Hugging your t

I have a unique situation where I do not feel safe having any physical contact with anyone (shaking hands, hugging, even an arm slung over the shoulder). Except tonight I rly started to want to hug my t. I haven't talked about any of the physical contact thing with her, so I don't know how to bring it up. I don't even know if ts are allowed to hug patients. But she did it once back when I was severely depressed so I think it's ok. Anyway, how do I bring it up? I don't wanna be all like "hug me". That's awkward... Any suggestions?

Can you tell her what you wrote here? That tonight you were wishing she would because you were having a hard time ... maybe in tge context of past tense it would feel less awkward to raise

I agree that showing or telling her what you wrote above could be a place to start. Hugging sort of depends on the therapist it seems - there is no universal therapist standard. Some are adamently opposed to it, some are all huggy and some base on each client.

I asked my t if it would be okay if I hugged her. She said yes. So I did.

i want to hug my t too but don't know how to ask.

I know it's hard, but I think you will have to ask directly if you can have a hug. I never thought I'd be able to ask my T because I feared rejection so badly, but I really wanted a hug! It took me months, but I eventually tried to bring it up, drop hints... drop even bigger hints... we even had a whole conversation about where and when hugs might be approriate... she didn't take the bait. In the end I had to ask (even so, I didn't actually manage to vocalise - I wrote it down ) but now at the end of sessions my T asks if I'd like a hug before I leave. Of course I do!

I think it really does depend on the therapist - some mind and some don't. If they do happen to say no, try not to take it as a personal slight.

I would just ask her not to hug you again. I am still all the way across the room from T and asked to stand if she wants to show me something on the computer.

I think that would be a break through for you.

I just asked, "May I hug you?" after a particular session in which I started to feel bonded to her. I actually surprised myself by asking; it was spontaneous. She said, "sure," we did, and an end-of session tradition was born. Most of the time, she initiates the hug.

I asked her later how she handles client hugs. She said she doesn't initiate the first hug, the client has to ask. She will not hug a male without a significant other present.

Mis...I would tell your T exactly what you told us. TC...all you have to do is ask like I did (I know...easier said than done). As JSG said, if T says no, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own boundaries.

At my first appointment I asked her if she gives hugs and she said, "Absolutely!". I wasn't afraid to ask, because I love hugs and she just seemed like the kind of person who would be willing to give hugs.

I've been with her a little over two years and there hasn't been a day she hadn't hugged me before and after my sessions. I'm usually her first client after her lunch break, so I wait a few minutes in the waiting room for her. She opens the waiting room door and says something like, "Hey honey. You ready?" with her arms open wide for a hug. She gives cuddly, lingering hugs, none of this cold, dead-fish-arms hugging.

Her hug at the end of my session is fantastic, because she holds onto me really tightly and says things like, "I'm so proud of you; You're doing such a great job; You blow me away." You know how when you hold a child and you rub their back to soothe them? My therapist does that during the end-of-session hug. I naturally pull away like you would when a hug is over, but she is still holding on. She's just so loving. I love her hugs and she never forgets to give me one or two or three.

So, yes I think you should definitely just come out and ask, because she may be all for it. I think we worry about rejection and abandonment when we ask someone to be in an intimate space with us, i.e. sharing/talking about difficult things, being physically close (hugs, hand shaking). I hope you'll get the courage to ask, because it would be so great for you , since you are expressing the desire to be hugged even though you struggle with the idea of being touched. I think your therapist may see that as progress and would probably want to encourage that in you and would probably be over the moon to give you a great big hug.

My therapist always initiates, and she does so by asking. As she hugs me, she often praises my hugging technique.

We don't hug every session, though. Maybe only 10% of the time do we end our sessions with a hug. I used to get my meds from a nurse practitioner, and she would close out with a hug EVERY time. For some reason, even though I liked her, I didn't like this. I guess they feel more special to me when they aren't so frequent.

I have asked and was denied . But I still think it's best to be direct. I know there's a hug in my future , the answer wasn't no forever, just not right right now. I can live with that and the rejection didn't kill me. I felt really hugged by my T this evening .

I'm afraid she will say no, so I'd rather not know the answer than have it be no.

T1 gave me a hug once and it was lovely, but I get the feeling she didn't like it as much as me cos I held her really tight and didn't want to let her go! She never have me another one lol, not even on our closing session!:-(

Thanks, that is really encouraging. I will bring it up with her the next time I get a chance

My ex psychologist only hugged me the last 2 times I saw her.
I didnt ask her before that, but I don't think she would have, but it was cool when she did, I got a few and she gave nice hugs

I felt the same way you did about hugging. Finally I came out and asked. He said no...it spiraled out into a two week blow up. (we survived...we have a strong relationship anyway)

All I have to say is prepared for the chance that they will say no. The first time he told me it wasn't in his ethical boundaries....basically he doesn't do touch. It wasnt until I went after him in an email a week later that he broke it down to me. I figured he was choosing just to not hug me cause I was a bad person of something. He said ....lost I have never hugged a client and never will its NOT in my boundaries. That pretty much shut me up.

I definitly say go for it. Just don't do it without beIng prepared for a possible no.

I would just ask. I didn't have to with my T. First session she said "Can I hug you?" I said yes and now she initiates one at the end of the every session. She had a cold one time, and told me at the very beginning of session. "I have a cold so I'm not going to hug you". I thought that was fine. Then one time I had a cold and I said "I'm not going to hug you because I have a cold I'm all germy" And she was fine.

Touch can be very healing and comforting... You should definitely ask your T but also explain that you are not comfortable with touch and you want to be the one to initiate it/ask for it.

If T says no then nothing is lost - my T had said no and I told him I felt he was rejecting me because he thought I was dirty, we ediscussed it for days and my T decided it would be ok and we started touching even though he had initially said no.

Don't be afraid to ask, whatever the answer it will be OK, you will be able to work through any feelings and reactions with your T.

Good luck!

The first therapist I saw about 25 years or so ago, was a hugger and I found it odd and often refused. I did not find it useful. I have not been touched by a therapist since then. I do not find random touch by strangers useful, but if one does, I think just talking to the therapist about it might be useful. If touch is a big thing for one, then it might be prudent to add it to the criteria when interviewing therapists to begin with.

I know EXACTLY how that feels, my first T said no and I was floored. How about next time you wanna throw army at her, you stop yourself and say ..." can I hug you instead?" I'm thinking she will say yes.