm not high-minded like the other posters here.

I keep hearing that living well is the best revenge. I think revenge is the best revenge.

I've consistently noticed something about professionals who say they entered their fields to "help people."

Almost always, what they're actually doing is controlling people.

What set off you're abusive therp was almost certainly a power issue.

In some way, somehow, she perceived that you had moved out of your designated position: emotionally prostrate and utterly dependent.

In my experience, hell hath no fury like therp challenged or rejected in any way. The level of vindictiveness is breathtaking.

I don't like giving people advice. I will here.

I urge you never to make personal or any other contact with this woman again. She is toxic and will do her best to leave you with scars that never heal.