I am just wondering have any of you gone to see a T specifically because of their orientation?
I oersonally don't think it makes any difference but then again I have never been to a gay one. But T1 specialised in gay issues but most of the time she didn't understand the woman with woman relationship. I think T2 is much more understanding and not as judgemental.
Have any of you had experience with this?

Well, that's an interesting question, while I don't have a clue about my t's own orientation, on her online profile she states among other things that she specializes in gay/lesbian/bisexual issues and I've realized that must have subconsciously influenced my decision to call her in the first place, since one of the things we've worked through is my past experiences with women and that while yes I am married to a man now and happy about that, the bisexuality is definitely part of who I am. It has been very freeing to realize and fully accept that part of myself. I don't really care what her orientation is, it's more important to me that she accepts all these parts of me that we are discovering/uncovering. Not sure if that answers your question or not.....

Originally Posted by artemis-within

Well, that's an interesting question, while I don't have a clue about my t's own orientation, on her online profile she states among other things that she specializes in gay/lesbian/bisexual issues and I've realized that must have subconsciously influenced my decision to call her in the first place, since one of the things we've worked through is my past experiences with women and that while yes I am married to a man now and happy about that, the bisexuality is definitely part of who I am. It has been very freeing to realize and fully accept that part of myself. I don't really care what her orientation is, it's more important to me that she accepts all these parts of me that we are discovering/uncovering. Not sure if that answers your question or not.....

Thank Artemis, it satisfies my curiousity
I was the same actually, when i saw her online profile and it had the Gay/lesbian issues I rang her straight away not because I thought she was gay but because she would have a better understanding but she didn't.
I never knew her orientation but it did drive me mad wanting to know.
It is freeing to be able to say to T am gay woohoo, I never told anyone before besides partner and for T to say its ok being gay in normal/natural. It was an experience i will never forget.

No... I didn't know T's orientation when I went to see her (dad found her and made my first appointment) and she turned out to be straight and married - which is fine. It is/was a non-issue. I didn't even know my own orientation when I started therapy with her. I now realise I'm gay, and while I'm happy with my T and she's been totally understanding and supportive regarding that, if I were ever to look for a new T it might be something I'd consider.. maybe a gay T would better know the issues I might face and how to deal with them... I think I'd always see a female T at least - gender seems like another barrier to me, I don't tend to connect well with men.

Quote "I don't tend to connect well with men. " Justsomegirl
__________________

Me either but I always seem to be attracted to my female T's so maybe I should try a male but I just couldn't relate to them in the same way.
I am wondering are lesbian therapists better able to cope with the issuesw we bring. Like for example, I am struggling with being alone, no famile and no partner and never having as family and it just kills me but I think that straight T's just dont get it.

[minneymouse]

No, I've never sought a T out for their sexual orientation or specialism in sexuality, but I certainly would have considered it. This time around, I needed a very specific type of therapy which was only offered by two or three Ts. The deal was sealed when I realised that my T had chosen lesbian and gay parenting as her thesis topic- it felt like a very lucky coincidence. She herself is straight, which I knew before I met her as she states this in her thesis-related publication. She is very supportive and tries hard to understand what it's like to be gay, but at the same time she is the first to acknowledge that she can't *really* know or understand. I think she had some experiences of rejection as a straight researcher studying lesbian parenting, as some potential participants told her that it was like a white person trying to write black history.

Originally Posted by minneymouse

No, I've never sought a T out for their sexual orientation or specialism in sexuality, but I certainly would have considered it. This time around, I needed a very specific type of therapy which was only offered by two or three Ts. The deal was sealed when I realised that my T had chosen lesbian and gay parenting as her thesis topic- it felt like a very lucky coincidence. She herself is straight, which I knew before I met her as she states this in her thesis-related publication. She is very supportive and tries hard to understand what it's like to be gay, but at the same time she is the first to acknowledge that she can't *really* know or understand. I think she had some experiences of rejection as a straight researcher studying lesbian parenting, as some potential participants told her that it was like a white person trying to write black history.

YOur T sounds amazing. I hate this part of the whole Gay community the way they are so rejecting of straight people. Your T was trying to help them and told she would understand, I hate that. But in a way she is right she will never really know. No one knows anything till they experience something. WE can all try and understand and sympathise but being gay sucksssssss.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by button30

YOur T sounds amazing. I hate this part of the whole Gay community the way they are so rejecting of straight people. Your T was trying to help them and told she would understand, I hate that. But in a way she is right she will never really know. No one knows anything till they experience something. WE can all try and understand and sympathise but being gay sucksssssss.

I have never found the whole gay community to be anything. Certainly not that uniform in agreement on any topic. Some straight people would not be accepting of a gay therapist - but that does not make the whole straight community not accepting of gays. I think you paint with way too broad of a brush.
It sounds sad you think being gay sucks. I don't. I am pretty happy with it.

