Purging vs cutting (SI)

Which is better?

If I cut, I run the risk of being caught.

If I purge it is much easier to hide and still gets out my desire to self harm. But it does more severe damage internally that will not become apparent until it is irreversible.

I took my mom out for a birthday lunch, and have now vomited up my meal into an empty gallon container. It is a quarter full. I just keep thinking how my stomach is huge to hold all that, and more to come.

I used to be bulimic. This is a dangerous game.

I haven't told my T I have been doing this again.

Neither is better/worse than the other one. You are hurting yourself, no matter how you look at it, which you realize. You have to talk to you therapist about it. I know that it can be painful and hard to address, and sometimes for me, I wasn't sure that I wanted to stop so I didn't want to mention it. However, you really have to let her know so that she can help you work through it and get you to the point where you turn to healthier, constructive behaviors when you have the urge to cut or purge.

You are strong enough to handle this, and it was super brave of you just to take the first steps of realizing that these behaviors are harmful and knowing that you need to reach out. Please keep me posted, love. I have been through this before, so if you ever need to talk, PM anytime. I truly care.

Both are bad.
I do both. They both are lousy ways to cope.