Do you feel like your T REALLY cares about you?

Oops! That reminds me, I haven't paid for today's session.

Yes.
....

Who knows?! This is one of my big dilemmas in therapy and in life. I think we went 10 months before T realized I didn't think she cared about me. Heck, I didn't even think she liked me. She was pretty shocked. She said she's never had anyone come in and think she didn't like them. (I must wear her out then. )

She refused to say the words for a while because she said I wouldn't believe them (which was somewhat true). She said things like never cancelling, always being on time, listening, and being respectful showed that she cared. But that's when I told her it was her J.O.B. I don't see how she could really care. And if she does it for all her clients, then it isn't even personal to me...she just cares about doing a good job.

T was pretty exasperated over my job argument for a while, but at some point she stopped acknowledging it as a legitimate argument on my side, and, surprisingly, that actually helped.

She says she cares about me as a person (I finally asked) and not just some number. When I think about it rationally, I can see evidence. When I was SUI, I accidentally discovered that she started sleeping with her phone at night in case I texted? I guess that's caring, right? Don't think she'd ever done that before, but it's possible she never had a young, sui client before too. But still, not all Ts would do that.

And when I left on my trip, she offered to let me e-mail her as much as I wanted. Not even just about therapy stuff....said she wanted to know what I was doing. It blew my mind. I know part of her reasoning was to get me more attached, but she always seemed excited/happy to get my letters, so I guess that's caring.

Wow. This is a long reply. Think maybe I was trying to work it all out for myself too? lol.

One day, I made a list of the proof I have that T cares. I eventually tore it up in anger during a time I was sure showed she never cared, but it did help for a while.

They all say they care. This in itself kind of proves to me that it's part of the job. They have to care, if they don't they refer you off.

Dont think mine cares, I've not been able to speak to her for a month and things arnt good.

During the session I believe I am of the upmost importance to my T. I wouldn't expect that to extend to between sessions.

I figure they have to care. I mean, I'm Miss Super-Detachment and I still can get caught up with and invested in characters on TV shows. These are people who chose a job helping people. They sit there and hear all the details and get to intimately know people in real life. Why wouldn't they care?

Note: I don't think they care in the not-so-healthy constantly thinking about it type of way. I'd hope they're all healthy enough to care in a productive managable way.

i don't know..?

No i don"t

I KNOW my T really cares about me because I've brought it up a lot, asking if I'm just her JOB. She's told me how much she cares about me and I'm NOT just her job. She's shown me in many ways how much she cares. Yes, I'm sure she cares about her other clients too, but so what? A mother can have many children and care about each one. A teacher has a whole classroom and cares about them as individuals. The therapeutic relationship is unique and intimate. If I were a T, I can't imagine not really caring about my clients.

I think mine does, but in an impersonal way. She just seems like an overall nice, caring person. I think she pities me.

I Know my T truly cares about me-he has told me many times. <3 I also truly care about him (I hadn't thought about that before this question-but I do)

The crazy part about when the therapist has told me she cares about or likes me is - I don't understand why she is telling me such information - whether true or not. It is not like I have asked or anything. My first reaction is usually "how does that relate to what I am telling you? Let's pay attention shall we?"

yes, i think he really does care, but it scares the hell out of me, like someday he will see the real me and "poof" it will all be gone.

Yes. My T shows this in word and deed. She thinks about her clients outside of session. She prays for each one daily specific to our needs. She has gone above and beyond.

now thats funny!

Right now? Nope, i think she can take me or leave me.

My t says i pray for her brain, and her knowledge-- her heart is not for sale.
And yes, she definitely loves me, she says it all the time and shows it by her actions- extra time, extra sessions, giving presents, giving me a birthday party, taking me to the park, for ice cream, etc etc etc

My therapist hasn't come out and said "I care about you". He's said things like, "....and you believe that you also don't matter to me..." which insinuate he does genuinely care about me.

IMO, the acid test is, will they break the rules for me? My T definitely did.

My T2 refuses to do a 45 minute hour, only does a 1 hour session.
But then goes over sometimes.
Last time we met 1 hr, 22 minutes.
Maybe he cares about me walking out of the room feeling whole.
But he sure sucks at making me feel safe.
So I don't know.
How does anybody know?
Everybody could be acting. I think it's all guess work. I'm just guessing all of the time. People are guessing about me, too. Do I care? Why do I feel so much? Would I stop feeling if I could? Does that matter?
I think T2 cares in a professional sense.
I don't know beyond that.

Acting like you care about someone AND being convincing is hard to pull off. The last time I had to act like I even liked someone, not love, it was a big effort for a 10 min interaction. Love is hard to fake.

Hi Shish!

This would not be my acid test. I don't want a therapist breaking rules for me.
But I am glad it worked for you.

No... of course that is at this moment... not sure how i will feel later