[Miswimmy1]

What are you guys' thoughts on countertransferance? If a t has their own transferance toward a patient, then realizes it and totally changes demeanor, how is that fair to the patient? What is the patient supposed to do? They were led to think one way, and then it all changes. How would one go about dealing with that? I dont know if i make any sense, but it was brought up in a post, and I was curious.

[SoupDragon]

I think the best thing would be for the T to share it I guess. But failing that I would think the best thing would be for you to say to T that you have noticed a change.

I think the T should admit their mistakes based on their own issues, which caused the counter-transference and then try to move past it with the client , if both were willing. As clients we are expected to be open and honest about everything we FEEL and so should they.

If a T is a good t they will recognise their own counter transference and work through it before it spills out onto the clients sessions. My T1 had her own issues and everything I said she would challenge and make me feel giulty for everything it just came to the point where I was afraid to say anything to her and I didn't I just sat there afraid to talk and I was thinking she is stressed out.
Maybe I should have brought this up with her but I couldnt because she would have turned into a fire breathing T and turned me into a ball of flames.
Are you having problems with your t and her counter transference misswimmy?

[sunrise]

A couple of times my T has told me when he is having countertransference. Saying it outloud has a way of disarming it. That way it is out on the table and I know if my T is struggling momentarily with his own issues. For example, when I was going through my divorce, T listened to my description of something that happened recently with my husband and was silent a while and then shared that he was struggling not to say something to me that was based on his own past situation in his marriage/divorce rather than on mine. He was reminding himself that he was not me and that my marriage was not like his had been. It was fine. I appreciated his honesty. It did no harm. I think what it is harmful is when a T doesn't realize they are having countertransference and proceeds willy nilly through the session as if it is about the client when it's not.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

I think the T should admit their mistakes based on their own issues, which caused the counter-transference and then try to move past it with the client , if both were willing. As clients we are expected to be open and honest about everything we FEEL and so should they.

heck, a lot of folks on PC seem to have therapists who have trouble just admitting their mistakes, let alone the rest of it...

Lola I don't fault your opinion (and to an extent, I share it) but I have to doubt that a T would be forthcoming about his/her countertransference.

I expect and need my T to be honest with me, and I really believe she is, but as far as being open about everything she feels, well that's a really different story. I bet she doesn't tell me .002 of what she thinks/feels in that room.

and then there's the old blank slate, and all that, don't y'know.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Countertransference happens. It got to a point years ago that I finally said to my T, "I've looked inward and thought of everything, and I don't think our ruptures about neediness right now are totally coming from me. I feel like you can't stand my neediness because this triggers you, but you want to but can't control it." He said that it was true, that he had issues with his mother. It was really healing when we would have a rupture and he would own his part if he had a part. It helped me learn to mentalize or try to see myself through the eyes of another. It helped me learn that arguments are usually two-sided, with both parties issues being involved.

That being said, he did tell me he was having transference during our termination. I think his countertransferece was the worst it had ever been. Things got pretty intense, and I was disoriented for most of it. So, that was not helpful. I'm glad he told me so I know, but it was so terrifying I'm sure my stuff was flying around also.
He told me he had to set more boundaries so he could continue to work with me. He was inconsistent. I was escalating. God was that painful. It still is. I still care about him.

So, to answer your question, no, it's not healthy for a patient to have sessions with a therapist who is experiencing countertransference that is out of control. In fact, it can be majorly damaging.

I didn't go about changing anything because I was too disoriented over the summer and totally didn't understand, or didn't want to understand, what was going on. I still don't fully get it. I was still dependent on him, though, and I still somehow idealized him because he could make me feel safe, so I turned the anger/hatred inward to try to preserve the relationship. However, that failed miserably. That being said, I am better than I was even a week or so ago. Progress

BTW, why is it that therapist get to have countertransference, that they always have a reaction to us? When they come in with their own stuff, isn't it just plain transference? Just wondering.

Thanks for the great question and letting me tell my story for the ten billionth time. I appreciate you lots

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

heck, a lot of folks on PC seem to have therapists who have trouble just admitting their mistakes, let alone the rest of it...

Lola I don't fault your opinion (and to an extent, I share it) but I have to doubt that a T would be forthcoming about his/her countertransference.

I expect and need my T to be honest with me, and I really believe she is, but as far as being open about everything she feels, well that's a really different story. I bet she doesn't tell me .002 of what she thinks/feels in that room

and then there's the old blank slate, and all that, don't y'know.

I don't know if its because my T is younger and not blank slate or if I'm just really direct or what, but my T and I do discuss his countertransference and feelings and he also admits his mistakes . I feel like he is very honest with me... sometimes I don't wanna hear it but I appreciate it.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

Lola I don't fault your opinion (and to an extent, I share it) but I have to doubt that a T would be forthcoming about his/her countertransference.

My T owns up. It is helpful.

I wrote my T about how hard it was for me to bring up topics like attachment and transference, and asked her if she usually discussed these topics with clients. She said no, that it might 'scare' them... so, I doubt she'd talk about countertransference... not without being prompted, anyway. And even then...

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

heck, a lot of folks on PC seem to have therapists who have trouble just admitting their mistakes, let alone the rest of it...

Lola I don't fault your opinion (and to an extent, I share it) but I have to doubt that a T would be forthcoming about his/her countertransference.

I expect and need my T to be honest with me, and I really believe she is, but as far as being open about everything she feels, well that's a really different story. I bet she doesn't tell me .002 of what she thinks/feels in that room.

Ain't this the truth!

My T is really amazing most of the time about owning his own stuff. I was trying to discuss with him how incredibly difficult it is to discuss certain topics with him, and why I thought going back to my previous therapist would be helpful. He just told me that he was having trouble keeping his feelings for me 'out of the room,' and stopped for a second, took a deep breath and then said he cared so much about me that he didn't want me to be in pain for even one more minute than necessary. So, if I thought that going back to my previous therapist would be helpful, he was on board with that.

A couple of other times, as well, he has admitted his feelings about something I've said, or about me, has colored his response. Sometimes, he is pretty adamant that it's not something about him (when I know that it is), but he generally admits it eventually. And I find that tremendously helpful and healing.

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

I expect and need my T to be honest with me, and I really believe she is, but as far as being open about everything she feels, well that's a really different story. I bet she doesn't tell me .002 of what she thinks/feels in that room.

and then there's the old blank slate, and all that, don't y'know.

No kiddin' there. My t gets this specific look on her face sometimes and I just cannot read it, it's sorta like a combination smile and a sh_t eatin' grin like she's thinking "i have a secret neenerneenerneener" and I always ask her "What?? What are you thinking?" when she gets that look and of course she always plays little miss innocent and says "I wasn't thinking anything." Yeah right T, try again!!

Next time I see that look, I swear I am going to move my glasses down my nose and give her my best looking-over-the-frames-with-raised-eyebrows blink!!!

[QuietCat]

My T has been a T for so many years now, I think he's perfected the art of blank slate. I have no idea if he has any countertransferance at all. I like to imagine he has some. He used to say things like, "When I was thinking about you this past weekend..." or "I worry about you if you keep on this path." Or my favorite, "You just need someone to tell you you're precious."

But that's all I've gotten out of him. And even with that I just assume he says that stuff to his other patients too, so I must not be all that special to him.