ways to communicate with therapist

Wow this doesn't sound like it's an issue with how you present it, it sounds like you've done as much possible. I wonder about a combined effort of saying "I've tried this, this and this (like you did here) to try to get you to understand, and still feel incredibly unheard right now, how else can I get through to you what I need??" Can you say "When I talk to someone else (not saying necessarily another T) they are able to understand by us going through and rephrasing back and forth, is that something that would help you?"

I don't know... She may just not get it. I've been there with a T before too and I couldn't stand it so I switched pretty quickly. In other situations I've tried writing an email, bringing a very concrete "agenda", doing stories about it, poems, showed IM's back and forth between myself and friends that I talk with who get it, used images to show emotional impact, etc.

IN my experience with Ts its them saying its my way or the highway :P

I know I constantly say "What do you mean?", "What is that?", "huh?", and "I don't understand." After a bit of that we brake out the paper and draw / write until we're both on the same page. Have you tried that?

Do you two speak in short sentences and very short paragraphs? It's like teaching something difficult to someone who doesn't necessarily have the skillset to grasp more complex stuff or is operating at a different cognitive level.

Although my T and I seem to have little difficulty understanding each other, I have learned how to simplify my language in communicating with people whose 1st language is not English. Maybe you could try that with your T.

My T and I are usually very much on the same wavelength, but I will often check with her and ask if I'm making sense and if she understands what I'm trying to convey.

When T is talking to me, she will ask me what I heard and if I heard something different than what she said, we'll work back through it.

Can you tell T that you feel like you are missing each other in communicating, and ask her what might help her to understand what you are trying to tell her? Then, maybe give some suggestions on how she could communicate more clearly to you? You can try all the tricks in the world, but the only way you'll know what will be most effective is to ask T. Unfortunately, I think, sometimes, people choose not to understand, and no matter how hard you try, communication will be a challenge.

That did not work. I tried it first. And not just once or twice but for months. If it had worked to tell her and give her examples of what I wanted, I would not have had to try the other methods. I have tried telling her both I don't understand her and that I don't see that she hears me. I have tried mirroring back, I have tried written and oral examples of what would help me. I have tried bullet points, and so forth. I don't get how two people who both presumably make their living off of communicating, can be this bad at it.

Anyway. Thanks everyone. I appreciate the input.

if communicating isn't working for you, why still see her? is T2 helping you?

I seem to have some insane thing with the first one and I get really sad when I quit plus it really pisses me off that I am not understood by her and I don't want to fail. And although the second one hears me and so forth, when the second one is gone or whatever, I don't miss her her or think much about the whole situation.

SD .... I'm at a loss....does she not understand anything you say or is this specific to certain topics?

I don't mean she is a complete half witted yokel. We can discuss things that do not matter without calamity. . So if we talk about our respective pets for example, no problem.(I mean my pets matter to me a great deal - but nothing about them is that big of a deal with a therapist).

so its all process related speak or connection between your thoughts and feelings and her response to them don't seem to jive and she cannot explain how she made a correlation?

I think so - if I understand what you are saying. I don't feel heard when I talk about feelings, I don't think she has ever said anything insightful or useful back when I do understand her, she won't explain how what she says relates to what I have said when I am confused and much more. She just says she does not know either. It is sometimes like I am talking about baseball in english and she is talking about lichen in sanskrit. And when I ask her what lichen has to do with baseball - she says she does not know and when I ask her to translate the sanskrit she says she can't.

I guess I don't understand why you are hanging in there on this. It doesn't seem to be accomplishing anything for you, but you seem determined to keep seeing her because it makes you feel bad when you quit. Therapy is supposed to be about self improvement, and this seems to be just a total frustration for you. It sounds like the other T at least "gets you" to a certain degree, and you can tolerate the sessions ... most of the time. So progress is at least possible. Whatever the disconnect is between you and this T, I'm wondering why you continue when it just seems like a total frustration. Maybe this T is just not a good match for you? No blame one way or the other, just not a situation that is going to get you anywhere.

Sometimes the dynamic between two people just doesn't work, and it's time to move on. Is this an option?

What would it take from her for you to feel heard?