I realize I could put this on the DID forum, but sometimes I hate posting stuff there, because sometimes I feel like stuff just gets views there, because strangers want to read stuff about DID. So when I want to feel safe I go to other boards. And since it's about a treatment provider I came here.

I am really embarrassed that I switched (like dissociative identity disorder) switched in front of my psych rehab worker today.

I think I was really shocked that she handled it the way she did though. Really well. She helped me ground myself. And then I'm like "why couldn't my old team do that"? I had such issues with them being able to handle my illness. I think people are so used to throwing medications at people and that's it. But you definitely can't do that with DID.

I went undiagnosed for so many years, because my team didn't know what DID looked like. They thought it looked like Sybil, and so I suffered for a long time, because my head didn't spin and I didn't start talking in demon voices? I don't know? And then I went to a trauma center and they said I was an "obvious" case.

But I don't know her that well, so I'm surprised that I did switch in front of her, because I thought that I had some sort of control over my switching, but it turns out I really don't. I also had a massive switch in front of an intake coordinator for my new psychiatrist.

And I can't find triggers for these switches either. They're very random.

Deleted:Nevermind.

Originally Posted by LydiaB

I realize I could put this on the DID forum, but sometimes I hate posting stuff there, because sometimes I feel like stuff just gets views there, because strangers want to read stuff about DID. So when I want to feel safe I go to other boards. And since it's about a treatment provider I came here.

I am really embarrassed that I switched (like dissociative identity disorder) switched in front of my psych rehab worker today.

I think I was really shocked that she handled it the way she did though. Really well. She helped me ground myself. And then I'm like "why couldn't my old team do that"? I had such issues with them being able to handle my illness. I think people are so used to throwing medications at people and that's it. But you definitely can't do that with DID.

I went undiagnosed for so many years, because my team didn't know what DID looked like. They thought it looked like Sybil, and so I suffered for a long time, because my head didn't spin and I didn't start talking in demon voices? I don't know? And then I went to a trauma center and they said I was an "obvious" case.

But I don't know her that well, so I'm surprised that I did switch in front of her, because I thought that I had some sort of control over my switching, but it turns out I really don't. I also had a massive switch in front of an intake coordinator for my new psychiatrist.

And I can't find triggers for these switches either. They're very random.

sounds like she handled it very well and you were grateful. im glad she was able to behave appropriately and be what you needed at that time.

Originally Posted by lonelybychoice

LydiaB........did a psychiatrist give you a dx of DID? Seems to me like you really spend alot of time playing the blame game, defending your dx and splitting health proffesionals to pieces rather than focusing on healing..Sorry

What? How did you get this from that? From five short paragraphs and sentence you have me all figured out! You're a freaking genius!!

I am faking DID and I am not working on my healing. In case you didn't notice we are on psychiatric boards. So you're going to hear my diagnosis. I don't tote it around with me though. I am pretty upset with my previous team right now. For understandable reasons. As I have posted in other posts. As you have probably not read, because if you did, you wouldn't have made such a stupid conclusion. I am allowed to be upset. Get over it. Yes patients can be right.

My current team is much more helpful. Previous teams to them have been much more helpful. They however hired drug thieves, broke confidentiality, lied to me on numerous occasions and refused me services. So if I want to complain about them. I will. Thank you. Have a nice day.

O and P.S not that I should have to tell you this, but yes I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist. I think he even ranks #3 as a specialist in the disorder in the United States. I didn't read it off a cracker jack box.

And another thing. Not everybody wants to hear what pops right into your head when you read a post. It's called manners. Get some. Like the rest of us.

First ..I deleted what I wrote. No need for me to write something like that.
Second..I am a genius because I have read all of your former threads

As I said I deleted my post. No need for me to react this way and actually write a response on this one.

You are right I need to work on my manners.

Originally Posted by lonelybychoice

First ..I deleted what I wrote. No need for me to write something like that.
Second..I am a genius because I have read all of your former threads

As I said I deleted my post. No need for me to react this way and actually write a response on this one.

You are right I need to work on my manners.

So you've read all my former threads, however you somehow missed that I am seeing a psychiatrist, switching teams for a reason and that I went to a prestigious trauma clinic.

