Therapist as role model

Hi guys. Something I want to talk about. I haven't entirely made up my mind on this.

It seems to me, that the therapist is in an unrivalled position to model appropriate behaviour and lead by example.

Is that true?
If so, what behaviour should they model?
Do you regard your therapist as a role model?
Do you see him or her as a leader?
What do you think?

I do not view my therapist as a role model, a leader, or someone to emulate. The reason for that is because I'm not at a stage in my life where I require a role model or someone to look up to. I'm already a healthy, successful adult; I work as a professor and I serve as a mentor to a child in the Big brothers Big Sisters program, so I see myself AS a role model rather than as someone who needs a role model. While I've elected to be in therapy to work through some abuse I suffered as a child and the experience of never having a mom, I've never had an issue with knowing how to behave appropriately or handle social situations. Moreover, my therapist and I are fairly different and I prefer my own attributes to hers.

I don't see my T as a role model for me either. I don't see his life outside his office, so I don't particularly see what he would be modeling for me. My parents are my role models for my parenting. I have certain teachers, etc. who are role models to me in my profession. I don't know. I just don't know what he would be modeling except perhaps honesty and good communication skills I guess, but I just see that as a function of what I learn in therapy, not so much as what I gain from him as a role model.

I don't think that you being a role model doesn't mean that you can't have one as well. Just my thoughts. It doesn't mean that T has to be yours. I would hope that I have been and will continue to be role models for different people in my life as well as I have a couple that I look up to.

As for T being a role model to me.. The point is good that we don't see Ts behavior outside of their offices. I would think that if I did see him outside of his office, he would be a role model for me in parenting, from what he has told me about he and his wife. But, I suppose that is all speculation.

My T does model appropriate behaviour and is a good model in self-care, i like how she carries herself and how she dresses so i do look up to her a bit for those reasons. I don't see her as a leader as such.

In generic terms i think therapists need to model certain characteristics such as being self-assured, empathic, capable, emotionally intelligent, calm, and possess good skills in self-care.
I don't think a client HAS to see them as a role model or some sort of demi-god but if the therapist has all those good characteristics then seeing them as a role model isn't a bad thing either.

I think an important part of my therapy is the fact that my T is a role model to me. He represents the healthy parent figure I didn't have. He teaches what appropriate behavior SHOULD look like. He leads by example. No matter how erratic and irrational my behavior becomes HE always remains the same. THAT is what I needed...more than anything. If he reacted to my irrational behavior what would I ever learn about my mistakes?

He once told me he's for sure not perfect, but since he is what represented a healthy positive relationship to me... that I needed to use that as a model for my future relationships.

A role model in some situations, yes, I mean over all of course I know how to behave like a professional adult and all that good stuff, but I guess my T does model something for me - I have never been good at handling confrontation, I have always shrunk or run from it in any way shape or form. There's been a couple times when I got really pi$$ed off at her and told her so and I really learned from how she reacted to me - she calmly accepted how I felt and asked questions and we talked about it. My normal reaction to someone yelling at me has always been to pull my turtle head into my shell and run away. Over time I've been practicing what she modeled for me, when my husband or son gets mad at me about something (usually something dumb but I digress) instead of crying and leaving the room now I can look back at them and calmly say something like "I'm sorry you're upset, this is what we can do etc etc." and I don't ruffle myself. It's so true I've learned that it is up to ME how I react to them or anybody else. Nobody else can MAKE me feel any way or thing. It's all up to ME. So that's what T has modeled for me I guess, being in charge of my own reactions. Good thread CE.

I don't exactly see her a role model. Yes she is very assisstive, encouraging, kind, and has many attributes of a role model, but I don't see her in her personal life so I can't exactly see her as a model in real life scenarios. I look up to her immensely, but role model isn't the word I would use.

I see my therapist as a human example, rather than as a role model. I do refer things back to him in certain things, when I'm trying to gauge what is "normal".

I agree that being a role model doesn't negate the possibility of having role models yourself. Growing up, I always wished I had a role model; I just never did. And, in my profession, there are times it would be helpful to have someone to go to for guidance; I just never have. After many years of hoping I would find someone to look up to or go to for advice, I just accepted that I would have to pave my own way.

