[Fixated]

that Ts actually give a s.hit about us as real people and not just numbers?

I''m having a hard time believing it today. T today sucked. Her cell phone chirped twice (which has never happened before). She got up to turn it off because she said, "it would just keep going off"....because she has so many clients. She must get a ton of messages each hour. I am just one of many. Any text I send would probably be just one of a hundred that day. Just numbers.

On top of that, T forgot which day of the week my 2nd regular appointment is. We've only been meeting on Fridays for two years, but she said Thursday. And this is on top of her mis-scheduling my Friday appointments because she thought we'd always been meeting at 11 when we meet at noon. All just numbers.

Maybe it's for the best. She might have been getting to close anyway. No one wants to get burned.

[TheWell]

Of course she has a lot of clients, the good ones do. If she answered the phone during your appt that would have been bad. Forgive her for her memory. My memory is horrible and I'm always apologizing for it. I know it must hurt that you think you aren't special but you are because you are you. Maybe you should bring this up with her. Sounds like you are trying to push away. Fear of closeness? I know I have it.

[Nightlight]

I used to feel that way when my therapist would forget when she was supposed to see me. Once, after coming in for surely more than a year at the same time and day she didn't turn up, because she'd forgotten to write my name in and had put someone else in instead. I've realised now that she's a person who just doesn't see things that way. She told me recently that she saw my name and realised I was coming in that day and she felt happy about it. She just doesn't remember me in terms of what time and day she sees me, even thought I've seen her for months, and sometimes even years at the same time. It's hard when you feel like their forgetting that is something to do with you not being important enough, but I really don't think that's it at all. I actually think it's most likely because of the opposite of your therapist seeing you as a number. She doesn't consider you to be her Friday at noon, she probably thinks of you as a whole person, and the time she sees you is incidental...and like my therapist, she just doesn't remember things in that way. It's not because you're unimportant!

[autotelica]

I'm sorry you're feeling low.

If this is the first time her cell phone has gone haywire, I would not assume it's because of calling patients. It could be one particularly needy patient--one who hasn't learned to maintain boundaries yet. It could be family stuff--an annoying mother-in-law who's come to visit. My cell phone has been going off like crazy because I have an ad up on craigslist. I know it's probably annoying to hear, but there often are a million reasons why someone's phone would be ringing off the hook.

My therapist also forgets my "day". It's been the same for the past 4.5 years and she frequently can't keep it straight in her head (it's usually straight in her appointment book, though). But she has never forgotten my name. She's pretty good with keeping the details of my life straight. She remembers who I am. So if she says, "See you Tuesday!" instead of Monday, I give her a break.

You don't have to give yours a break if you truly feel she's treating you in a perfunctory, non-caring way. But I would try to, if you've got it in you to give.

Just think. If you've got a popular therapist, that must mean she knows what she's doing, right? Wouldn't it creep you out if your therapist couldn't drum up any business and she was just holding on to you because you're her bread and butter?

Fix she could be going through soemthing in her personal life. im sure its not you.

[healed84]

This bothers me sometimes too.. Then, I think.. it doesn't matter b/c when I am with my T, even if his cell accidently goes off, or he gets a detail of my story messed up with somebody else's b/c it is bound to happen.. He is MY t for that hour.. And MY t when I e-mail, call, or text him. He focusing on me at those times.

[Fixated]

Originally Posted by Nightlight

I used to feel that way when my therapist would forget when she was supposed to see me. Once, after coming in for surely more than a year at the same time and day she didn't turn up, because she'd forgotten to write my name in and had put someone else in instead. I've realised now that she's a person who just doesn't see things that way. She told me recently that she saw my name and realised I was coming in that day and she felt happy about it. She just doesn't remember me in terms of what time and day she sees me, even thought I've seen her for months, and sometimes even years at the same time. It's hard when you feel like their forgetting that is something to do with you not being important enough, but I really don't think that's it at all. I actually think it's most likely because of the opposite of your therapist seeing you as a number. She doesn't consider you to be her Friday at noon, she probably thinks of you as a whole person, and the time she sees you is incidental...and like my therapist, she just doesn't remember things in that way. It's not because you're unimportant!

This sort of makes sense, and it is a nice way to think of it. My T would probably agree with you. I don't know if I can believe it in my current state though. Maybe tomorrow.

[Fixated]

Originally Posted by autotelica

You don't have to give yours a break if you truly feel she's treating you in a perfunctory, non-caring way. But I would try to, if you've got it in you to give.

Just think. If you've got a popular therapist, that must mean she knows what she's doing, right? Wouldn't it creep you out if your therapist couldn't drum up any business and she was just holding on to you because you're her bread and butter?

If I'm honest, she's not treating me in an uncaring manner, but I also don't think she's being or has ever been particularly caring. I don't think I want to give her a break. It irks me that she didn't even say sorry for the phone going off when I had a whole crazy episode last year related to outside sounds making the room feel unsafe.

[Miswimmy1]

she probably has a lot of clients, and is juggling all of them. just because she misses a date or two, or has a "brain fart" doesn't mean that she doesn't care. maybe she had something going on (bad night sleep last night, stressed about a personal issue, trouble with another client, etc)? Anything could have accounted for her lack of focus today. Everyone slips up. and t cant be perfect. no human is.

If its a bother, i would talk to her about it. there may be a good reason why she was off her game today. I know when I feel like t isn't "there", i always bring it up to her. she has asked me to bring it up if i feel that way. and then we talk about it. and never has it not been a legit reason.

I'm sorry you feel like this. but I think your t really does care about you. today was just an off day... that happens.

[Fixated]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

Fix she could be going through soemthing in her personal life. im sure its not you.

