[lonelyplanet]

To follow on from the help you all gave me ysterday for my session. Things went sooo wrong. From the minute I got there. It was just the worse ever and now I just feel so completely and utterly depressed and so down and worthless.

Started off with silence, even though I asked her to start just for this week, and then she said after a few minutes of complete silence "do you feel held in the silence". What is that supposed to mean, god the only thing I felt was complete and utter embarrassment and all I wanted to do was get the hell out of there. She didn't even explain what she meant. Am I supposed to understand what she says. I don't get it. Anyway, then she decided to tell me she woudl be going on a two week vacation (which she is definetly due and I don't begrudge it to her, she deserves it just like all of us), BUT then the clanger, straight away after that she takes out her appointment book and says "when I come back from holidays we will change the day from Wednesday to Thursday which time suits you. Well that was it, in my head I was gone completely gone, I was so angry and I don't know why. I said I would let her know and she put the book away. Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but at the very least I think she could have given me a reason why she was changing days. So we went back to complete silence. I was seriously afraid to start talking because I was just so angry.

Eventually she asked me was I angry because of the change, and I said yes. She said was that my way of punishing her. She went on saying that she's not a mind reader and she needs me to tell her these things. Whats the point, i told her why I was angry and that she didn't give me a reason why she was changing it and she still didn't give me an answer, so after another few minutes of silence (like how much silence can you have in one session) I told her I wanted to finish. She was like "Lonely you know your only saying this to punish me because you feel angry". Anyway, its too long and boring for you to read what happened next, but the upshot is that it was just completely horrible. I really thought I was changing I was doing so great over the last few weeks, after a long time of being very bad and now I'm back to the same way I was. She kept asking me what I was running away from.

I don't know, I think some people can manage therapy, I don't seem to be one of them. Its just too hard.

Sorry for the vent but I just had to get it out. I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS. I don't want to be like this anymore, but I thought things were changing, but they seem to be going back now instead of forward.

I think I'm completely losing it I really do.

Thanks for reading if you do

[Victoria'smom]

Maybe this is just a temporary setback. I feel most of my session is spent in silents even when I have so much to say. Ask if you can still have Wednesday it's worth a shot. I'm sorry.

[lonelyplanet]

Too late I'm afraid. I typed out a long letter to her this morning and at the very end of the letter I told her I wanted to have a break, so there it ends. Ah well, maybe its time for me to try to manage on my own but I'm really upset about it.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by lonelyplanet

Too late I'm afraid. I typed out a long letter to her this morning and at the very end of the letter I told her I wanted to have a break, so there it ends. Ah well, maybe its time for me to try to manage on my own but I'm really upset about it.

it is NOT too late. You are entitled to reverse this decision!!! Tell T you remembered that it's a very bad idea to make a change when you are upset about something, and you need to take back that decision. You can do this

then when you are at peace again you can decide whether or not to quit. please take care of yourself.

Therapy is the perfect place for things to go "wrong". That way they can be seen, thought & talked about and finally processed.

[lonelyplanet]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

it is NOT too late. You are entitled to reverse this decision!!! Tell T you remembered that it's a very bad idea to make a change when you are upset about something, and you need to take back that decision. You can do this

then when you are at peace again you can decide whether or not to quit. please take care of yourself.

I know what you are saying and thats true, but i said an awful lot of stuff in that letter (2 pages of it). I don't think there is any way to come back from that. I told her all the things I thought she was doing wrong, but I said it in a nice way and I finished saying that I made the right decision for me. I hand delivered it to her office this morning so I really don't think there is a way back. If she rings me I won't answer the phone. I never do, cos I hate talking on the phone. Its all my fault, but when you do something like this you have to deal with the consequences. I'm still really angry anyway so I'd probably say the wrong thing.

Appreciate your advice though thanks

[lonelyplanet]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Maybe this is just a temporary setback. I feel most of my session is spent in silents even when I have so much to say. Ask if you can still have Wednesday it's worth a shot. I'm sorry.

Wednesdays are gone it can only be Thursdays but I've finished anyway, so it doesn't really matter anymore.

[WePow]

It sounds like what happened triggered you.
It feels like it is because she made a drastic change that impacted you without even asking you about it. Just feels like if that happened in your past, it could certainly lead to what you feel right now. As you know, I hate change, and when I am not provided any explaination, it triggers me big time.
Sending you hugs!

[lonelyplanet]

I never really thought of it that way WePow thanks for that. I suppose if I had left it for a few days I would have calmed down. Ah well I suppose like I said its done now and I have to live with the consequences. Sending you hugs right back lol

[bamapsych]

T's are generally pretty resilent and can/will bounce back without too many repercussions to your relationship. Think of it like a rupture. It can be a learning experience for both of you if you choose to go back to see her.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by lonelyplanet

when you do something like this you have to deal with the consequences.

but ... you are unwilling to deal with the consequences (address with T what you said in the letter , and keep going). think about it.

[Sannah]

Yeah, a lot can be learned by processing this with her. This is how you learn about relationships. Don't run away.

[lonelyplanet]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

but ... you are unwilling to deal with the consequences (address with T what you said in the letter , and keep going). think about it.

