[franki_j]

So I recently graduated and started a new job and don't have money like I did before, so last month my mom and I came to an agreement that she would pay my T bill. This is the second month of hte agreement, and on Tuesday I went to T and she said that my mom's check was only for 200 instead of 450. I thought it was a mistake so after I left session I called my mom and she said it was on purpose and she would pay the 250 the following week. I freaked out and called my T who said it was OK and she was willing to work with me and my mom in terms of timing payment to her with when insurance money comes in, etc.
But I feel so bad about it. I feel like T will not want to see me anymore because the money might come later or not in one lump sum, and it was so unpleasant for money to be bought up in our session because it just reiterates the fact that I am paying her, yet I feel so strongly towards her. And also, at first I thought that maybe T had misread my mom's hand writing and so I asked to see the check and she pulled out a stack of like ten checks and found mine in it so I could see the check. But the fact that she had her stack of checks just reminds me that she has other clients who can afford to pay her in one lump sum and it makes me feel easily replaceable, and also it just makes me feel like another check. I am so anxious because I don't want to lose her, but I am scared I will because of hte change in payment. And also because I have started this new job my schedule has been kind of off, I had to reschedule twice already and I am scared that she will not want to work with me on that, even though she has assured me she is willing to be flexible and committed to working with me. I've already sent her like three emails, one of which I was drunk and couldn't type, about the situation. She only responds when I ask her specifically to respond, and when she did respond she told me not to feel bad, but I do. It just reiterates the fact that I can only see her if I pay. And makes me feel bad.

Originally Posted by franki_j

So I recently graduated and started a new job and don't have money like I did before, so last month my mom and I came to an agreement that she would pay my T bill. This is the second month of hte agreement, and on Tuesday I went to T and she said that my mom's check was only for 200 instead of 450. I thought it was a mistake so after I left session I called my mom and she said it was on purpose and she would pay the 250 the following week. I freaked out and called my T who said it was OK and she was willing to work with me and my mom in terms of timing payment to her with when insurance money comes in, etc.
But I feel so bad about it. I feel like T will not want to see me anymore because the money might come later or not in one lump sum, and it was so unpleasant for money to be bought up in our session because it just reiterates the fact that I am paying her, yet I feel so strongly towards her. And also, at first I thought that maybe T had misread my mom's hand writing and so I asked to see the check and she pulled out a stack of like ten checks and found mine in it so I could see the check. But the fact that she had her stack of checks just reminds me that she has other clients who can afford to pay her in one lump sum and it makes me feel easily replaceable, and also it just makes me feel like another check. I am so anxious because I don't want to lose her, but I am scared I will because of hte change in payment. And also because I have started this new job my schedule has been kind of off, I had to reschedule twice already and I am scared that she will not want to work with me on that, even though she has assured me she is willing to be flexible and committed to working with me. I've already sent her like three emails, one of which I was drunk and couldn't type, about the situation. She only responds when I ask her specifically to respond, and when she did respond she told me not to feel bad, but I do. It just reiterates the fact that I can only see her if I pay. And makes me feel bad.

im sorry you are feeling this way. but the fact is we pay for T'S TIME not their caring. she still cares about you which is why she is willing to work with you on the payments. its ok... relax. ::huggs::

[googley]

I've been in this situation multiple times with multiple Ts. The money and adjusting schedule and such. They have always been happy to work with me. You saw a lot of checks, but you don't know that they were all in one lump sum. She may have a payment plan for other clients too. I know when my parents paid for my T sessions (when I was a kid) it was really awkward to bring up money and my parent's forgetting to write a check for me to bring etc. But my T was flexible about it and understanding. I'm sure you and your T will be able to work it out.

[Wren_]

money issues are hard! I don't know a way around it please share this with your t if you can; I think from her willingness to work around the situation with your mums payment it shows a insight into her care for you and her willingness and desire to keep working with you

[franki_j]

Hi everyone, thanks for the responses. It is not just the money factor, however. It is also the fact that now my mom is involved in my therapy and in a way has control over it. So for example, when I called her and asked her why the check was only for 200, she got mad at my therapist and made it seem like all my T cared about was money because she bought up the fact that the check was for the wrong amount. Even though I don't agree with my mom on this, because T was clearly confused, I didn't like hearing my mom say these things about my T. And then she keeps threatening to call T if she has a problem, and that raises my anxiety level through the roof. I do not want my mom calling T, but I think that T made my mom look bad when she told me the check was for the wrong amount, even though my mom was actually the one being dishonest.
Anyways, I thought that having my mom pay my T bill would lessen my anxiety level, but instead it just shoots it through the roof. I truthfully think that I am just going to pay her myself and leave my mom out of it because I don't want her having anything to do with my therapy.

[mixedup_emotions]

I think that's a good idea....Perhaps have your mom help you directly with finances - whether it be for T or for some other expense. Putting the power in your moms hands, I'd imagine, would be incredibly stressful.

[sconnie892]

I agree with MUE - if your mom could give you money to you to pay your t, it might help. I am sure your t understands that you are adjusting to your new job and schedule changes are part of that adjustment.

[Eliza Jane]

My friend and I both had a similar situation in grad school. Both of our parents hassled us about it. My friend decided that she'd rather take on (significant) debt than deal with her parents. That worked for her.

I took a different approach. I ended up having a joint checking with my mom so that she could deposit money for me to write checks to my T. She griped about it, but I felt therapy was essential and I didn't want to take on the debt. Eventually, I was able to let my parents' comments about my therapist's greediness, ineffectiveness, etc. roll off my back. Honestly, my mom will still make the occasional comment about that "terrible T" I had in grad school (it has been over 5 yrs since I saw her).

Talk to your T about this, your relationship with your parents, and what would be best for your mental and financial health.

Good luck!
EJ

[Miswimmy1]

it sounds like you were really triggered by t. i dont blame you. is it possible for you to bring up how you are feeling at ur next session? i am sure that this has come up before for ur t, and it sounds like she is willing to work it out with you. i would tell you to relax, but i think it might help you to have t tell you directly, and that is why i am suggesting that you talk to her about it. i would hate for you to stress out about something that you dont have to. i think by talking to her about it, it will make the relationship between you closer, and also lessen the anxiety.

that being said, i think what the others have said about having ur mom give you money to pay ur t directly is a good idea. it would let her help you without giving her the reins, like you said urself. (sry i luv horses and horse metaphors haha).

[franki_j]

Thank guys. I just emailed my T and told her we would be switching back to the old system of me paying her (my mom helps me out financially anyways). I told her part of the reason was because I didn't like my mom making "snide remarks" about her which make me insecure about our relationship. I don't know if I should have told her this or not, but it's true, I think that the less my mom is involved in my therapy the better. I love my mom a lot, but I don't want her to be in control of my therapy.