[WikidPissah]

How long do you think you should give a new therapist before you decide whether or not it's going to work? (given there is not immediate repulsion)

How about a new type of therapy or approach? How many weeks before you have actually "given it a chance"?

I think it's a subjective question. We all have different areas where we need trust to be. For some it can be quick others it takes longer. If someone here were to give you a figure you could give up on an expereince that could actually be good for you. Go with your gut.

[WikidPissah]

Well, yea...there's that. But experience tells me that my gut is not usually so helpful.

I kind of went into this kicking and screaming (so to speak). I want to walk away saying that I genuinely gave it a chance.

Then do that. Isn't that your gut talking? Sometimes we do things and regret it. But that's part of our journey too.

[2or3things]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

I want to walk away saying that I genuinely gave it a chance.

I dunno. I sort of feel like "If you have to ask, you're not there yet." Of course, I guess that's just another form of trusting your gut. Still, I feel like you'll know when it's hopeless, or even just not right.

I get it, and it's rough, I know. I do hope this helps in some small way.

[Sannah]

Some people want to run, though, and they are running away from something good.

[WikidPissah]

My history is to go with the first t I meet, stick with it even though I know it won't work and then after 2 years finally come to my senses and move on.

It makes me sick to think that I have to keep searching for a t.
It makes me sick to think that I am going to do this for 2 years.

[granite1]

i left my last T after about 6 sessions i just didn't click at all .i just thought he was strange. i so totally get it wiki but before you make this decision talk to her about it if you can. i know it is hard to do that and i ended out telling that T that i think i needed a break and i never went back.it worked out ok for me .

[stopdog]

Wikid - I have a couple of questions:
Are you still seeing frau T too? If so, could you discuss this new therapist/therapy with her to help determine ways to decide if it is helping or has potential to help or not?
2. Is there something specific that you are not liking or is it just general this is different/odd/useless sounding?

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Wikid - I have a couple of questions:
Are you still seeing frau T too? If so, could you discuss this new therapist/therapy with her to help determine ways to decide if it is helping or has potential to help or not?
2. Is there something specific that you are not liking or is it just general this is different/odd/useless sounding?

1) No, Frau referred me to this woman. I wish I could see both, but that's not possible right now. I do want to call the Frau and ask her for another name, but I want to have given it a fair chance first.
2) I don't think this type of therapy will be at all helpful, and it feels totally useless. Plus, she asked me if I knew what "interject" meant. WTF? I would rather have a more practical advice/viewpoint. I need help NOW, in current life situations.

[stopdog]

Could you get another name from frau t and try that one a couple of times and compare? I think maybe a way to start is to think of it like non-exclusive dating - you can try out a couple or few and compare and then decide to go steady after playing the field some.

Wikid, I saw one woman therapist and one female pdoc. I could tell immediately the pdoc and I were not going to get along at all, but I kept going (she kept asking me questions that insulted my intelligence and checking to be sure I was oriented X3 EVERY TIME). I just wanted to scream at her, "I'M DEPRESSED, NOT STUPID OR OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY YOU STUPID *****." One would think that would have been an indicator to me to change doctors, but nooooooo, I kept going. With the female therapist, things seemed to go okay, but I was just uncomfortable with her, for about three months until she used something I had said against me, twisted it completely. And then YELLED at me for telling my husband I was so suicidally depressed I could not get through the day without breaking it into parts mentally -- I will not kill myself before the kids go to school. I will not kill myself before I go to work, etc.

My point, in both cases, is that I suffered with discomfort in both relationships until something happened that I could point to as a valid reason why I needed out and had to change mental health care providers. There is a middle ground somewhere between what you did, and what I did, in continuing to tolerate a relationship that clearly doesn't work for us, and in just walking away without trying.

How many times have you been to see this T? Do you feel like she was disrespectful in asking you if you knew what interject meant? [that would PISS ME OFF.] If you don't feel heard and respected early on, that is a bad indicator for the future relationship, in my opinion. I know the thought of searching again is horrible, but really, all of the studies I have seen have shown that the BEST indicator of whether therapy will be helpful is the quality of the therapist/client relationship.

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

How many times have you been to see this T? Do you feel like she was disrespectful in asking you if you knew what interject meant? [that would PISS ME OFF.] If you don't feel heard and respected early on, that is a bad indicator for the future relationship, in my opinion. I know the thought of searching again is horrible, but really, all of the studies I have seen have shown that the BEST indicator of whether therapy will be helpful is the quality of the therapist/client relationship.