I have always seen women therapists and have had three straight therapists and one gay therapist. I left the gay one after about 4 months because she was not at all a good match for me. I have never been attracted to any of them.

[velcro003]

i didn't know my T was a lesbian but her profile on her website said many of her clients were gay. i found out eventually partially because she made an offhand comment once about how living with girls/hanging out almost excusivesly with girls during college was something that she did as well. I found out more concrete when she signed her daughter up for a sport where i work and it had her and her partner. she never has said anything. but i barely have brought up issues with sexuality with her. too scary.

PI am sorry, I realise I was very judgemental me the gay community and you can't paint everyone with the same brush! What was wrong with your gay t?
Being gay does suck for me because I live in a very small community in a very small country and I don't know any other gay women and have been on my own for a long time and feel like no one understands what I went through with my ex and all I hear about is I!w happy everyone else is with their husbands and wives and families:-(

[stopdog]

The problems I had with the lesbian therapist had nothing to do with her orientation.

It can be hard to be around all straight people because of the sense of outsiderness. But I don't think of it as so much as an intrinsic problem with being gay or not but different or other which can occur in many different situations.

I had a gay male therapist my first time in therapy (I'm female), and that was great for me. I would actually prefer a gay male therapist. I used to have pretty extreme issues with other women getting close to me. I am much better now, but still, the thought of a female therapist panics me. If I'm being honest, a lesbian therapist would send me screaming for the door. I have friends who are lesbian and it's never an issue, so . . . dunno where that absolute panic about a lesbian therapist comes from.

Really. I wonder what is up with that? I have spent the night in the same motel room with lesbian friends. We ride and camp together. I don't *think* I am homophobic. ?? But the thought of a lesbian therapist for me makes me shake and want to puke.

[stopdog]

MKAC - that is a very strong reaction. It could be interesting to figure out where it comes from. Is it the same reaction you have to a woman therapist in general or is it stronger?

[KazzaX]

This is one of those questions that never enters my mind until I read a post here, loool. I dont think I have any idea what orientation my Ts are. Some mention family and a husband but some dont mention anything at all. I think if I were a lesbian I would probably want a lesbian (or gay) T just purely because then I would know that he/she knew where I was coming from in my daily life.

Originally Posted by stopdog

MKAC - that is a very strong reaction. It could be interesting to figure out where it comes from. Is it the same reaction you have to a woman therapist in general or is it stronger?

I'm not sure. It might be incrementally bigger. I don't want to hijack, so I may pm you later, if you don't mind?

Gay or straight has nothing to do with it. I have a male therapist and trying to explain to him what it feels like having sex with a man or a woman, is nothing he will ever experience... Not like I have ...so in the end does it really matter? What matters is the therapist accepts you for who you are. There are many people out there who have tried both. In the scope of things your experiences are our own no matter who you see, all you can do is explain and hope they understand.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I'm not sure. It might be incrementally bigger. I don't want to hijack, so I may pm you later, if you don't mind?

I do not mind.


I think the gay or straight thing is like every other choice of therapist . Orientation can be important to some and not to others like gender, etc.

I am interested in if the gay therapists understand it better because it was hard for me to explain to a straight t! I mean when I was explaining how close me and ex were my ex t just kept saying how unhealthy it was! She just didn't get how close women are! She basically said my whole relationship was unhealthy and in a. Way it was but she didn't understand the whole dynamics of a lesbian. Relationship!

But new t has lots of lesbian friends, she is straight and married and understands better! I told her about the phrase lesbian bed death and she wrote it down and googled it later! She always said she loves the L word haha! I have a very negative view me gay women and she assured me that it's just the women I am attracting lately because not all gay women are sociopaths just the ones I attract !

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by button30

I am interested in if the gay therapists understand it better because it was hard for me to explain to a straight t... she didn't understand the whole dynamics of a lesbian Relationship!