If you don't like me for some reason, whatever. Whether you're judging me off a thread or two that you hated, or a response to someone you didn't like, since you seem to have read all my threads for a reason. You're actually missing a very intelligent person, who comes here for crisis type reasons and I don't exactly expect my image to look perfect here. I didn't think it had to. I thought people wouldn't judge me.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm sorry that your other team did not act appropriately to ground you. I'm glad this team is a lot better. I'm sorry your embarrassed but isn't it for best now knowing your team can help you more? Hopefully you'll find what your triggers are.

[adel34]

Hi Lydia,
I'm so so glad your rehab worker reacted so well to the switching! That must be so scary not to know what the triggers are and to have it be random like that. It's good to hear you posting about something fairly positive after all the major struggles you had with your past team!
I hope things keep going in this good direction and you continue to get real help for yourself.
And lonely, if you really read all Lydia's threads you'd know the situation and (hopefully) be as happy for her as I and others are. What you said just wasn't cool. And, I've noticed that when someone writes a post and then tries to delete it, it doesn't actually remove the post. It could say" never mind" or something but then that's still showig that you did write something. Anyway Lydia, keep us posted on how things are!

[here today]

A friend who had DID got a lot of support from her voc. rehab counselor. Maybe they are trained and/or have the talent to see people just as they are? And not freak out when we are "different"? I'm happy for you that you had such a good experience.

I wonder what the point is of deleting a post, when it get´s quoted anyways

I know you have a new PDOC and obvioulsly that you got a dx from a doctor. There´s just something completely wrong with the picture though. Final statement. I can´t be bothered, but of course I am happy that you got " a new pdoc/team" hope it will last and you will find a place of true healing, or whatever you are looking for at this point.

As for manners: I totally agree that I was out of line yesterday in my post. That´s why I deleted it. But have you ever read your own posts. The way you respond and talk about ALL your treatment providers? If you have, how is it possible for you to talk about another persons manners.

Originally Posted by lonelybychoice

I wonder what the point is of deleting a post, when it get´s quoted anyways

I know you have a new PDOC and obvioulsly that you got a dx from a doctor. There´s just something completely wrong with the picture though. Final statement. I can´t be bothered, but of course I am happy that you got " a new pdoc/team" hope it will last and you will find a place of true healing, or whatever you are looking for at this point.

As for manners: I totally agree that I was out of line yesterday in my post. That´s why I deleted it. But have you ever read your own posts. The way you respond and talk about ALL your treatment providers? If you have, how is it possible for you to talk about another persons manners.

I had the same treatment providers for four years, I am only 25 and have only been sick since I was 19. Before that I had an eating disorder team. I am healed of my eating disorder, so that is why I left them. My entire team works together. They are an ACT team. They work in the same building. They have meetings together everyday. They have offices beside each other. They have the same boss, whose office is also in the same small complex. Let me tell you some stuff that I have noticed from this team and maybe you will understand why I don't respect them. I respect their doctor greatly, and it's why I held on for so long.

1. They take advantage of clients. Allowing manic bipolar patients to clean their office and asking overly pleasing clients to run to the corner store for them.

2. They make fun of diagnosis. They once took bets with REAL money, on how much pizza a man could eat on his birthday, when they took him to a all you can eat pizza buffet, when the man has a serious eating disorder.

3. They break confidentiality. I was told on numerous occasions of other patients issues. About patients running away, going into hospitals, refusing meds, etc. They would use initials to talk about other people's issues, once announcing to the entire office, with patients in it, that I was stupid for being willing to give my kidney to a dying friend. They thought I wasn't in the office. He ended up dying, because they wouldn't let me and I thought at the time that they owned me. It wasn't that hard to figure out the initials.

4. They hired drug thieves on two occasions. They hired two women who stole drugs from our bins. One did it for years.

5. Their therapist had issues. Counter transference issues and in the end, instead of dealing with them, he turned it around and blamed me, but he's still the only normal one in the bunch.

6. My mom even dislikes this team and wants me out of it as soon as possible.

7. They've lied to me on numerous occasions about what I'm allowed to do outside of them. For example I tried to get a psych rehab worker and I was told "you don't need that! you have that here!" When I told the psych rehab worker that she was really upset, because I am definitely allowed to have both and none of their workers have time to do what psych rehab workers do.