I have seen her 4 times, and the "interject" question did indeed piss me off. I do not like being talked down to. She doesn't like it when I question her methods either. And she won't talk about some major current situations that I need help with, she only wants to talk with "my parts".
FYI...it's IFS or Parts Therapy. I have dubbed it ********ery in honor of Stopdog.

[2or3things]

Just a point of clarification...was she asking if you know what "interject" means, or "introject?"

If it was the former, she sounds a bit douchy. If it was the latter, I think it's a completely reasonable question.

Unless you are actually dissociative, I think parts therapy is total ********ery. [should that have two t's? ********tery? It's OUR word so I think we get to decide. I am voting for two t's.] I would ask for another referral. Disrespect for you and your questions is NOT acceptable.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

I have seen her 4 times, and the "interject" question did indeed piss me off. I do not like being talked down to. She doesn't like it when I question her methods either. And she won't talk about some major current situations that I need help with, she only wants to talk with "my parts".
FYI...it's IFS or Parts Therapy. I have dubbed it ********ery in honor of Stopdog.

if she is unwilling to bend her style to fit you better or meet you in the middle then maybe you should try to get some other names from your t

[murray]

This is such a tough question for me. Sadly I've found that my gut doesn't always lead me in the right direction. With my T, for probably 6 months it was horrible. We butted heads, I wanted to quit most of the time and then something happened and things finally clicked with us and it is such a helpful relationship now. I have found for me that for some reason the relationships that start of being very frustrating and uncomfortable end up being the best ones. It is almost as if I can somehow sense that this person could really get to me and I feel unsafe and so it is turbulent initially. The ones where there is no issue from the start seem to always be fine but nothing ever really develops on a deeper level. Sorry if this doesn't make any sense at all, my brain isn't functioning well right now but I just wanted to say that sometimes it can be beneficial to give it some time. So hard to know though.

[WikidPissah]

um...I would have written introject had it been that.
(Does the whole world think I am an idiot?)

I just left a voice mail for the Frau.

[2or3things]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

um...I would have written introject had it been that.
(Does the whole world think I am an idiot?)

Yikes! I didn't mean to offend. Typos just happen sometimes and I couldn't imagine why she'd ask you what "interject" meant. "Introject" is just an obvious therapy topic, so I thought maybe I was misunderstanding.

Sorry.

[Gadgetsmile]

I think it's a hard one to answer.
I have had 5 t's in my time. The only 2 I didn't like were P and J.
P tried to tell me what I have been through is no more traumatic then a husband losing his wife of 50 years, or a firefighter who can't save someone. He also said that his gf went through something similar. I walked out.. It was the third session
J did not get me or my way of coping. It was only 16 sessions (limited due to funding), so I just got off my chest what I needed to and my suspicions were confirmed that she had no idea what she was on about from her discharge letter.

So I suppose it is a question only you can answer. If your t doesn't get you or talks down to you then I wouldn't put up with it. It is a waste of your time. You are better off spending the time looking for someone you can connect with. With two t's I connected at around 6-8 sessions. I 'test' them a little to begin with then I know if I should go ahead or not.

I hope you figure things out.

Hang in there

[WikidPissah]

2 or 3...no, I'm sorry. I am really hypersensitive these days.

OH...and TWO T's it is! ********tery. Yes, that looks better!

[WikidPissah]

(((Granite))) I did call her. I think she is going to tell me to meet with her again and talk it thru. Grrrr. I hate confronting people.

[Gadgetsmile]

Definitely with you on the two ts in ********tery! Just looks better

I've had a few that I only saw about 3 or 4 times before I went with my gut and got the heck out of dodge. There wasn't any blatant problem with them. It was just that sense that they weren't going to be helpful to me at all. Their style/approach was a turn-off and I found myself just generally not caring for them as people too much. Probably just a personality preference thing more than anything, but with the T's that I have stuck with long-term, I knew almost immediately that they were a good "fit" for me and my instinct was correct.

I think if your not buying into the type of therapy and she wont answer questions about it, then its all smoke and mirrors and you need to get out of there. Questioning my intelligence would tick me off too, sounds like this isn't a match. Tell Frau T you want someone along the lines of her, talk therapy no new age mumbo jumbo ********tery, just therapy, someone who can roll with the tide and stop trying to pigeon hole all your stuff. Its your money... you should have asked, do you know what the word patronize means? A Hole... Your perfect T is out there and I believe Frau T can help... this parts lady is not your cup of tea , so quit trying to drink it!