Article on Ruptures

The part I bolded - this happens all the time in my therapy. This is a real problem for me and one me & T are actively working on. And, doh, it happens to me in RL too and wreaks all kinds of havoc in my r/s. T, on the other hand, always clarifies things I say to make sure he's hearing what I intended to say, so any misunderstandings get cleared up right as they're happening.

seriously? You really need to get your facts straight.

Tooski...I will pm you, as it isn't appropriate for this thread.

sorry wik.

Eh. T's are taught to ALWAYS "own" responsibility for a rupture even if they have no freaking idea what the hell is going on or why it happened. The goal is to make the client feel understood and heard, regardless if the dissonance is a direct result of their cognitive distortions.

The rupture is how you react to what happened, not what the therapist did. If you reacted to your T's lie by terminating therapy, then yes, a rupture did occur. It could also be a rupture that got repaired if the two of you worked on this, resolved your differences, etc.--i.e. it doesn't have to result in termination in order to be a rupture according to my understanding. My T told me once that if 1/3 of ruptures get repaired, 1/3 are left to stand (not dealt with), and 1/3 are talked out but no resolution (we agree to disagree), then that is good enough for the therapy relationship to continue and be strong. I think he got this from Winnicott and the "good enough" mother. In any relationship with a person, not all ruptures get repaired, and that's OK. But some ruptures will be more important to an individual client and could push him/her to end the relationship (e.g. if my T was lying to me consistently and couldn't give a good explanation, that might lead to an irreparable rupture for me).

thanks sunrise, that answers it.

The ones I have seen have not done this.

Interesting article, thanks! I don't think it is the therapist's fault that ruptures occur, I think it is inevitable, and can be for many different reasons. If there are no ruptures in therapy, and it is smooth sailing all the way, one school of thought is that not a lot is being accomplished. Some believe that the rupture/repair part of psychotherapy is essential and what helps patients grow and improve.
I totally agreed with the statement that the therapist, in order for there to be growth and resolution, must admit his part in the rupture, as must the patient. That is what builds trust, that we can go through ruptures and not have our therapist leave. When our therapists do leave, however, the trust that is built is all but destroyed.

I don't agree that ruptures are inevitable or essential parts of therapy.

Some people in therapy have problems with relationships and those problems play out in therapy. Hence, we get ruptures.

But not everyone in therapy has problems with relationships. Just like not everyone in therapy has been abused or traumatized or any other "one" thing.

Let's also not forget that some people--for good or bad--are simply insensitive to the faults of their therapists. Personally, my therapist has said some stuff to me that I am pretty sure she shouldn't have said. But I can never muster enough reactive anger. I'm happy enough that she even remembers my name and appointment time. Everything else that she does for me feels like gravy, in that light. Maybe this means I'm a major doormat, but at least I'm a doormat with a therapist she gets along with.

Whether it's because of my passive personality or my therapist being awesome, we don't have ruptures and we have a great relationship. I don't agree that my experience hasn't been "authentic" just because I've never had moments when I hate my therapist.

Sorry if my post comes across as snarky. But it's almost like people are wearing their rupturous histories as a badge of honor. They aren't anything to be ashamed of, but they don't impress me much either.

Autotelica, I don't have ruptures with my therapists either. Not sure why. I don't think are are inevitable either. And I've made huge strides in my own therapy without having to deal with ruptures as a means to grow, so while I'm sure you can learn from them, I'm also sure there are many other ways to make progress than to have to go through that kind of grief.

I'm pretty laid back about things which probably comes from spending 24 hours a day with teenagers (you learn to ignore little things and pick your battles wisely). I've never really felt insecure about my therapy relationships in any way; they are what they are to me I guess. I'm not one to feel easily slighted or abandoned. I trust pretty easily. I don't really have transference issues with my therapists. Seems like it is that sort of thing maybe that sets the stage for ruptures? Just guessing.