8. They are controlling. Mostly the team leader. Even after being cleared by two psychiatrists, she insisted I stay in a hospital and even called my mom in a rush telling her that I would die if I left. So my mom came to the meeting in a heap of tears, believing this and no matter how many times I tried to tell my mom it was okay, she believed the team leader. She doesn't anymore though, and she's upset now that she manipulated her feelings.

And yes I have had to recently learn to manipulate my team, so I don't end up hurt over and over. But I am almost done with them. I don't like manipulation. It reminds me of being young and doing that to adults to cover up secrets.

I think you are used to a team being separate and so you are wondering how so many professionals suck. But mostly it's the team leader who sucks. If the people under her were outside of her, they would be absolute fine providers. That's why my doctor is okay, because he's not under her. But once the leader is effected it trickles down to the other team members.

What's seriously wrong is them. I have no respect for people who act like this.

Originally Posted by LydiaB

I had the same treatment providers for four years, I am only 25 and have only been sick since I was 19. Before that I had an eating disorder team. I am healed of my eating disorder, so that is why I left them. My entire team works together. They are an ACT team. They work in the same building. They have meetings together everyday. They have offices beside each other. They have the same boss, whose office is also in the same small complex. Let me tell you some stuff that I have noticed from this team and maybe you will understand why I don't respect them. I respect their doctor greatly, and it's why I held on for so long.

1. They take advantage of clients. Allowing manic bipolar patients to clean their office and asking overly pleasing clients to run to the corner store for them.

2. They make fun of diagnosis. They once took bets with REAL money, on how much pizza a man could eat on his birthday, when they took him to a all you can eat pizza buffet, when the man has a serious eating disorder.

3. They break confidentiality. I was told on numerous occasions of other patients issues. About patients running away, going into hospitals, refusing meds, etc. They would use initials to talk about other people's issues, once announcing to the entire office, with patients in it, that I was stupid for being willing to give my kidney to a dying friend. They thought I wasn't in the office. He ended up dying, because they wouldn't let me and I thought at the time that they owned me. It wasn't that hard to figure out the initials.

4. They hired drug thieves on two occasions. They hired two women who stole drugs from our bins. One did it for years.

5. Their therapist had issues. Counter transference issues and in the end, instead of dealing with them, he turned it around and blamed me, but he's still the only normal one in the bunch.

6. My mom even dislikes this team and wants me out of it as soon as possible.

7. They've lied to me on numerous occasions about what I'm allowed to do outside of them. For example I tried to get a psych rehab worker and I was told "you don't need that! you have that here!" When I told the psych rehab worker that she was really upset, because I am definitely allowed to have both and none of their workers have time to do what psych rehab workers do.

8. They are controlling. Mostly the team leader. Even after being cleared by two psychiatrists, she insisted I stay in a hospital and even called my mom in a rush telling her that I would die if I left. So my mom came to the meeting in a heap of tears, believing this and no matter how many times I tried to tell my mom it was okay, she believed the team leader. She doesn't anymore though, and she's upset now that she manipulated her feelings.

And yes I have had to recently learn to manipulate my team, so I don't end up hurt over and over. But I am almost done with them. I don't like manipulation. It reminds me of being young and doing that to adults to cover up secrets.

I think you are used to a team being separate and so you are wondering how so many professionals suck. But mostly it's the team leader who sucks. If the people under her were outside of her, they would be absolute fine providers. That's why my doctor is okay, because he's not under her. But once the leader is effected it trickles down to the other team members.

What's seriously wrong is them. I have no respect for people who act like this.

Why are you responding with the whole blame game and assuming what people think yet again? I did not even adress those issues. Look up the word " projecting" I have written this before.Sorry but YOU have to be part of your treatment and take responsibility too. I refuse to think that all the proffessionals YOU come across are stupid. Try to look at your own part in this.

Could the switches be due to anxiety?

Originally Posted by lonelybychoice

Why are you responding with the whole blame game and assuming what people think yet again? I did not even adress those issues. Look up the word " projecting" I have written this before.Sorry but YOU have to be part of your treatment and take responsebility too

What is your problem? My recovery is not going badly so what exactly do I have to take responsibility for? I have exceeded any goals set fourth for myself. There's no blame to take. I don't even blame them for my "lack of recovery" because there is no lack of recovery. I am doing fine right now!