Well yes I hear what your saying, but do you not think after everything I said in the letter and I mean it was really very bad, but alot of it I still think is true and I'm still really angry with her, do you not think she will have enough. I don't know if I could go back. It would be so embarrassing for her and for me I think. I will think about what your saying, but it sounds, I mean I really think after what I said, that she is not going to want me to go back.

[stopdog]

Therapists are not that easily embarrassed. I would go (and I have done so) in and be direct about her failures. No need to apologize for telling her how she has failed. I don't think there is anything for the client to worry about unless you called her names or threatened her.

[Sannah]

T's are used to this stuff. Some people need to go through this to get to the other side. When I had an issue with my husband, it would come out so over the top and he would be hurt and he would tell me "next time just tell me before it gets this big". We worked through it. I swear, it couldn't have come out of me any other way. It just needs to come out sometimes in a big, ugly splat. Your T will understand. (And my husband didn't understand that it was so ugly because of my experiences in the past. I'm sure it is the same for you?)

[lonelyplanet]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Yeah, a lot can be learned by processing this with her. This is how you learn about relationships. Don't run away.

OMG Sannah, my T said the exact same thing all the way through the session. She kept saying Lonely, can you please just try and tell me what you are running away from. This is a pattern ...... Sure I didn't know and I still don't. How am I supposed to know. I can't believe you just said the same thing. It must be me. I'm completely freaking out now. I want to go back but I really don't think I can suck it up and go. I just would be too embarrassed. I think maybe I could be running from talking about my emotions. She keeps saying it hurts your body if you keep everything in. If I try to talk about them then I start to get upset, and I don't want that to happen, so I don't talk about them. God I'm such a freak

[stopdog]

I have found with the one I see, she does not listen unless I get very direct and pointed. SHe is dismissive and blows me off unless I stop her.
Perhaps the one you see is the same way.

[lonelyplanet]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Yeah, a lot can be learned by processing this with her. This is how you learn about relationships. Don't run away.

Originally Posted by stopdog

Therapists are not that easily embarrassed. I would go (and I have done so) in and be direct about her failures. No need to apologize for telling her how she has failed. I don't think there is anything for the client to worry about unless you called her names or threatened her.

Have you seriously Stopdog. Have you really gone back even and talked about it. What if its me and not her though. Then that means that its my failure and not hers. No I didn't insult her or anything, I was very nice about it, but still it was a terrible letter. I said exactly how I felt and how she made me feel but I didn't threaten her or insult her or anything like that. Have you really gone back Stopdog, your not just saying it. When it happened to you, how did you start. Do you mind me asking? I'm not being nosy, just wondering if I could use the same lines maybe You can no if you want.

[stopdog]

Yes, I really have. I was not embarrassed nor did I apologize. I meant what I said.

Usually the therapist has started at the next appointment. I don't remember actual lines. I go into professional concise mode. If I think of something specific, I will post.

[lonelyplanet]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I have found with the one I see, she does not listen unless I get very direct and pointed. SHe is dismissive and blows me off unless I stop her.
Perhaps the one you see is the same way.

No the lady I see is really lovely and really good at what she does. I'm beginning to think that its actually me thats in the wrong. I think maybe its all my fault because I find it so hard to talk and I'm blaming her for it. She has never been dismissive of me that I know of yet anyway. Wow I really am in a mess now. Thanks stopdog for your help as always

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by lonelyplanet

I didn't know and I still don't. How am I supposed to know.

I want to go back but I really don't think I can suck it up and go.

I just would be too embarrassed.

I think maybe I could be running from talking about my emotions. If I try to talk about them then I start to get upset, and I don't want that to happen, so I don't talk about them.

Have a plan with your T to let your emotions out gradually so that they aren't overwhelming.

You aren't a freak. This happens to many people in therapy. You keep bottling up your feelings it can become like a pressure cooker.

One of the most helpful things that I learned is that it is okay to be embarrassed.

[lonelyplanet]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Have a plan with your T to let your emotions out gradually so that they aren't overwhelming.

You aren't a freak. This happens to many people in therapy. You keep bottling up your feelings it can become like a pressure cooker.

One of the most helpful things that I learned is that it is okay to be embarrassed.

Thanks Sannah I'm going to give it a few days and see if she rings me. I'll answer it if she does and talk to her. If she doesn't I'll ring her before my appointment and see what happens....... if I have get the courage up to do it. I feel so bad now. I really do

[lonelyplanet]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Yes, I really have. I was not embarrassed nor did I apologize. I meant what I said.

Usually the therapist has started at the next appointment. I don't remember actual lines. I go into professional concise mode. If I think of something specific, I will post.

I believe you Stopdog. You sound like you say what you mean. If you do think of anything specific I'd be really grateful. You have no idea how much of a wuss I am when it comes to having to go back and admit that maybe I was wrong I'm not too good at it. Suppose I better start learning

[stopdog]

I don't see where admission of wrong would have to come about. I have not found therapists particularly willing to admit mistakes either.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by lonelyplanet

Thanks Sannah I'm going to give it a few days and see if she rings me. I'll answer it if she does and talk to her. If she doesn't I'll ring her before my appointment and see what happens....... if I have get the courage up to do it. I feel so bad now. I really do

If you wrote in the letter that you quit, then it's important that you take the first step in contacting your T. Many times, Ts will respect what you write even if you don't mean it now....By waiting for your T to call you, you may be setting yourself up for more disappointment. And, if you quit in the letter, then your appointment might not still be there.