[ShaggyChic_1201]

My hubby came to see my T with me and she skewered him. Accused him of being emotionally/sexually abusive, jeopardizing my recovery, being selfish etc. He is all those things, but I never expected her to say so. His reaction was what I expected: he was furious at us both (me for not defending him) and he demanded I quit therapy . I cannot imagine my life without her...but I cannot imagine how terrible my h can make it for me if I don't quit. What should I do?
Bub

Um, Bub, if he is all of those things, why are you still living with him? If you have no choice and feel trapped, your T was way out of line to confront him and potentially put you in danger. I know it feels good to have someone on your side (trust me I KNOW how amazing that feels the first time it ever happens), but she has no right to put you in danger.

[taylor43]

((((((((((((((Hugs))))

[unaluna]

yeah I am kinda freaked out too. I was gonna say so yesterday but was too chicken too. I mean, you always HOPE they will, but to actually do it? really? what was your T thinking? what are her credentials, is my next question. usually I think you get the client to a safe place, if need be, but to just poke the bear? idk. please let us know how you're doing.

I agree with the others, although it appears that T was trying to help I think she put you in jeopordy here. She was trying to be the hero but not having your best interests at heart.
Your T should have known she would aggrevate your husband and he would take all his rage out on you. I hope you are ok

[KazzaX]

If your hubby takes rage out on you, please call the police. That is not acceptable. You can't blame it on the therapist - "she made him take his rage out on me" - this is all on your hubby. I can understand where the other posters are coming from but please do not allow your therapist to become a scapegoat for your husbands behaviour. Abuse is abuse and the responsibility there lies with your H.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

Oh dear, I started a firestorm. My hubby may be a boar and a brute, but he's not violent towards me. I called my T to tell her what happened and she told me she didn't intend to be brutally honest with him, but he was so defensive, dismissive and unapologetic that she felt she couldn't get through to him any other way. She also said that I looked (as bad as) the first few times I saw her, nearly 2 years ago ... she described me as looking like I'd been shaken and with a deer in the headlights look. I had no idea this was the case, and it scares me a bit that I am so cowed by him.

My whole reason for being in therapy right now is to get the courage to stand up for myself, which may include kicking him out if he cannot change his ways. I'm praying for a miracle, of course, but not counting on one. He did agree to go to therapy and has been one time, but he came home already with excuses on why it won't work.

I thank you all for the helpful information. I'm moved and touched you all and love my PC friends/family.

Regards,
Lori

Thanks for the update Bubs and keep posting. I am learning to stand up for myself too, its hard.

[Big Mama]

Hi. My H and I are in T together. I go alone some times and my H seldom goes alone but it's not unheard of. We are together most of the time. My H sounds much like yours. He's never been violent towards me. I have let my T know how fearful of him I am. He rants and raves alot. She also sees that I cannot tell when I am danger. I stay when I should not. So she agreed to discuss with me first hand what is about to come up. We talk on the phone the day before usually.

Since his anger is easily set into motion some times I have to call her right before I leave my house to let her know no to bring up stuff sometimes. ex. My H's truck broke down and was gonna cost a small fortune to fix. So he was already mad, not a good time to bring up stuff.

She helped me put a plan into action if we/she angered him and I should not go home w/ him. She/we really pissed him off at our last session. He left and I was afraid to leave. She told me I was over reacting. Told me what to say to him. I wrote it on my hand and her number on the other. She followed me half the way home. When I stopped for gas she did to. Just to let me know I was OK. My H drove on, we always drive seperately. It's safer.

It's not gonna be long and my H is gonna want me to quit going. He will stop first. (at this point he may never go back as it stands now) Then he will request I stop going. We'll argue about it. Then he will stop paying for it. Then things really get hard. I have been threw this before. I'm stronger this time. I think. I may just not stay in the marriage. Who knows. Good luck. Keep us informed.

[likewater]

Yikes. I've been there. Loaded trash bags full of my things and drove away about 6 years ago. I didn't realize how miserable and under his control I was until I got out. I was always crying when we were together. After I left , he turned on the crocodile tears. Still says he loves me. I tell him , "Love is as love does." He never loved me. He treated me like dirt. Thatis not love. I'm sorry you are being treated so shabbily. Stay safe. I always wanted our marriage counselor to call him on his s### but after hearing your story, I see why she didn't . May angels surround you.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

TRIGGER - CSA/SA

I just went back and read what I originally posted. It's totally accurate. Then I read what I posted later, and realize I'm lying to myself. To say he doesn't abuse me physcially is untrue. Sexual abuse, taking what you want from a partner when they don't want to, or drugging the person to get better sex is abusive. It's tolerance to that sort of thing that makes me realize how much I need therapy. To answer anyone's question - yes, I was sexually molested frequently as a child. I'm trying to get it through my thick skull that it is always wrong to misuse someone's body. And I shouldn't stand for it.

I've never thought of this before. It kinda makes my head spin.

Bub, I am sorry this is still happening to you, but glad you can see it now. I am also glad you have a therapist to help you through this. There are a lot of resources out there for battered women (and that includes sexually battered). I hope you are able to get yourself to a safe place.