I have wrote plenty of posts about my responsibility in regards of whether or not I have responsibility in getting crappy professionals. But you probably read them when you stalked my past threads.

You said "The way you respond and talk about ALL your treatment providers?"

I was letting you know why I talk about them that way. Because they're ALL together.

OMG deal with yourself before you come on somebody else's thread shooting stuff off you have no clue about.

And speaking of projecting, I don't know what thundercloud ate your sunshine, but for some reason you hate me. Maybe you should figure out why. Because I've done nothing to you.

Whatever, you opinion means nothing to me.

Originally Posted by LydiaB

What is your problem? My recovery is not going badly so what exactly do I have to take responsibility for? I have exceeded any goals set fourth for myself. There's no blame to take. I don't even blame them for my "lack of recovery" because there is no lack of recovery. I am doing fine right now!

I have wrote plenty of posts about my responsibility in regards of whether or not I have responsibility in getting crappy professionals. But you probably read them when you stalked my past threads.

You said "The way you respond and talk about ALL your treatment providers?"

I was letting you know why I talk about them that way. Because they're ALL together.

OMG deal with yourself before you come on somebody else's thread shooting stuff off you have no clue about.

And speaking of projecting, I don't know what thundercloud ate your sunshine, but for some reason you hate me. Maybe you should figure out why. Because I've done nothing to you.

Whatever, you opinion means nothing to me.

Again assuming and projecting........sigh.

Originally Posted by adel34

Hi Lydia,
I'm so so glad your rehab worker reacted so well to the switching! That must be so scary not to know what the triggers are and to have it be random like that. It's good to hear you posting about something fairly positive after all the major struggles you had with your past team!
I hope things keep going in this good direction and you continue to get real help for yourself.
And lonely, if you really read all Lydia's threads you'd know the situation and (hopefully) be as happy for her as I and others are. What you said just wasn't cool. And, I've noticed that when someone writes a post and then tries to delete it, it doesn't actually remove the post. It could say" never mind" or something but then that's still showig that you did write something. Anyway Lydia, keep us posted on how things are!

Thank you! I am glad to be posting about something positive too. It makes me more hopeful!

Originally Posted by Didgee Eeyou

Could the switches be due to anxiety?

It could be. It seems to happen though only with treatment providers, as I've done a few other anxiety ridden things... so I was thinking maybe it's a child part who is clearly attached and going to miss my team, no matter how much strife they caused in my actual life.

Originally Posted by lonelybychoice

I refuse to think that all the proffessionals YOU come across are stupid. Try to look at your own part in this.

It's funny you're writing this on a post where I am talking of being thankful for a treatment provider and their reactions towards me.



And if I get a little upset over it, excuse me. It's like blaming a woman for being raped. "What did you do to get treated like this", Maybe I was wearing a mini skirt. I did nothing. None of their patients did anything. I gave you fine examples of what they have done, although that somehow means that I am projecting? Apparently if I write more then a sentence, I am projecting.

Because you clearly are telling me that I have some part in the pain that my team has caused me. Right? Because maybe I'm reading it wrong? Something about "Sorry but YOU have to be part of your treatment and take responsibility too". and "I refuse to think that all the proffessionals YOU come across are stupid. Try to look at your own part in this."

Have you ever been abused LBC? Try to look at your own part in it? Do you like that question? Because that's what I've gone through for the last 1.5 years with them. And I gave you exact reasons. I don't typically come on here after having a good experience with a professional, because I'm not stressed out over it. I've had tons though. I have talked exclusively about this team. And guess what? I'm allowed and nothing you can say will stop me.

Last week I went and saw a new therapist. It didn't work out because she ended up not specializing in DID, but I loved her and wished I could have stayed with her. She was very professional and referred me to somebody who could help me. I didn't write about it, because it didn't effect me. I don't use this place like it's a journal. I use it for support.

So can you please give me and example of how I'm projecting because I can give you an example of how YOU'RE transferring. You were disrespectful and rude, right off the bat on two different threads now. And you've read all my threads. I am going to assume for some reason that you don't like me. Since I have never come across you before or given you a reason to dislike me, there is something that you've read that has reminded you of something else.