yesterday, I went to my counselor at my day program. She was doing a suicide risk assesment on me. I told her that I have been in the hospital 2 times this year due to being suicidal and having plans. She asked why I have felt this way. I told her my reasons. Then I told her that the only reason I am living now is for my mom. I told her that I can't live without my mom. Then my counselor asked me what would happen if something happened to my mom. I said that when my mom goes out, I am going out too. Then my counselor said "I think we need to call the hospital and have you re-evaluated." She wanted me to have my suicide risk re-evaluated at the hospital. My counselor ALMOST HOSPITALIZED me. I told her that I am not going to be admitted into the hospital again, and she said that she can if she feels the need to. I wasn't even suicidal yesterday! I was a few days ago though. She has NO right admitting me to the hospital when I don't even feel suicidal. Then my counselor asked me if I would call anyone for help if something happened to my mom. I said no, and then my counselor said that she needed to call the hospital. Then I said, ok, fine I will call someone if something were to ever happen to my mom. I really wouldn't call anyone though. I just had to say I would for the sake of not being hospitalized again. I have had this plan to end my life when my moms ends since I was about 16 years old. I am 22 now. This plan isn't going anywhere. The hospital couldn't even fix it anyways. She had no right doing what she did.

I am so scared. I have so much anxiety now. I can't talk to my parents about suicidal thoughts. I can't talk to my counselor about suicidal thoughts. I feel like I am being cornered. Trapped. I don't know who to trust anymore. I am going to keep all suicidal thoughts to me, my journal, and on here from now on. My therapist said she would call my parents. Now I have to check the answering machine constantly, along with the mail.

[Miswimmy1]

A counselor can break confidentiality if a patient says they are going to comit suicide and the counselor believes they could if they wanted to... So yea even while your not feeling suicidal now, at any time, u do hav a plan in place. And that is why your therapist thinks u are unstable

[critterlady]

Your therapist is genuinely looking out for your best interests. It may not feel that way, but that is what she's doing.

I wish she would think that I am stable. I swear I am...I feel like I am better off keeping my thoguhts from her. At least I can trust the online forums.

[mixedup_emotions]

I understand.

Although I don't typically have sui thoughts, I do have thoughts that I feel I can't share with my T as I have felt rejected by him during the times that I have shared some of those deep, awful thoughts. It sux to feel the need to hold back with the people that you believed to be able to say almost anything to....

[KazzaX]

Don't worry. If you aren't suicidal AND with plans, you won't get past triage in the hospital. It doesn't matter if your T arranges for you to go to the ER, and it wouldn't matter if it was the Queen of England was taking you to the ER! The doctors and nurses run that place and the bottom line is that in 99% of hospitals, they dont have beds free in the psych ward. The psych ward is the busiest place in that whole hospital. And when they have someone come into the ER who obviously doesn't want to be there and is not at risk (suicidal), they wont even look twice at you. They always do the best to turn away people who dont 100% need the hospital. Cuz they have about 99999 other psych patients (and drug related psychosis patients) waiting to go in and use that one bed that became free. Hell, they turn away a lot of the people that ARE suicidal, purely because there are just no beds free to take them.

So in summary, don't worry You will get as far as the emergency room waiting room and that's it. Although if you have private health insurance and your T takes you to a private hospital then this reply I wrote probably won't be accurate... they have many beds in those private hospitals!! And no queues.

Thanks, I feel better already. I have been in the psych ward 2 times this year. I stayed a week each time. I definitely don't want a 3rd time. I am glad to know that I can't be forced in for this current problem That knowledge relieves me a lot. My tdoc over-reacted.

@mixedup emitions, I'm sorry to hear that. Some pdocs are hard to deal with, like mine. I hope you have a better one now or find a better one sometime.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by CynicalReality

Thanks, I feel better already. I have been in the psych ward 2 times this year. I stayed a week each time. I definitely don't want a 3rd time. I am glad to know that I can't be forced in for this current problem That knowledge relieves me a lot. My tdoc over-reacted.

@mixedup emitions, I'm sorry to hear that. Some pdocs are hard to deal with, like mine. I hope you have a better one now or find a better one sometime.

Glad you're feeling better!

I'm quite attached to my T, and he is a very good T. We've been trying to navigate through a recent rupture, but we're still not through yet. I'm struggling with being able to talk and express what I'm feeling, but I realize that the sooner I'm able to open up about these feelings and concerns, the sooner we can resolve them.

He knows that I felt rejected...now it's a matter of being willing to expand on it - instead of shutting down.