Yes. I do wonder if that could be it. She has made a few mistakes like this but never so many in such a short period. She is usually ultra-professional.

[Fixated]

Originally Posted by healed84

This bothers me sometimes too.. Then, I think.. it doesn't matter b/c when I am with my T, even if his cell accidently goes off, or he gets a detail of my story messed up with somebody else's b/c it is bound to happen.. He is MY t for that hour.. And MY t when I e-mail, call, or text him. He focusing on me at those times.

I am sorry, but I have trouble understanding this. I still equate caring with being special. There has to be something about me in particular for someone to care about me, and I have to be treated special to know someone cares (and vice-versa). T says I need to work on this (we are trying).

[Fixated]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

If its a bother, i would talk to her about it. there may be a good reason why she was off her game today. I know when I feel like t isn't "there", i always bring it up to her. she has asked me to bring it up if i feel that way. and then we talk about it. and never has it not been a legit reason.

I'm sorry you feel like this. but I think your t really does care about you. today was just an off day... that happens.

This would have been a good day to bring it us as I usually struggle to explain to her when she seems to be acting differently. I just feel like she always dismisses my claims as unfounded even if it were something like this which is concrete.

[Fixated]

Originally Posted by TheWell

Sounds like you are trying to push away. Fear of closeness? I know I have it.

I do want her as far away as possible. She's been getting way too close these last few weeks, but the things that happened today still happened, and I think that had nothing to do with my desire to push T off a cliff (emotionally).

[autotelica]

Originally Posted by Fixated

I am sorry, but I have trouble understanding this. I still equate caring with being special. There has to be something about me in particular for someone to care about me, and I have to be treated special to know someone cares (and vice-versa). T says I need to work on this (we are trying).

What would be a way for your to therapist to show she cares for you "specially" that wouldn't simultaneously make you afraid of her getting too close to you?

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by Fixated

This would have been a good day to bring it us as I usually struggle to explain to her when she seems to be acting differently. I just feel like she always dismisses my claims as unfounded even if it were something like this which is concrete.

I don't think she means to be dismissive. But I know what u mean. I've had this issue with my t as well. And I brought it up to hurt. I felt bad about it, but I told her how I felt. And she understood. It's worth a shot bringing it up isn't it? Maybe it would help u to email it to her? Or at least write it down and bring to session as a prompt?

Originally Posted by Fixated

I do want her as far away as possible. She's been getting way too close these last few weeks, but the things that happened today still happened, and I think that had nothing to do with my desire to push T off a cliff (emotionally).

But perhaps your a bit inflated reaction to some rather minor things today DOES have to do with your desire to distance yourself from her. It works as a good "justification" for putting up that barrier perhaps?

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by Fixated

that Ts actually give a s.hit about us as real people and not just numbers?

They do give a s h i t about us, simply because we are the client. I have clients I love, and clients I detest...but I want to serve them all to the best of my ability.

T's aren't our parents, our s.o., or our bff. It's a paid for relationship. They are required to listen and interpret for one hour sessions, and then refocus on another client the next hour. We are special in that our story, needs, and goals are unique, but our relationship with t is one sided. A true relationship requires that it be about both parties equally.

[Fixated]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

They do give a s h i t about us, simply because we are the client. I have clients I love, and clients I detest...but I want to serve them all to the best of my ability.

T's aren't our parents, our s.o., or our bff. It's a paid for relationship. They are required to listen and interpret for one hour sessions, and then refocus on another client the next hour. We are special in that our story, needs, and goals are unique, but our relationship with t is one sided. A true relationship requires that it be about both parties equally.

Ugh...I know. This is a big dilemma for me (as well as many others, I'm sure). Part of me soooo gets that it is professional, a business. But I feel like to really open up and trust, there needs to be a personal aspect to it. Sometimes the needy kid in me wishes she were my mom or friend, but this is outside of that, I think. I don't think being an only child helps this. I've never had multiple things to care about at the same time. I don't get that you can care about so many people. I've never had clients.

[Fixated]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

But perhaps your a bit inflated reaction to some rather minor things today DOES have to do with your desire to distance yourself from her. It works as a good "justification" for putting up that barrier perhaps?

I guess. I'm not going to lie by denying that I just want to be angry at my T right now....for her to be bad.

[Fixated]

Originally Posted by autotelica

What would be a way for your to therapist to show she cares for you "specially" that wouldn't simultaneously make you afraid of her getting too close to you?

Million dollar question. Idk if you've seen my previous threads, but I recently went on a 5 month trip. T said I could e-mail her while I was away. Various things happened, and I got the impression this was special to me. This was VERY meaningful to me, but it did also scare me to death. BUT...I worked very, very hard while I was away to trust that she cared, to let myself admit that it mattered to me one way or the other, and to admit I cared.

I found out a few weeks ago that I had misunderstood her. It was something she'd done with other clients. She doesn't believe in doing something special to show that you care. But I did all that work because I thought she's gone out on this limb. It still scared me, but I pushed through.

[autotelica]

Originally Posted by Fixated

Million dollar question. Idk if you've seen my previous threads, but I recently went on a 5 month trip. T said I could e-mail her while I was away. Various things happened, and I got the impression this was special to me. This was VERY meaningful to me, but it did also scare me to death. BUT...I worked very, very hard while I was away to trust that she cared, to let myself admit that it mattered to me one way or the other, and to admit I cared.

I found out a few weeks ago that I had misunderstood her. It was something she'd done with other clients. She doesn't believe in doing something special to show that you care. But I did all that work because I thought she's gone out on this limb. It still scared me, but I pushed through.

Let's say your therapist brought you a small gift at your next session. Something that screamed "you"...and that only someone who really knows you would see.

How would that make you feel?