Yes, my T models appropriate behavior of many types. I have learned so much from him! I would say there are two types: modeling the behavior right in front of my eyes in our session, and modeling behavior by telling me how he handled something out in the world (self disclosing). I think this is one of the big benefits of his frequent self disclosure. These are some of the things my T has modeled for me: how to listen, be empathetic, not make assumptions, clarify when he doesn't understand, not be defensive if I challenge him, be authentic, handle conflicts, not avoid conflict, deal with grief from a parent's death, be vulnerable, not be judgmental, practice good self care, and more. The list is totally endless! I have learned so so much from him.

There have been numerous times out in the world when I approached a difficult situation, the type I am prone to botch (such as confronting someone), and thought, "how would T handle this?" And then I tried my best approximation and the situation went well or at least so much better than if I didn't have this template for a different way of behaving in my head, from spending all that time with T.

It is not under real life circumstances that we interact: t & me. There are some ways that she communicates that would be good for me to model in RL. In general, I don't see her as a role model for behavior in RL. I doubt she acts in RL as she does in her role as a psychotherapist.

sunrise said it for me, and I would add, how to navigate your way thru an intimate conversation, like "were you thinking of me while you were gone?", for example, without either of you freaking out.

maybe not always, but yes, I do think of her as a role model. shes trying to teach me how to relate to others, and shes doing it by example in our own relationship. "steady as a rock" comes to mind. someone else mentioned it, but she is always the same no matter if i come to her with smiles or anger or tears she never acts differently towards me. that usually pisses me off bc I want her to get mad and yell at me but she never does and on some level I appreciate that. I think I am already trying to emulate her, and THAT I do not think is such a good thing at this stage. But I definitely feel influenced.

Role model seems weird to me, but I am in the process of redefining what T means to me so maybe I can come back to this one. Good thought provoking question though.

Do you regard your therapist as a role model?
No
Do you see him or her as a leader?
Absolutely not
What do you think?
I think people go to therapy for different reasons. For some a role model or leader may be useful. It would not be so for me.

My T is my secure base. As my first secure base was an insecure base ive been like a tiny boat in a big sea. It's not so much using T as a roll model, it's more using the T I have internalised. That has steadied the sea.

To a certain extent, yes. I have trouble with relationships, and my T has really helped to model for me how r/s should be handled, as far as the interaction between us. However, things have become strained lately, and I've been pushing him to the limits. In the therapy room he's generally a good role model for how r/s work. But he is only human. When I start pushing his buttons and testing his boundaries, his imperfections start to show. It doesn't mean he's not a good T, it just means he's human and he can get his buttons pushed just like anyone else. However, he doesn't overreact when this happens, like I would. He's just not so ... perfect.

So to answer the question, generally he does model good r/s behavior and I've learned a lot from it.

However .. he's not God.

Is that true? No definitely not.. she is younger than me so I do not look at her like a role model.
If so, what behaviour should they model? In theory, they must model what the textbook version of "normal" is.
Do you regard your therapist as a role model? No.
Do you see him or her as a leader? No.

Yes, since I see her as a teacher/mentor. I ask myself "What would Dr. Do?" if I find myself in certain situations.

I don't see her full life, but I know enough about it to be able to take note on stuff. Before I met her, I didn't know what people meant by "take care of yourself". The other "grown ups" in my life only seem to be taking care of themselves in a "eat, drink, and be merry" kind of way. Which does make for some happiness, but it ignores the long-term. My therapist truly does it up royal, as they say. She doesn't skimp on luxuries for herself (she wears very fancy clothes and jewelry, travels on vacation frequently, etc.), but she also exercises a lot, eats healthily, and keeps her mind active. She also has a social life outside of her home--something that I have never witnessed very strongly in my parents. It's not just surface stuff that she engages in, but the whole package.

When I see her operate out in the "real world" (such as in yoga class), I also use that as an opportunity to learn from her. And I've told her as much.

For what it's worth, I don't think "role model" is that lofty a position. Everyone has something that they're good at that others may want to emulate.