[Dreamy01]

All week I've been feeling rubbish about being so happy to see T last week after she got back from her trip and this led to complete despair over our eventual ending, even though one isn't planned.

T told me today that it was okay to feel so happy to see her and she was pleased that I was She said feelings are meant to be enjoyed for what they are. She also said that she doesn't see our work together as being finished and I can keep seeing her until I decide that I'm no longer getting what I need from going.

Realised I go from zero to a thousand on the emotional scale in seconds trying to 'deal' with life. No one has ever sat me down and said 'It's okay, calm down.' I even admitted my loneliness was part of why I see her and T said I'm way too hard on myself.

I feel so much more settled knowing that T said it's okay to see her until I don't need to. I guess I've always been scared that she will decide I'm fine and kick me out and my entire relationship with her is based on guilt and shame that I need to see her and a sense that I shouldn't be, somehow. I wish I could just relax with it all.

Dreamy she said it was ok, you need to trust in that and when the feelings of doubt pop up and try messing with you.... think back to her telling you...you get to decide when your done. Enjoy the happy... I play this same game with myself, but I'm getting better at not listening to me.

[CantExplain]

Don't think too far ahead. Enjoy what you have while you have it.

I'm only just learning this. Slowly.