I know its dumb....

I know its dumb but it feels like forever since i got home from my trip to go visit my t (its been 8 days!) i havent gotten to talk to her since we said goodbye at the airport. Since then we have been having to hold everything in. W havent had our regular 2x/wk sessions because she had a few family things she had to take care of this week and some extra things going on. I dont know when that will be done. She texted me a couple times this week to let me know she is ok just busy. Not the same as getting to skype/ talk on the phone.
She doesnt even have a computer right now to get to video chat anyway.
I miss her so much. The inside kids dont understand that she is fine and that we were just there-- there are several of them that still have very little object permanence. If shes not in front of them, they dont get that she even exists.
Plus halloween is coming (bad trauma day for us) and we lost our job plus other stuff going on-- and i keep having panic attacks, etc etc
Just too much to hold in
We keep cutting and we are not eating much
We just need to talk to her
I wish i could run away and be back there in the same country as her
We didnt want to come home.

I wish so much this whole family emergency thing would just end already and she could come home, but she still has absolutely no idea when that will be.
I want her to come home

(((((Starry_Night)))))

That is not dumb at all. Just keep hanging on she will be back on skype or phone soon......no cutting yourselves only paper!

Thanks... I keep trying to keep things in perspective and stop thinking short term like i usually do, i need to think more than what is what is right in front of me. She wont be gone forever (just feels like it)-- even if she is gone for another year or even five more, it wont be forever. Even if i cant talk to her for another week or two, that isnt forever. And it isnt impossible, its just Freaking HARD

I am trying really hard not to cut. Tonight i am discouraged about that. I started self injuring when i was eight years old... And i am forty now. Will i EVER be able to stop? Will i be 90 and still doing it? Will i be 90 and still have DID and still have upset, angry inner 2 year olds crying over not being able to see my T? Argh,,,

One day at a time hun that's all we can do. Just remind yourselves the fun you just had. Look at all the pictures you have so u know she is still with you.Can you text her and ask when you will get to talk to her again? Hugs to all of you.

We texted her last night to ask when we can talk to her again but havent heard back from her.
Its just tough. We have several big life changes going on right now ( she knows hats a big challenge for us)& halloween and some other stuff... I am sure she knows we need to talk, she probably just cant make it happen right now
We just really need to talk

we got to talk to our t tonight for 3 hours
That helped
She has (as we expected) had quite a few things she has had to take care of with her husband this week that has left her with no privacy and no time to talk to anyone and way too much to do. But she thinks things will calm down after this weekend, and that after next week she will have privacy again, and that after that we can get back to regular sessions again
She still needs to get a computer or ipad so we can get back to doing skype (her laptop is broken beyond repair). I have been on her for a couple of years now to move onto an iPad. We will see if she finally gives in!
Because my work schedule is changing drastically this week we will actually have a LOT more times available for us to schedule sessions so that will be nice.

It was nice to unload a little of this stuff we have been stuffing inside. Didnt get to all of it, but getting some out helped.
Also it was really good to hear that she too had a really good time when we went to see her, and that yes she was glad to see us and that she had fun too. That was nice of her to say. We miss her so much.

I am so happy for all of you! We all need someone to talk to! I am glad you were able to connect. Love and hugs to you all!