Who makes eye contact in therapy?

T and I always make eye contact. We talk, laugh, smile, and look at each other-- just like I do when I'm having a conversation with a friend. Like others have said, making eye contact and seeing each others' facial expressions increases the connection and intimacy. She's so warm and comforting; if I looked away from her I feel like I'd miss out on some of that. I'd also miss out on the subtleties behind what she's saying, becuase we communicate a lot through our body language. Finally, I have a bit of a sassy sense of humor and I like watching T laugh in response to my jokes. We tend to end up all red-cheeked and hunched-over. (If you read the thread last week about "questions you'd like to ask your therapist"-- well, I asked T the "risque" questions on my list-- lets just say that convo went in some pretty ridiculous directions).

Hi Can'tExplain! Thank you for saying hi to me

Hey, Silver! Welcome. Glad you posted.

I have had much the same experience with being okay with eye contact mostly, and then having my therapist have to actually work at getting me to make eye contact in the hard parts. It's always nice when I finally DO make eye contact, but trying to do it just on my own without his encouragement is just too much sometimes.

As long as we don't talk about trauma stuff I always look up at him on our walks to make eye contact. It makes me feel like a little kid, and really connected.

i try not to

eye contact use to never be an issue for me. then something happened??? and now never,

it is like he has to listen to all the bad stuff coming from me, he shouldn't have to look at me as well.

I make eye contact with everyone....including my T. I do it because I am always looking for any type of expression or body language to indicate the other person is angry, disappointed, or being judgmental. Any time I see anything like that I immediately shut down and refused to talk to them anymore.

Hi Junk! You sound depressed.

I'm reading a psych book, and it said that Freud was uncomfortable with eye contact I dunno, this just strikes me as funny. I guess that explains why he used a couch instead of chairs.

lmao
that is what "free association" is all about

Hmm. Eye contact? Depends on how I'm doing. If I'm stable, no problem. I can maintain eye contact all day. If I'm depressed though, it's nearly impossible. I think I'm just so turned inward when I'm depressed that making contact with T in any way, including eye contact, is like a physical impossibility.

hey there..no i am not "depressed", i am basically numb and internaly volatile

it took me three minutes to type that word out.

I find it hard to meet his eyes when I'm talking about something shameful or hard to say. I have a habit of looking away, then peeking at him right when I finish to check what his reaction is, but I can't look at him steadily when talking.

I do maintain eye contact when he is talking, though. To me, just looking at him without either of us talking would be a bit odd, but I find it comforting to see his eyes while he talks to me.

At first it was difficult for me to look T in the eye, i could spend an entire session looking everywhere around and never to her.

Now things have changed and when i'm in a good mood i'm able to maintain eye contact, sometimes even when i'm the one talking. I really like her eyes, they are very expressive and tender. When our eyes meet i feel an emotional connection but that scares me.

I still cannot look into her eyes in those moments of silence after an important discussion. I already tried a quick glance but that expression made me feel like i was burning inside, so now i just wait, looking down trying not to be there, until she talks again. It's unconfortable because i know she is looking at me waiting and that freaks me out.

The odd thing for me is that when talking about difficult things, either I hide by not looking or covering my face, OR, I am scouring T's face to gauge his genuine reaction to what I'm saying. Usually, I do the latter when I'm freaking out about something, need an answer about something and am worried about it...etc.

It depends. Usually I do. But sometimes, when I'm desperate, feeling lousy, sad or angry at him I just give up and stare stupidly at the floor.

It feels like this lyric from a James' song: "Sometimes, when I look deep in your eyes I swear I can see your soul"...
I feel exposed, vulnerable. As if I'm standing naked in front of him... When I can't stand the tension I look away a little and then back at him.

I remember once, I just let myself be free and stared at him with loving eyes. It's weird, but I felt he did the same. He was so different that time, it was such an intimate and precious moment for me. It felt warm inside.

Wow, I'm re-reading this to check for typos and realize now that I'm head over heels for this guy. If only he wasn't my t...

I am really bad at even looking at T. I'll look at her shoes. And quickly gloss over the rest of her every now and then. I realized that the other day when I tried to remember what my T looks like. Oh well. Its not so strange. Im still very nervous about therapy in general and thinking about T. I trust her and I am glad I go there, but the whole thing makes me nervous.

When I zone out she tells me to make contact, which means also looking in her direction to affirm I'm 'there', it's really pfffff.

On the other hand, I don't think lot's of eye contact is normal for conversation, it's normal to not make so much eye contact when you are speaking but to do look at the other person when they are speaking. If you observe just regular conversation with friends you will notice they don't really look you in the eye the entire time when they talk to you either. T's maybe do it more because of the nature of the conversation and the sole focus on 'us'.

Eye contact was one of the things I learned in therapy.

I rarely look at her although I am getting better. She uses it as a grounding thing when I lose the plot she gets me to look at her. I find it very hard but it tends to work. She also was a little disappointed when I couldn't read her face at all. Like someone else said I have no problems with this in my professional life and have good connection and eye contact but in my own therapy things are a little different.

I usually don't with my psychiatrist. She doesn't mind so I don't feel pressured to look at her. My social skills therapist stresses eye contact, so I try to look at her when I talk.

I do. At the end of the session when i give her $-and the its very brief. Time has not changed this at all.

I used to make very little eye contact. The past year I find myself making a LOT more of it, to the point that I search intensely for something in his eyes. I've got no idea what it is I think I'll find. I just find T to be like a very interesting research animal that must be explained. Somehow the eye contact seems important to whatever it is I'm trying to discover. I wonder that he hasn't commented on it though.

I try to make myself have eye contact with health T for 1/3 of the session. I just get a better sense that he may actually like me. Also, I come away feeling better, having a sense of a "real" interaction.

Aghh I hate eye contact in therapy, it scares me. I try to make as much eye contact as I can with T because I feel like if I don't I am being rude. I don't want her to think I am not paying attention or not interested in what she is saying because I AM... but for some reason when our eyes meet I get nervous.

I do this thing where I try to see how long I can maintain eye contact with her and see who will look away first... unfortunately it is almost always me who breaks it. T rarely looks away. We both have habits in sessions, I usually bring my silly putty or something to have in my hands and she usually takes off one of her bracelets and plays with it. That is usually the only time she will look away from me for an extended time.

I know this sounds crazy... but I think if we are making eye contact for too long she will "see into me" and know what is going on in my head and what I am thinking. Wow... maybe I should bring this up with her...

No eye contact. I will look everywhere but at her. I'll look at the cracks on the walls or anything just to not look at her