[AngelWolf3]

yesterday in session I was talking to my T about how angry I get with myself. I don't know but I guess she saw my body language (wasn't making eye contact), or heard something in my voice, but she asked what I do when I get angry with myself. And I knew exactly what she was referring to. I couldn't bring myself to tell her. I got really embarrassed and quiet, because I was not expecting that question.

Of course then I second guess myself thinking, did I open up that door on purpose? (which I so wasn't)

So my question is, did any of you have trouble telling your T about not-so-great coping mechanisms? I don't want her to think I am doing it for attention, and so by sharing, I am afraid that is exactly what she would think.

She said it was ok for me not to tell her right then, but she wanted me to when I was ready. Will I just know when that is? And any tips for how to do it if I do decide to tell her?

Thank you for any responses...

Why couldn't you tell t? Were you embarrassed? I don't think your t thinks you would be doing it for attention or you would have told her straight away! Hugs wolf maybe you. Can trust t next time!

[sconnie892]

Wolfin' - I think I understand what you are saying. You don't want your t to know about your coping mechanisms in case you use them in a session or t thinks you are attention seeking from t?

I was that way telling my t about the si I did many years ago. It was for attention getting and I was afraid if I told her she would think my si now was for the same reason: to get her attention. I told her anyway. It was tough. I notice she will never dwell on the topic if its brought up, but I guess that can be common among t's.

[WePow]

We do have difficulty sharing at times. The coping is such a good tool and we keep our tools very secret so no one can take them from us.

[Anne2.0]

First of all, I don't think that wanting attention is such a bad thing, it's very human, and I don't know that this motivation applies when one is speaking the truth. If you want attention so bad you make up stuff, that's another issue.

I have found over many years in T that telling the truth sooner rather than later is much better, it leads to earlier healing and it avoids the inevitable problems of avoiding. But I also understand that telling is in part about giving up your power (you give information away, you reduce your own power) and you have to be ready and the telling has to feel within your control. For me, usually one pass where it's obvious to him and me that I'm not telling right now is usually enough for me to feel enough in control to bring it up the next time or two.

[noodlzzz]

You could always write it down and give it to her rather than tell her directly, it might make it a bit easier.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Wolfin3

yesterday in session I was talking to my T about how angry I get with myself. I don't know but I guess she saw my body language (wasn't making eye contact), or heard something in my voice, but she asked what I do when I get angry with myself. And I knew exactly what she was referring to. I couldn't bring myself to tell her. I got really embarrassed and quiet, because I was not expecting that question.

Of course then I second guess myself thinking, did I open up that door on purpose? (which I so wasn't)

So my question is, did any of you have trouble telling your T about not-so-great coping mechanisms? I don't want her to think I am doing it for attention, and so by sharing, I am afraid that is exactly what she would think.

She said it was ok for me not to tell her right then, but she wanted me to when I was ready. Will I just know when that is? And any tips for how to do it if I do decide to tell her?

Thank you for any responses...

yes I tell my treatment providers when I feel like self injuring myself. they cant help me find new ways to cope if I dont tell them.

yes you will know when the time is right for you to tell your treatment providers. its one of those things where you just know its ok to say something. kind of like if you wanted a friend or family member to know something about you, you get the feeling that this friend will understand and you can trust them with that info about you.

tips everyone tells their treatment providers things in how ever they feel is right for them..

I told my therapist one day just blurted it out...Im so mad I want to punch a wall like I did when... another time I called her up and said "i need you to meet me at the ER I just... and I dont want to be hospitalized I just need stitches and someone to talk to like right now..."

I have had client write notes to me, call me, act out right in front of me, suddenly show me their bruise or cut...

when the time is right you will know and how you tell them will be how ever you are most comfortable at that moment doing.

[SoupDragon]

In 2.5 years my unhelpful coping strategies have never been discussed, only named.

It is good your T is saying to tell her when you feel ready - just trust that you will know when that is.

Soup

Yes I have told her and she empathises but doesn't get drawn into it.

[EeyoreSmile]

[QUOTE=Wolfin3;2635462]

So my question is, did any of you have trouble telling your T about not-so-great coping mechanisms? I don't want her to think I am doing it for attention, and so by sharing, I am afraid that is exactly what she would think.

She said it was ok for me not to tell her right then, but she wanted me to when I was ready. Will I just know when that is? And any tips for how to do it if I do decide to tell her?

Thank you for any responses...[/QUOTE

I honestly didn't know that I did si, because I don't do obvious stuff, but I realized one day in therapy that i was pinching myself under my blanket and I told her I was doing it.. and that made me realize that I pick my scabs or I'll dig my nails in my skin just to feel the pressure. And I just told her it all, so we can come up with other things for me to do with my hands or to do to help me calm down... Some of it was really embarrassing to me, because I felt like I was bring in new neurosis every week for us to work through... but I've spent weeks making sure that my t would not say things that make me feel bad or ashamed.. So she just listened and asked a question or two and we kept it moving... I haven't picked a scab all week.

For me it was figuring out the easiest part to say.. and just starting with that... and not thinking about saying every detail about everything.. and also knowing that I can say.."...but I don't want to talk about that" after anything LOL

Good luck. You're not alone.

[skeksi]

I found that once I started sharing with T about having used the not-so-great coping mechanisms, the desire to do so lessened a lot. When I wanted to do those things, I thought about sharing that with T...and I felt better. Not great, but not in so much pain. The connection to him began to be as much of a support as the coping mechanism.

I still want to use it, sometimes, but I get now that it's an urge--and it will, eventually, pass.

When you feel the burden of the secret is too much, you'll share. It's hard but it sounds like your T will be quite compassionate. It won't shock or revolt her. She'll feel bad that you're in such pain.