Yes, in my experience as a lesbian client, having a gay (actually, she's bi) therapist has made a SIGNIFICANT difference. With my previous straight therapist, she didn't understand my experience AT ALL. She routinely said very ignorant things (like "Now that you're gay, be careful about AIDS!"-- when, obviously, lesbians are at the LOWEST risk for HIV; she asked me if I was "sure" I was a lesbian because I'm so feminine and pretty; then, she pressured me to come out before I was ready because she didn't understand the ramifications of coming out). Another problem was that she didn't understand any of the terminology or culture. For instance, she didn't understand that, as a femme, I could be attracted to other femmes and she didn't understand terms like "lipstick lesbian," stone butch," "baby dyke," "gold star," "U-hauling," "pillow princess," etc . I want to walk in, say I'm a gold star lipstick lesbian, and have my T know what I'm talking about. I also want my T to get it when I say "I'm so sick of my straight girlfriends suddenly asking if they can 'experiment' with me" and "I'm so sick of being told I'm 'too pretty' to be gay" and "I'm so sick of guys thinking they can change me!" and "I'm so sick of feeling like the world isn't made for me; I'm so sick of feeling profoundly different." If I have to use my precious therapy time explaining the most basic things to my T, then I'm not really getting my therapy. Moreover, how can I relate to someone who doesn't understand me at all? How can she give me useful advice when she doesn't understand my situation? It makes such a HUGE difference when my T can say back to me: "I know! That drives me crazy too!" Instead of making me feel profoundly difference once again-- because I have to explain lesbian life to my T-- it makes me feel connected and not alone. It makes me feel like, finally, someone understands; she's like me and she's on my side. It also makes a huge difference when I want to talk about sex. If you haven't had lesbian sex, it's a little hard to talk about it. It's awesome when I can say "I'm not into X, but it seems like so many women are" and T can say "I know what you mean! I'm not into X either." It makes me feel like I can talk to her about everything. I have absolutely nothing against the straight community; most of my friends and family members are straight. And, quite frankly, as a very feminine woman, I often tend to fit in better in the straight community. However, when it comes to a T, so much of my life revolves around my lesbian identity that I really feel I need a bi/lesbian T. That commonality of experience makes a HUGE difference.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by button30

I have a very negative view me gay women and she assured me that it's just the women I am attracting lately because not all gay women are sociopaths just the ones I attract !

It's really disappointing to hear that you have such a negative view of gay women. There are so many amazing gay women out there (myself included ). I think this may be a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy-- if you feel negatively towards gay women and you think that being gay sucks, then that means you are harboring self-hatred-- and if you put that negative energy out there, you're only going to attract negative energy in return (hence, attracting sociopaths!) In order for you to attract a higher caliber of woman, you have to FIRST work on your own negative feelings towards gay women (including yourself). Until you can overcome your negative feelings about being gay, you're not ready to be in a partnership. To even try to date a woman before you've dealt with this (in my opinion) would be setting yourself (and her) up for a bad outcome. In fact, this is the reason my last relationship ended. She was where you are-- she had negative feelings about gay women and about herself and was not ready to examine and overcome them-- I kept thinking that I could help her do that and then we'd have a wonderful relationship-- but she wasn't ready for that. That's something she had to do, on her own, at her pace. It was pretty heartbreaking for me, but I had to learn that when someone harbors that kind of negativity (and self-negativity) they just aren't ready to be in a healthy, positive, and productive relationship. When you have that kind of negativity inside, the only thing it can do is poision your relationship. I realize it's hard, though. It's something all of us lesbian women have had to deal with and overcome. But, once you do, you'll start to understand what's wonderful about being a gay woman and being part of that community. Because, even though it may be difficult in our current soceity to be a lesbian woman, I wouldn't change it for anything. I love who I am and I love everything about being in a relationship with a woman.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

If I have to use my precious therapy time explaining the most basic things to my T, then I'm not really getting my therapy.

I'm not so sure about this. Therapy encourages us to re-examine our feelings and beliefs. Explaining the basics might be a good exercise.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I'm not so sure about this. Therapy encourages us to re-examine our feelings and beliefs. Explaining the basics might be a good exercise.

I have to explain the basics over and over again as a part of my daily life. Each time I make a new acquaintance, or co-worker, or nosy stranger, I have to explain the basics yet again. I've explained the basics so many times I never, ever want to have to do it again. Having to do it in therapy is just plain annoying. There's nothing to be learned or gained. When this would happen, we would go from having a unique, personal conversation--- to stopping that conversation dead in its tracks so I could switch over to robot explaination mode. To use a comparison, it's like someone who is black having to explain black experience to someone who is white. After having to do it so many times, there is nothing that can be gained from having to explain it, yet again, to a white therapist. That doesn't mean everyone who is black desires a black therapist; but some do. Some find it important to have a T who can understand the black experience so there is one less barrier to overcome. That's how I feel. I have to constantly explain the basics of lesbian experience to my family, my friends, my co-workers, and nosy strangers-- just give me a T who I don't have to explain this to! Let me have a T who can understand!

Originally Posted by KazzaX

This is one of those questions that never enters my mind until I read a post here, loool. I dont think I have any idea what orientation my Ts are. Some mention family and a husband but some dont mention anything at all. I think if I were a lesbian I would probably want a lesbian (or gay) T just purely because then I would know that he/she knew where I was coming from in my daily life.

Exactly, thats how I feel!

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

Gay or straight has nothing to do with it. I have a male therapist and trying to explain to him what it feels like having sex with a man or a woman, is nothing he will ever experience... Not like I have ...so in the end does it really matter? What matters is the therapist accepts you for who you are. There are many people out there who have tried both. In the scope of things your experiences are our own no matter who you see, all you can do is explain and hope they understand.

I do agree with you Lola, and really it doesn't matter what the Ts experiences are as long as they listen, hear you and respect and accept you. Then they can feel what you feel, gay or straight.