Is this something I should tell T?

I already posted about this in the eating disorder forum but I have a sort of follow-up question I want to ask here.

So yesterday, I tried to purge for the first time. I don't think it had anything to do with wieght loss; I think the urge stemmed from wanting to replace my old SI behaviour (cutting). I wasn't successful in my purging attempt and I never want to try it again. It was a horrible experience. Anyway, what I want to ask is: should I tell T? I know the obvious answer is yes but I am so ashamed. I also think that if I am never going to do it again what is the harm in pretending it never happened? What should I do?

Be honest with your T. The benefit will be that it is "out" there and and discussed and processed and less likely to be tried again. I know you say you don't ever want to try again, but as long as you keep it a secret I would think it would be easier to "rationalize" doing it again than if you've really processed the whole incident.

Definately tell her. The more info she has about you, the more equipped she is at helping you... Pretending it never happened is almost like supressing the memory/emotions/etc.

Been right there with you!!! Yes! Let T know what happened. The root behind the issue is what is important. Until a root is identified and worked through, a person will just replace one coping mechanism with another.

Thanks everyone for the replies! I really don't think I can tell her though... I just don't T to be disappointed in me. I feel much better now anyway so I keep thinking I don't need to mention it. Ah, not looking forward to Tuesday ( that's when my next session is).

She won't be disappointed in you. This is the kind of thing therapists need to hear about so they can help us. I completely understand not wanting to though...whenever I've had to admit something I've felt ashamed, but not once has my t been anything but understanding.

Of course the right rational thing would be to discuss it with T (I've come to the conclusion myself, that when I ask that question, it is always something that I should discuss with T), but I also know how very hard it can be.

I know my T always reinforces to be interested in myself rather than getting caught up in the thoughts and feelings - so it you feel unable to share this with T at the moment, maybe just do a little internal enquiry of the thought and feelings associated with telling T rather than the purging itself.

My session is Tuesday too - so will think of you and send some best wishes over for you.

Soup

Like you said yes, you should tell T. It's always hard to tell T when you've "slipped" but T needs to know you're "slipping" to help you not "fall". Even if you feel better now T can make sure your not slowly sinking and help you find better ways to deal.

one time does not an eating disorder make. i think youre safe.

I know that. That's not really what I am worried about. As I said, for me I think this behavior falls under SI which worries me as it something I have been trying hard to stop. So, do you think it is unnecessary to mention it to my T? Thanks for your reply

I really believe that the more honest I am with my T, the more he can help me. Even when that means I have to tell him something embarassing, or that I'm ashamed about, or that I'd rather keep a secret.

Secrets keep us sick.

I am the queen of replacing one bad coping skill with another...as long as I am doing that, the underlying issues are still there, and that's what I need help with.

I hope you'll tell her, even though it's scary.

I dont think the behavior in itself is a problem, but I think the fact that you are looking for SI alternatives that are equally as harmful is in fact something your T needs to know.

But could be the pot calling the kettle black, bc I DO SI and purge, and I haven't told my T about the purging (she thinks I stopped.)

But I do think I should tell her. I just havent gotten around to it yet.

Every eating disorder starts with a first time. Wouldn't it be better to talk to your T about it now, to prevent any further development?

If that's too difficult, I find that talking about how difficult something is to talk about can be very useful.

Thank you everyone for the support! I just found out that my T has broken her ankle so I won't be seeing her tomorrow In fact, I won't be seeing her for another two weeks which means it will have been a whole month between my last session and my next one. Ah, how will I survive!?

Yes, you will survive!

I am sorry that you have an unscheduled break. I do think you will survive, and I hope that you lean on us here when you need to. To answer you original question I think you should tell your T if you can. Maybe you can get some healthier coping mechanisms. I will say for at least me, as someone who does both SI and purging, one does not replace the other. In fact I typically do both on the same days. It's like one feeds into the other now.

Yeah, I know I will survive; I guess I was just being melodramatic. I just really hate these unexpected cancelations because I literally count down the days between T appointments. I feel kind of bad complaining about it because it is not as though T planned on breaking her ankle, I mean it is an even bigger inconvenience for her than it is for me.

I understand what you mean.