Disastrous Session

I don't know her, but you can't really know what she would say unless you try it. heck the worst she could do is say, don't come; but you're already out so nothing to lose there.... and if she says come, the two of you could make some big strides.
>>> Please don't think I am taking this lightly or minimizing the effort you'll have to make; <<
but i have a feeling the payoff could be great. Remember our fellow PC person Nightsky, her T ruptures, and the beautiful healing that came after. She is miles down the road now from where she was.

Lonely I'm sorry you're going through this.

It does sound like you were triggered by your T wanting to change the day without asking you, particularly after a break. I can understand it feeling threatening and leaving you wanting to run away. But like the others said, it can be worked through. I've recently come through a massive rupture with my T and I've discovered they can make the relationship stronger as well as teach you so much about how to manage emotions and conflict in everyday life. As painful as it is, and as annoying as it may be to hear when all you want to do is run, facing these ruptures can be so healing. Obviously T needs to own her role in triggering you, but it sounds like she does really want to understand.

Relationships ARE hard I think that's more the case for people like us with horrible and dysfunctional backgrounds. But therapy is an ideal place to learn about conflict and emotions. You begin to realise that you can mouth off, get upset, disagree with T to hell and back, and it can still be okay. Valuable life skills!

I admire you for thinking about going back, and wish you all the luck in the world. You deserve this.

it sounds kinda like she was deliberately trying to provoke you. not to upset you, but to get you to examine this "pattern" she says you're in. it seems like she was trying to recreate certain dynamics (between you two) to see how you'd react, and to try to change some of your behavior patterns.

that's what it seems like to me anyway. i can also understand feeling really crappy, like she just doesn't like you any more. both the way she was in session, and the fact that she is changing your appointments, sound like they're leaving you feel unimportant and not cared about (and understandably so!)

hang in there. it won't always feel this way..

Thanks you guys, seriously, I can't thank you enough for all your support. T rang me last night, but I know your going to say this is a bad thing and I know it is, I didn't answer the phone when I saw her name come up. How much of a coward am I. Anyway, she left a nice message and wants me back next week. I hope I can do it, I really do, but at least I have a few days to get the courage up to go in. I just don't know how its gonna pan out to be honest. Sometimes, no all the time, when I feel like someone is trying to get in to my head, I just seriously try to push them away and i get very defensive and I don't be honest. I sure hope I can go in and be honest. Well thanks guys, I really appreciate all your input, and Seventy eight & Dreamy thank you so much because what you said like all the other posters I think is spot on. I'll probably be posting next week because I'll be so nervous and embarrassed. When I think of all the stuff I put in that letter

Just remember that this is good stuff for therapy. I know it's hard to see that right now when you're in the thick of it, but I have found that the times that are the most difficult end up being the most informative and rewarding.