I have not seen any one wear a rupture like a badge of honor nor have I interpreted anyone here as trying to impress anyone else with therapeutic conflict. I don't mind conflict and don't mind fighting with the woman, but I don't consider it a badge of anything. I don't see that my therapy situation is wrong just because I do not think she is awesome or super special or wonderful or anything more than reasonably not inadequate. I don't really think about what kind of relationship I have with the woman. I did not go to see a therapist because of relationship problems.
Some people may not be good with resolving conflict and if people are able to stick with a conflict and resolve it in therapy, then I would think they have every right to be proud of engaging in new and difficult and different ways of relating to another.

Auto,
I apologize, I truly didn't mean to invalidate your experience. I sometimes forget that I'm not the only one on the planet. I was referring to some reading I did from a book about people who dissociate, so you are correct, not everyone dissociates. I have no construct of what a relationship is like that has no ruptures, hence my post. I am positive that your experience is authentic Please forgive my narcissistic endeavor. Thanks for enlightening me
I don't wear my rupturous history as a badge of honor, nor have I made it to the rupturous hall of shame. I like the way you express yourself.

[quote=farmergirl;2564474]Autotelica, I don't have ruptures with my therapists either. Not sure why. I don't think are are inevitable either. And I've made huge strides in my own therapy without having to deal with ruptures as a means to grow, so while I'm sure you can learn from them, I'm also sure there are many other ways to make progress than to have to go through that kind of grief.

I'm pretty laid back about things which probably comes from spending 24 hours a day with teenagers (you learn to ignore little things and pick your battles wisely). I've never really felt insecure about my therapy relationships in any way; they are what they are to me I guess. I'm not one to feel easily slighted or abandoned. I trust pretty easily. I don't really have transference issues with my therapists. Seems like it is that sort of thing maybe that sets the stage for ruptures?

Wait a minute, Famergirl, you too? No ruptures? My therapy wasn't always turbulent, but it was at times, quite a few times. I don't know what to think. Now I have to rethink everything. There are other ways to make progress other than going through grief and agony? I'm perplexed

No problem, Anti. And I wasn't saying that you are wearing your ruptures as a badge of honor. It's just that it seems like most of the threads here focus so much on ruptures and who's at fault and the craziness it leads to. If I didn't know better, I'd think that therapy is causing more harm than good for a lot of people here. If ruptures were always on the horizon with my therapist, it simply wouldn't be worth it to me to continue.

Just like you can't imagine a non-rupturous therapeutic relationship, I can't imagine one full of ruptures. Perhaps I have been TOO lucky in this department? Maybe if I could I face a rupture and overcome it, I would learn something about myself. I have been challenged by my therapist, but not in our relationship with each other. So in that sense, I could see a rupture playing a valuable role in therapy. But not if it happens on a regular basis.

Thanks for the great comments about my article on my psychotherapy blog. I'm glad to see that it stimulated such thoughtful responses. Feel free to also comment on my blog:

All the Best,
Josephine Ferraro, LCSW

But what if the therapist is not willing to admit to a mistake, and indeed, keeps on making it?

Um... This is a refreshing and original point of view.

FWIW, I just finished reading a really interesting book, although I don't read many books about therapy. It's called "Seduction, Surrender and Transformation: Emotional Engagement in the Analytic Process" by Karen Maroda. It posits that therapists should engage emotionally more in therapy than has been traditionally thought. Conventional wisdom has been that patients could be harmed by T's reacting with emotion to the patients' actions and that T's should present a stoic front and repress any emotions that the patients bring out in them. But this book argues that patients will grow more from an emotionally honest interaction with the T, and presents the arguments to back that up. I tend to agree, although it's a little scary. But I just wanted to mention this, CE, in case you wanted to check it out.

I thought so too, but that is emphatically not what my T does.

I don't like this at all. It shoves the blame straight back onto the patient.

Doesn't the therapist have any responsibility for what happens?

Thanks.

I don't mind her getting angry. In fact, I was much more upset when she didn't get angry.

But she also needs to know when to stop fighting, especially since I don't know that.