[CantExplain]

Hi guys!

When I get in a bind with T, I want to have an extra session to straighten it out as soon as possible. My T encourages this.

But W reminds me that, historically, extra sessions have never settled anything. I went in angry, came out angry, and had the added anger that I'd spent extra money and got nothing in return.

So what's your experience?

That it can take more than a session to work through difficult emotions.

[Wren_]

They usually calm things a bit for me ... but that might be more that I end up accepting I'm wrong than that things are truly sorted. Then the anger about the extra money kicks in ... still I usually do it anyway. If I didn't I think I'd get in a much worse state so it always feels necessary and urgent

[junkDNA]

i walk out of a LOT of sessions with my T. he usually sends someone to check on me. its not really a manipulation for him to show affection, i truly just need to leave sometimes. i express that i am leaveing before i do. when people come later, to ask if i am okay, i say yes i am.

we have extra sessions if things come up, like rpressed memories or feelings of unsafety.

i have a different kind of relationship with my T because i live on a residential treatment organic farm. its 93 acres. i see him daily, but we have therapy 2x a week

Feeling unsafe. Feeling unstable. Feeling detached. Feeling empty. Feeling Unsafe.

i have a different kind of relationship with my T because i live on a residential treatment organic farm. its 93 acres. i see him daily, but we have therapy 2x a week[/QUOTE]

The last place I stayed was a lot like that. Would you be in Calistoga?

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by blueophelia2

i have a different kind of relationship with my T because i live on a residential treatment organic farm. its 93 acres. i see him daily, but we have therapy 2x a week

The last place I stayed was a lot like that. Would you be in Calistoga?[/quote]


no, across the nation, actually!

have u ever heard of a farm, it's rather old, same recovery module tho, called GOULD FARM? In massachusetts?

i live on a farm very similar to that. i will PM you the link to the website.

Originally Posted by earthmamma

That it can take more than a session to work through difficult emotions.

I am with the above! It's takes a while to work out your anger, time and lots of money which creates more anger lol!

[CantExplain]

My wife just told me she dreads my extra sessions because I always get my hopes up and always come back disappointed.

[KazzaX]

My T doesn't do extra sessions but I can certainly relate to the need of going in there and settling some drama, then coming out all disappointed and very angry.

[Wren_]

Does your remembering of your experience match your wife's?

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

Does your remembering of your experience match your wife's?

Not always. She says I keep forgetting how bad things have been. I think she's right. I am optimistic about the past.

[critterlady]

I've only had extra sessions a couple of times, but the ones I've had have helped tremendously. I haven't gone in angry, though. Apparently, I don't do anger with T, much to his chagrin.

The ones I've had have been because of really anxiety-producing thoughts. And he's always been able to ground me and work through the anxiety. I leave far less anxious than when I arrived.

[karebear1]

On the rare occassion I ask for an extra session, it usually just exhausts me. But after a day or so, I usually come out better than before I went in.

How about you Can't? Is it more exhaustion or just outright anger??

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by karebear1

On the rare occassion I ask for an extra session, it usually just exhausts me. But after a day or so, I usually come out better than before I went in.

How about you Can't? Is it more exhaustion or just outright anger??

When I ask for an extra session, I usually go in with a specific agenda and have a definite outcome in mind. It's rare that T gives me exactly what I want.

So I guess it's disappointment, mostly.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

When I ask for an extra session, I usually go in with a specific agenda and have a definite outcome in mind. It's rare that T gives me exactly what I want.

So I guess it's disappointment, mostly.

Hmm, so I wonder if you could try something different....start out with an agenda and keep an open mind about the outcome?

[BlessedRhiannon]

Usually, if I need an extra session or phone call with T because of something that's happened in the therapeutic relationship, the issue is resolved and I end up feeling better.

This last time - we talked about what had happened, and I understood what T was trying to tell me and she understood what I heard and how her words affected me. However, I still don't feel that it's resolved, because I'm still feeling the same way I was before our conversation. I think this is one of those situations where I need to work things out in my own head, because that's where the problem is occurring. I'm twisting her words up in my mind, to make them mean something other than what she intended. I'll probably bring this up again next session and talk through it a bit more, because it still feels unresolved to me.

Usually, when there's a misunderstanding with T, I bring up the topic, but I have to remember to keep an open mind about the outcome. I can't go in with a specific outcome in mind, or I'll be disappointed and frustrated, because that may not be what happens. I have to go in with the mindset of just bringing up the topic and trying to understand where the problem occurred and how we can resolve it and avoid such a thing from happening in the future.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Can't,
I used to be the same way, I was and still am very intolerant of holding/tolerating emotions without having them resolved. If you walk in angry, research has shown that our emotions are 'cathching', in other words, humans experience the emotions of others. So, I think that maybe when I walked in still enraged, that he was unable to discern his anger from mine, and was unmindful (as was I), so it ended up being worse. I think having your therapist tolerate your anger so you can is different than having your therapist feel your anger while also trying to resolve an issue between therapist/patient. I don't know if I made sense, but that was my experience.

Maybe, when you first walk in tell her that you're angry and that you feel the need to resolve an issue between the two of you. Tell her that in the past you usually have left feeling worse, and that you hope that she not take your anger personally, but that she remove herself from the emotional realm so she can help you. Maybe putting how you feel about this part into words will help you resolve this issue, and them maybe you will be able to resolve the issue you went in for. I'm curious to see how it goes, keep us posted!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

Hmm, so I wonder if you could try something different....start out with an agenda and keep an open mind about the outcome?

For normal sessions, yes. But not for extra sessions.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Antimatter

Maybe, when you first walk in tell her that you're angry and that you feel the need to resolve an issue between the two of you. Tell her that in the past you usually have left feeling worse, and that you hope that she not take your anger personally, but that she remove herself from the emotional realm so she can help you. Maybe putting how you feel about this part into words will help you resolve this issue, and them maybe you will be able to resolve the issue you went in for. I'm curious to see how it goes, keep us posted!

That's worth a try, but it's not so different from what I do now.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

For normal sessions, yes. But not for extra sessions.

Sounds like a worthwhile challenge!

[CantExplain]

So you're saying I should give extra sessions another try, but with lower expectations?

[Snuffleupagus]

I think the helpfulness of an extra session is totally dependent on the issue you expect to resolve. If I'm thinking something like "Oh, if I just get this issue resolved with T, I can get back to 'real therapy' at my regular session," it's not particularly helpful because whatever issue I'm having is usually part and parcel of "real therapy." When I start to think about it like that it becomes no more urgent than any of my other issues and so not fodder for an extra session.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

So you're saying I should give extra sessions another try, but with lower expectations?

FWIW, I think that sounds like a pretty good idea. Having too high expectations of anything often means that we get a bit disappointed.

When I ask for an extra session, I usually go in with a specific agenda and have a definite outcome in mind.

How specific is the outcome you have in mind? If you are waiting for T to say something in particular I can imagine that you'd quite easily be disappointed. Also, I know this is a bit of a cliché, but what we want might not be exactly what we need. (Which isn't to say that when you don't get what you want it automatically means that you got what you needed.... better stop now before I confuse myself.)

[CantExplain]

In my rather unsatisfactory session today, I did learn one thing.

T says the pattern in my ruptures is that I would get upset about something, ask for an extra session and use it to present an ultimatum, which T would refuse. Then I wouldn't come back.

I reckon T had a couple of options which she might have explored more fully:
1. She could have been more conciliatory
2. She could have helped me to see that her refusal need not spell the end of our relationship.

Judging from today's session, she doesn't pursue these options with any vigour.