[~EnlightenMe~]

I will never be able to see, hear from, or talk to my xT again. This ****ing sucks, I have so many questions, so many things to figure out. But I guess I' m not important enough. Im so ****ing hurt and angry. But how I feel is of no consequence. IM not valid, not legitimate. **** **** **** **** ****

Someone else's actions or inaction is about them, not you. Although feeling its about us gives one a feeling of control in a situation where the action is out of their control. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself down and continue onwards.

I don't know what to say Anti.... I'm sorry you are hurting.

Anti, I went through similar feelings with my XT , I'm not very good with finality. I was able to process that loss with the help of my new T. It doesn't stop the hurt, but it's proof you can stop hurting over time and eventually this wont bother you like it does now.

[SallyBrown]

So many hugs.

Your feelings are very valid; that your xT is no longer accessible to you has nothing to do with that and doesn't change your value as a person. What would you tell me?

[~EnlightenMe~]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

Anti, I went through similar feelings with my XT , I'm not very good with finality. I was able to process that loss with the help of my new T. It doesn't stop the hurt, but it's proof you can stop hurting over time and eventually this wont bother you like it does now.

I have gone from extreme rage/anger, to some rage/anger and I was upset about this at the time I wrote it. Things are getting less intense now, but I still feel all the feelings I felt at different times, and differing intensities. I don't think acceptance is here yet, but it will happen. My newT is really helping me, but it is hard now and I am trying to trust him. I am trying to trust me and my attachment issues. He seems very trustworthy and is really brilliant. I have hope.

Thanks everyone for your support throughout this! I wouldn't have made it without my PC family

Antimatter, I know it's HARD. It does ******* SUCK. It ISN"T fair. It's understandable to be angry, and sad, and HURT.

I felt the same way you did when I was terminated. It was SO confusing for me because my T had always indicated I would be in control of my therapy and ultimately, it was HIS decision that ended it. You are correct. You may never know all the answers to why your therapy ended. Five years later, I still don't quite know what happened but I DO know this....it wasn't because of me. He used me as the reason but it was his OWN shortcomings, unhealthiness, insecurities, fear or whatever that caused him to take actions to protect himself. Another T once explained it to me this way, some T's have a difficult time seeing the bad parts of themselves.

I know it's difficult. I hope you find some peace.

[Sunne]

You matter and are important.