[~EnlightenMe~]

How can I get over this? My T promised that I would be the one who chose the ending date, that I would be the one who chose to terminate. After 7 years, and after about four months of him being totally different than he used to be and suggesting I was the problem. (too needy, he couldn't be who I wanted him to be, etc.)

Did he terminate anyone else or was it just me?

He admitted transference/projection, which I appreciated, but I can't process that, it goes nowhere. My rage is turned inward, which I guess he's happy that I'm not projecting it his way. Now I have to get over being terminated, as if I don't have enough baggage, he added to it!

I'm trying to deal with this intense emotional baggage and he walks through the raindrops. My absence was what he wanted all along.

He totally decimated whatever self it was that he helped build. He demolished it. He didn't cause all of this as it was there before, but he added to it. I am so ****ing stupid for trusting him. I need to see another therapist, but why the hell would I want to pay someone to promise things, and then do the opposite.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Antimatter

How can I get over this? My T promised that I would be the one who chose the ending date, that I would be the one who chose to terminate. After 7 years, and after about four months of him being totally different than he used to be and suggesting I was the problem.

It does sound like your T is having a crisis of his own.
Ts do burn out sometimes.

Antimatter maybe the relationship just ran its course....you outgrew his area of expertise or his ability to help. I'll never trust one to think they will never leave, but you have to tray T won't leave until that cannot help anymore.

Oh ((((((((AntiMatter))))))))...this is awful. Of course it's completely triggering and brings up so so so many issues and the one person you probably *need* to work through it with you *can't* work through it with. I'm so sorry.

Things fell apart with me and T this winter, slowly, over a few horrible months, and I finally terminated in June. In my case, since I terminated, it feels like there is a chance to go back and work through some of what happened...but I don't know if I'll ever REALLY feel like we've worked through it. A lot was said, a lot of trust was broken, and mostly I think it's stuff I just can't get back, ever.

I really think it's worth it to find another T to work through it with. I still may do that myself. You need someone to hear your story as many times as you need to tell it, and to help you contain all of the big fears and feelings that it's bringing up. You deserve help with this.

Remember that it's not black and white...this doesn't have to be the "perfect" therapist, no promises have to be made, etc....you just need someone to help you through something that must feel impossible to move through on your own.

I'm SO sorry, Antimatter. I would be totally spiraling out too.